A lovely few days.

Most of my posts come about from some event or situation out of the ordinary, today is not one of those days, we all woke when we were ready, Princess woke first and watched her tv quietly, she loves Milkshake and Peppa Pig, so she was happy while we snored on. My bladder wasn't gonna let me stay in bed late, so I was awake about 8am, went to the loo and climbed into bed with my Princess, she grabbed her Nursery Rhymes book and sat and sang/read lots to me, with lots of cuddles in-between.  The boys joined us by 9, so we sat and chatted as usual, planning the day, we opted for a stay at home and potter about a bit day. So we all got dressed and they tidied their rooms up, we swept up and fed the animals, then sat with breakfast deciding what to 'work' on and learn today. Princess had already been working on her science workbook which she had taken into her bedroom to do, shouting Stuntman for help when she got stuck.

I remembered a history thing I saw on Facebook, so read it out to them: They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families used to all pee in a pot & then once a day it was taken & Sold to the tannery.......if you had to do this to survive you were "Piss Poor"

But worse than that were the really poor folk who couldn't even afford to buy a pot......they "didn't have a pot to piss in" & were the lowest of the low

The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the 1500s:

Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and they still smelled pretty good by June.. However, since they were starting to smell . ...... . Brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting Married.

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it.. Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the Bath water!"

Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof... Hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs."

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying, "Dirt poor." The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entrance-way. Hence: a thresh hold.

In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire.. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme: Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old. Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, "bring home the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and chew the fat.

Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the upper crust.

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would Sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial.. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a wake.

England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive... So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift.) to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be, saved by the bell or was considered a dead ringer.

And that's the truth....Now, whoever said History was boring

This triggered lots of questions and conversations, as well as how true the above could be, Stuntman decided he wanted to do some drawing, so we had half an hour together discussing and practising drawing skills. While he drew a picture of a guy doing the graveyard shift, Einstein opted for some maths, he's heading towards the end of KS3 stuff (3 years in front of his peers) and is starting to find stuff he doesn't understand, my maths skills are not great and I have no idea on most of what he is learning, so we are learning together (the answers usually help me lol), Princess used the french e-course on the laptop then watched a little tv, while me and the boys carried on.   

We broke for lunch and to swap some washing, and whilst eating the chocolate cake we made yesterday we played with the new youview tv box, looking through the old programmes and found that Bang Goes the Theory has a new series, so we sat and watched that, discussing plastics. Of course this triggered lots of questions and discussions. Princess wasn't too interested so she has been playing games on my iPhone and listening to music.  

The boys are now playing skylanders on the PS3 whilst Princess is still on my iPhone, she's running a bakery shop, popping bubbles and listening to classic rock. I'm snuggled up on my newly covered (by me) chaise longue with my laptop thinking I should really go and do some washing. 

Yesterday was music lessons, the kids have been having them for just over a year now and are all doing extremely well, we found a tutor that is willing to work on what interests each kid, so Princess flits between her electric guitar and the keyboard, the tutor has to make a conscious effort to remember she is only 5 years old, as, in her words she's 'never taught a 5 year old' nor has she ever known her 8 year olds in school 'be at the level she is at' she really has found a talent.  Stuntman mostly plays one of his guitars, mostly his electric, but he's starting to find that different styles can sound better on the acoustic, he doesn't learn from books, but rather chooses a piece he likes and learns it with the tutor, Stuntman has a brilliant ear for music and beat. Einstein sticks mostly to the keyboard and works through books, he is really talented and yesterday the tutor mentioned that he could easily be doing exams if he chose to and can not believe in a year how much he has learned. So that is something he is going to consider. The afternoon was spent drinking tea with a very good friend, Alison, her daughter played with Princess while her teen son, read then played on the computer with the boys for a while, it's always good to see friends in the flesh and not just online or on the phone, but since I started home ed, I find I just don't always have the time to organise meet ups, but the plan is to see friends more, especially this one.  Thanks to Alison, I have now been with the fella 5 months, if it hadn't been for my passion for fighting LA's and getting to know Alison, her friend, my now fella wouldn't have added me on FB. 

We had one of those weekends that are calm and smiley, the fella arrived on Friday, we picked him up at the station and went straight to his sisters, an hour and half drive away, it was the first time I'd met her, and she was lovely, it's so refreshing to meet the fella's family and be liked, the ex's family hated me with a passion, well I'm not exactly every mother's dream partner for her little boy LOL.  So that's his kids and now sister, all lovely, I feel so excited and positive about our future :)

Saturday was a quiet day pottering in the garden in the sun, quick trip to the shop for food for tea, the fella cooked, well he tried to stop me, I've been having some hip pain so was ordered to stay sat down and watch, I just couldn't help myself hehe! it was lovely cooking together, playing with the kids, and lots of cuddles. Sunday we only had the morning together and the kids had a friend over, so we went to the park for an hour, the fella went off with the lads to kick a ball around, I couldn't stop smiling and laughing, they are all really rubbish lol but they all had a good time, me and Princess played on the swings and she went on the climbing frame and slide. We dropped the fella at the station and said goodbye again, I hate this part of our weekends together, I miss him so much and only get to see him once a fortnight, hopefully one day soon he will be able to come up north and be closer. The rest of the day I spent planning a holiday down to Cornwall, whilst all the kids had friends in to play.

So nothing too exciting happened, but lots of smiles and happy mummy.

oops it's been a while!

There's been a lot going on here, we have been very busy, whilst the weather hasn't been great, a touch of cabin fever started to set in, so we were glad of the snow. It was lovely watching the fella pulling Princess on her sledge whilst the boys built a snow fort in the garden. It was hilarious watching the kids attacking the fella with snowballs and mostly missing, note to self, some extra visits to the park with a ball to be made this summer. Once we dropped the fella at the station for him to go home, the snow was a good excuse to wrap up warm and go to the park.  We had the whole slope to ourselves, apart from one other family, we assumed the other kids would be in school. Days like that remind me why we home ed,  we were in no rush, we were able to enjoy the snow together and had lots of laughs.

Einstein's long term friend has been acting very weird of late, his attitude since going to comp has changed, he is throwing strops and stomping off in a mardy hissy fit. He is physically attacking other friends and storming out my house slamming the door. After an awful incident, where he hurt another child, I really wasn't sure that I would be comfortable welcoming him in the house again. He had refused to come back and apologise and the injured kid's mum was now refusing to let him near her house again, I can't blame her, but I have known this kid 9 years nearly, I know his home life is awful and I know he sees my place as somewhere safe. Only a couple of weeks previous I had thrown a tea party for his birthday because his mum had not even bought him a present! I'm not at liberty to share any more info, but her priorities are elsewhere, I love this kid like one of my own, so I was really hurt that he had been behaving like this. Einstein was devastated that he may not see his friend again, he actually sobbed for hours, thinking he could have done something to stop his friend being like this, he has no understanding of why he is changing. Einstein is showing no signs of puberty, he's nearly 12) but his friends are and he doesn't understand it at all.  We were really lucky that his friend eventually came here and apologised, cried his heart out on my doorstep and told me that he knew he really shouldn't behave like that. I brought him in the house and had a lovely chat with him and a hug, he then went to play on the ps3 with the boys. I think this is going to be the first of many issues we have as his home life is changing dramatically soon.  I just hope he knows he will always be loved here.

There was a second apology that same week, it came from a lady that I have not got on with for a fair few months, a big difference in opinion sent us our seperate ways.  I am not going to go into details, but something happened that was triggered by her, she realised that she had done wrong and apologised to me, she talked with me, explained what had happened and that she had not meant for any of the bad things to happen. I of course accepted her apology, it is a shame the friendship is way beyond repair, but it warmed my heart that there are some good people out there willing to say 'shit I got that wrong'.

To my surprise there was another huge apology that week, this time one that made me sit down, the clinical psych phoned me, he had received my complaint and wanted to invite me in to discuss it.  As child care options are limited for me I explained that it wouldn't be possible, that I was happy to chat on the phone about it. He went on to apologise for making me upset and for speaking to Einstein in an horrid way. He really sounded sorry, as well as obviously not wanting to get a bollocking from bosses.  He offered to amend the report and address the concerns I raised in writing, which he has now done.  The SALT (Speech and Language Therapy) is next week, she is coming to mine, and will be a couple of hours, of history and then assessment.  The clinical psych is speaking with the ed psych too, both have agreed that Einstein is showing signs of Autism. So maybe one day soon we will have the diagnosis that we have waited 10 years for!

Other happenings have included my FB group has had a massive surge in numbers, we are nearly at a thousand members, many of the newbies to the group are new to home ed, misinformed by dodgy LA staff. My workload is huge, I know I said I was slowing down from it all!, but everyone else's workload is huge too! The difference this year seems to be that LA's are asking for help with re-writing their written info, I have 4 of those on the go (of course once me and the locals involved and the LA reach a final version, I suggest that they send it out for consultation with all the local families), my own LA is behaving badly still and the draft policy has still not been sent out for consultation. SS involvement with home ed seems rife at the moment :( mostly newbies being threatened with SS if they don't let ehe/ewo/cme in. So lot's of sod off, here is the law type letters are being written daily.

Me and the fella were meant to travel to meet up with his best mate and his wife, and his best mates sister (my friend), but the snow made us cancel, instead we stayed in a local Travelodge and my mum had my kids, it was the fella's birthday, so we had a lovely 26 hours just the two of us, I won't share the details, but we did have a really amazing time :)

I have been struggling with a really foul mood and not been able to quite pin point why, then I woke a few days ago, feeling a little more calmer, more at ease, then I found out my Great Uncle had died, I wonder whether my mood was my psychic side telling me that he was ill, maybe I knew, I don't know, but I know it's not the first time my mood has altered before a big event has happened that i had no idea about.   Now I know I wasn't close to Uncle R, but he was my Grandad's brother, the last link to that part of the family, my parents are now the eldest in the family, it scares the crap out of me, cos I am the eldest of the next generation down.  I am gonna be in London visiting the fella next week, the day after we return is the funeral, a friend is having the kids for me, so I can go.

I'm looking forward to our visit to London, we will get to spend time with the fella and also meet his kids, I have now spoken with them both briefly on the phone and I am petrified that they won't like me.  The fella plays a huge roll in their lives, which is fantastic, so it's really important to me that they like me, cos if things get serious with us, he might end up moving up here, I want his kids to want to visit, to stay here too. Time will tell on that one.

In other news Stuntman is having memory issues again, not just when something has been taken/broken etc, but silly little things that are of no consequence that I know he has done, like drawing a picture on his sister, which we all found hilarious, but he had no recollection of doing it! I've got no idea what's going on with him, but he is really hard work at the minute, I am trying to give him more time and attention, more hugs, in the hope that he settles again. He is being like a little dad at times, he makes me smile cos he can be so loving and caring towards his brother and sister. He talks like me sometimes, just tonight, the kids were helping by cooking tea whilst I finished hoovering up (after a huge clearout of the boys room) and I heard him saying to Einstein 'if you aren't gonna help then get out of my way and do something useful' so me! lol :)

Princess is learning so fast it's scary, she picked up a KS1 science workbook the other day and read it to me, words like healthy, diet, abracadabra, etc, without any help and without ever looking at it before, she is only just 5 and a half ! So amazed with her.

So I'm gonna shut up now, well done if you made it all the way through this :) I shall endeavor to blog more often with shorted pieces :)

Living life in the slow lane is fab

 I never expected myself wanting to be living life in the slow lane,  choosing a quieter, simpler life is really working out for us.  It's nice to be having some quiet family time, time with the fella and Christmas. What an amazing, fabulous time we had. The fella came up for a couple of days and left on Christmas Eve, for a guy that claims to be rubbish at gift buying, he did remarkably well, I loved every single gift, he bought the kids a lovely gift each too and we loved watching him open his huge photo collage of me, my kids and his lovely kids too.  Spending time cuddled up watching the kids play, all sat together playing a board game or watching a film was perfect. The smiles were infectious.  


Christmas day was manic as is to be expected with 3 very excited children, their grandparents came round and spent a good majority of the day with us, was lovely watching dad joining in on the PS3, not having a clue what he was doing, or hearing him and my princess singing to queen (very badly).  Once they left we had some quiet time, reading books, playing games and eating the left over party food.  We have still not fully cleared and tidied, the dining table now has various jigsaws, puzzles, paint your own trinket box and airfix cars on it.  The decorations are away, apart from our one piece of tinsel that we leave out all year, just cos we can!

Christmas can be a little overwhelming for kids, let alone kids with ASD, but the joy of home ed has meant we can relax and do calming things when anyone has felt manic, our education style relaxed a good month before Christmas and we have been chatting this week about how we want to start the new year, the kids have decided that because we are so busy that we need a schedule of some sort. So today whilst the younger 2 were with grandad, me and Einstein (his new nickname courtesy of his best friends) waited at the car garage (bloody MOT repairs) and came up with a loose plan. It includes a list of subjects/projects we'd like to do, and also a weekly plan,  it's very flexible but might be enough to encourage us all to do more together.

Over the holidays we didn't have many days where there weren't extra children in the house, one day there were 5 boys aged 9-13, wow it made the house feel small lol, was lovely watching them kicking a ball about, or playing the ps3, or running around playing spies, all the time making sure my princess was joining in.  She often had her friends in to play, they baked or played with the dolls. There were many nerf gun battles and i was the target many times :)

I have more time with the kids now, so we want to use it wisely, I have added more admins to the FB groups, a wide variety of lovely folks, all with different outlooks and different home ed stories,  so I am able to step back a little, I have also chosen to hand over some of the larger LA cases I was working on,  as Doncaster LA is about to release it's draft policy for consultation and I have a feeling we could be in for a bumpy ride, luckily we have lots of local families wanting to be involved in the process.  So with all this time I am reading more, cuddling my babies more, catching up with friends and generally smiling more.

The kids are thriving and happy and its such a difference from 4 years ago. We have some amazing things planned for this year, we can't wait to take the caravan out lots, a trip to London, and they're already making plans for their birthday outings, even the wet weather isn't going to dampen our spirits.

Happy new year to you all, it's wonderful to see so many people interested in reading about our lives. Feel free to leave a comment.

Clinical Psych's and their obnoxious ways

A couple of months ago we finally got the appointment through to see the Clinical Psychologist, he is part of the Autism diagnostic team.  I was hopeful but nervous, as I know Einstein doesn't sit still for long, I expected him to be wandering around the room, looking, reading, touching and then hassling me to hurry up. We arrived early, guy was running late, we waited more than half an hour, he was now bored, we entered the room and the guy demanded that Einstein sit on a specific chair (both chairs were the same (apart from colour) and were next to each other), he took an instant dislike to the chair and asked me if he had to, I was about to say no, when the doc said he had to, so I replied 'no you don't have to sit in that chair if you don't want to' doc scribbled something down. I knew this wasn't a good start.

I made sure he had his book and DS and drink, he then asked the doc how long we were going to be, the doc replied 'we will be done by 1', Einstein responded with 'how long will we be?' the doc looking very angry answered 'we will be done for 1'. He looked confused and looked at me, i checked the time and said it was 12.03. He took a second and replied 'ok, we will be 57 minutes then, that's a long time'. The doc scowled. I already didn't like him.

What pursued was mostly a waste of time, he wanted to know why the boys dad wasn't around, i told him it was none of his business and not something that had any effect on Autism.  He then pressed to know the story of my princess's dad, by now I was really pissed off, I again told him it was none of his business.  I know parental history can be important, but all this is on Einstein's file from previous appointments, but to ask about a child's absent father, with the child in the room, is not on, what would have happened if Einstein had never thought about his dad, didn't know his name etc?? Not on, not on at all!

Then came the dreaded 'which school does he go to', 'he doesn't', conversation. So it went like this:
 'which school does he go to?'
'he doesn't'
'huh?'
'I home educate my chilldren'
'how does that work?'
'they don't go to school and learn at home'
'and what do the authorities think to that'
'nothing cos it's my legal right to educate them'
'how often do they send ofsted?'
'they don't'
'well who checks on you?'
'no-one'
'but who checks they are learning the curriculum'
'they don't learn the curriculum and I am responsible for making sure they learn what they need to'
'but...'
'it is the parents legal responsibility to ensure a child is educated, suitable to their age, ability, aptitude and suited to any special needs they have, the local authority have no duty to intervene'
'oh!'

I love putting twats like that in their place.

The doc kept referring to 'his problem behaviours' the 'things of most concern' I explained that nothing he did was a problem or a concern, he was just different, as is everyone around us, the doc said everything in such a negative way, and for a kid that is already struggling with his differences and still recovering from the hell caused at school and the way other adults and even family have treated him. He was depressed at age 6 because of a school, I wasn't going to let this doc knock his self confidence more. I reiterated that we didn't have problem behaviours, that he was perfect how he was and we weren't looking for therapy to change him, we just want a diagnosis, so he has the answer to what's going on in his head and also to aid with exams and college access.  Doc scribbled again.

He asked very little to be honest, so I had to make sure he knew all the traits that I was aware of.  Einstein was clearly bored as the doc had not engaged with him, beyond demanding which chair he sat on,  then he started to bounce up and down gently on his chair, 'we won't be having any of that in here' the doc barked at him,  he looked at me absolutely petrified so I pulled him close and he lay his head on my lap, I rubbed his head. 'Do you let him do that a lot?' he barked at me 'Yes I fucking do when dicks like you scare him' is what i wish i had replied, but instead I said 'yeah when he's overwhelmed or just wants a cuddle'.  By now I was getting really pissed off and wondered whether for my son's sanity we should leave or not.  We stayed and it got worse, Einstein sat back up and put his hand inside the waist band of his jeans, the doc shouted at him ' young man we won't be doing that in here'. I nearly cried, but knew we must be nearly done cos i had said everything I had wanted to. (yet we'd only been there 30 minutes). The doc said we were done and as we got up he noticed what the book was and asked my son if he liked chess, he looked at me as if to say, 'would I be carrying a book about chess around with me if I didn't like it?'  He didn't reply to the doc.  'well can mum pick out the grammatical error on the front page, she's home schooling you so she should know' WTF???? I was ready to swing for him (plus i couldn't see an error) 'I responded that we had more fun things to learn about than being pedantic about grammatical errors'

The doc asked again about the school situation, I reminded him that it had been 3 years since he was in a school, but the doc was insistent on contacting the school. I told him I didn't see any point.

I can't remember how, but the doc started asking about idioms, Einstein said 'of course I know what one is' so the doc asked if Einstein knew what this idiom meant (I can't remember which example he used) 'no I don't cos they are stupid' (I really thought he was gonna add 'and so are you').  The doc said to me 'he hasn't engaged much at all, I expected him to talk to me more' I really wanted to say, 'be nice and he might' but i just said 'well he engages when he chooses to'.  As we walked back to the car, he replayed the whole meeting, telling me bits I'd forgotten to say, the bits the doc had got wrong and it was clear (as i told the doc) that he had been listening and absorbing every word that was said.

When we got home I spoke to a couple of people and decided this guy was acting like he'd never met a kid on the spectrum before, he was out of line, so I rang the matron on the department and spoke to her, she agreed that he had not acted appropriately and would have a word with him, also that I could make an official complaint if I wished to. I made sure that she knew that under no circumstances was the doc to contact his old school.

That was the last we heard till last week, more than 2 months after the appointment, we get his report. Oh where to start?
His name is wrong more times than it is right!
It says I Home School, AGGGHHHHH!!! I Home Educate, there's no schooling involved.
It states that he has Occupational Therapy, that's wrong as it stopped years ago.
It says Einstein didn't track the conversation, erm yeah he did mate!
There are minor errors all over the place.
And, right at the end, this report is copied to SALT (speech and language therapy) and SCHOOL!!!! he has sent a copy of this report to his old school.

On a plus the report does say that he shows signs of being on the Autistic Spectrum and a referral to SALT for further assessment is made.

So from here?? I will be writing back demanding amendments be made to the report, I will be demanding an apology from the doc for the school being notified, I am now considering a formal complaint against him, his attitude was awful, but as he is the only Clinical Psych in the area, I know i have to tread carefully, cos we are likely to have to see him again, to get the diagnosis, but my baby has said he is not going back if he has to see him again, and I will respect that decision.

Proud Mummy Moment

What a lovely day, the fella was here for the weekend, nursing me better, I've had a throat and ear infection, allergic to the antibiotics, so was sick, but the longer he was here the better I have felt. I won't share this morning's activities with you ;) but this afternoon, we all (including my parents) went to watch StuntMan's gymnastics competition.

StuntMan joined the group 3 months ago and goes once a week for 2 hours, after his very first session they decided to move him up a group, so he is in the group of boys that are aged between 7 and 14, some have been going for many years. Each child had been given a routine for each piece of equipment, the better their ability/time at the club, the harder their routine. Every child was marked fairly for each of the 6 activities. I think it was a brilliant way of giving the younger less able children a good chance of doing well whilst competing with the more able boys.

StuntMan has amazing upper body strength and easily swings while on the high bar, he was very well controlled and a lovely exit jump, so well in fact that he came second out of all the boys, winning a silver medal.

The parallel bars are his strength, control and upper body strength again this time he came first, earning more points than boys 5 years older with many years more experience, the gold medal is sat at the side of his bed and a big smile on his face.

Points were added up for each child, many of the new kids (like StuntMan ) earning a bronze medal, but not StuntMan, he won a silver for his overall performance, there was only one gold given (to a lad that won about 6 other medals) and only 3 other silvers were awarded.  When they said his name each time I actually jumped up and down, I was so so proud, my smile must have been huge, my parents were so proud too, and James sat there with a big grin :)

None of my kids have ever shown an interest in competing like this and because it is such a lovely club and it wasn't made stressful for the kids, they weren't pushed into joining in, or to practice, it was about fun and an end of year celebration and to show their parents what they could now do, it was lovely and whether the kid fell on their bum or did a perfect routine, the applause was the same from all the parents.

So, who knows I may have a budding Olympian gymnast in the making. Such a proud mummy and I get to do it again on Thursday at my Princess's Gymnastics comp.

Life during and after social services.

Many people see social services (SS) as something this country needs, they rescue children from abusive situations, they help families that need support. Well for many people this is not their experience, nor mine. All too often I hear cases where a social worker (SW) (or 2) have turned up unannounced with allegations that are not urgent concerns, things like the family Home Educate so the person making the allegation says the family never leave the house, or a health visitor (HV)  doesn't agree with the parenting style so calls the SS and refers them as neglecting their child or having a messy home. SW's fire questions at the parents, often not making it clear why they are there, people under arrest are told clearly why they are being questioned but not innocent parents! All too often I hear that the SW's decide that they have to get involved,  even though the allegations can be proven to be false,  they decide to do an initial assessment which means looking around the home, in the children's bedrooms and talking to the children alone (if the children aren't present they demand you get them home, or they visit school, or come back another time). They then write a report based on what is often an hours visit, they write what their opinion is of the situation, their opinion can be dangerous if they have no knowledge or experience of the lifestyle choices. What is written stays on your file forever. Whether it is accurate or not.

All too often cases are not dropped after the initial assessment and is followed up by a core assessment or a child in need meeting. They use the excuse that they have more concerns than they first went with, or there are no professionals involved in their lives so they call in all sorts of people, often people who have never met the family, to decide a plan of action, often ignoring the parent's wishes and philosophies. Families are subjected to numerous visits and meetings all in the name of 'support', whether the family want the support or not. The children are made to talk to adults they don't know and asked questions about their life.

Now I am not talking about cases where harm to a child is a concern, or severe neglect, I am talking cases where they say the child once said at school that they only had beans on toast for tea last night, or their shoes are too small. Cases where someone decides it's their business to worry about a toddler playing in the garden in the summer in bare feet while mum sits and reads. Cases where actually a quick phone call or letter asking the family to respond with regard the concern, or quick call to the GP to see if they have concerns, would be more than adequate,

These kind of cases where there really are no concerns and no one else is worried (just that one social worker) can drag on and on and mean lots of intrusion and leave the family in a mess, anxiety, depression and stress. Often these families have children with special needs and there is no consideration given to how the SW's behaviour impacts on these children. SW's don't have training in specific special needs so have no idea the harm they can cause. They don't respect that they could made the mums postnatal depression worse by insinuating she is a bad mum. Once SW's eventually close these cases and have no care for the damage they leave behind.

 The examples below are all true (to the best of my knowledge) I haven't used names or details to protect the families and may have changed a small detail (like number of children) to protect their identity further.

For me the appalling attitude and lack of knowledge of the social worker was the worst part of the false allegations and 6 months of harassment.  Having to explain everything more than once was tiring, jumping every time the doorbell rang, not knowing if they were back with more crap was scary and draining.  I fought them and refused to let them see my children again, risky I know, but I had nothing to prove to them, they had already agreed the allegations were malicious, they had already said the only reason they were staying in touch was cos there was no 'professional input' into their lives. No professional input? so the Ed.Psych, Clinical Psych, OT and a counsellor didn't count? no they wanted to do an assessment themselves and tried telling me that Home Education was illegal, then demanding I meet the EHE consultant (a completely illegal demand).  So I kept fighting and accused them of being prejudiced against Home Educators, eventually I won (they didn't see the kids again after the initial doorstepping) and they backed off with an apology too. But it didn't end there I was ill and in and out of hospital at the time, this didn't stop the social worker turning up 3 days after my operation with a copy of my file that I had requested to be posted to me!  I fought to have parts of my file amended but because the SW is no longer working there they couldn't amend it, all they would do is leave my letter on file.  2 years later I still worry when I see someone at the door that I don't know, I still worry when the phone rings that it could be them again. It is awful knowing that one day all it will take is another silly uninformed person to make another false allegation against me and we are back where we started. I was a wreck for months because of it, it meant my illness was worse, it meant my recovery was slower, it is something I can't see me recovering fully from, I have no trust in the social services to do the right thing at all in any case and now dedicate a lot of my time to helping families in a similar situation to the one i was in. .

SW's turn up with allegations from a school the child hasn't been in for 8 months and still have to follow up that the child once said that he wasn't fed at home.  They turn up because the neighbour has reported them for not sending their children to school, but instead of checking with the EHE whether they are known Home Educators, they come and bang on the door accusing you of neglect. They come knocking when the HV decides that mum isn't coping breastfeeding the baby, stopping the toddler drawing on the walls and educating the 8 year old, the HV sits there judging mum and drinking her tea knowing that mum has been stressed cleaning the house before the HV's arrival.  The SW's then decide the allegations weren't anything to worry about, but because they have demanded to speak to the child alone and look in their bedrooms and food cupboards, they found the kids had lego out and it was messy or it was the day before the monthly food shop was due to be delivered and the cupboards were empty or the ASD kid was refusing to speak to the stranger that turned up unannounced they come up with new concerns and insist on coming back.

They come back, this time with another person, someone else the kids have never met, another SW or HV, or family support officer, they convince the family that they need to keep the investigation going because there are issues that need sorting and they are the only people that can help. They tell the breastfeeding mum that the EHE has to come and do checks on the education of the home ed child (they can't do that), they suggest that she should stop breastfeeding so she has more time to clean, or to leave the baby crying while she cleans,  they go back every week until mum does as she is told. That mum is left feeling useless and every time a child hits a new milestone she is on the phone to HV or GP checking it's all ok, every time her children get a cold she takes them to the GP and she has the baby weighed with the HV every week.  The family that had empty food cupboards were made to feel like they were failing the children and now get into debt to keep the cupboards stocked and throw out lots of fresh stuff because they buy more than they need, just in case the SW ever comes calling again. The family with the 'messy' house now live in a spotless show home, the kids are allowed to play but have to tidy up immediately and only one toy at a time is allowed out, many of their belongings were given to a charity shop because there were 'too many things cluttering the house'.

2 years of being harassed and investigated for things that really are no concern and down to the individual social worker not understanding a lifestyle different to their own, drains the family, mum ends up on anti-depressants, paranoid to let the kids play out in the garden unsupervised, she doesn't talk to the neighbours in case they report her for anything, doesn't discipline the kids in case the SS ever come back and the kids say 'mum put us in time out' or 'sent us to bed without tea'.  That mum wanted to home educate and knew she could stop a horrific bullying issue in school by doing so, but was told it was illegal and at the time she believed them. She now Home Educates and knows one day Social Workers could be banging on her door again, attempting to force her children back into school, telling her things they know nothing about. This time it could be a social worker that understands the benefits of home education but doesn't understand why this single mums living room wallpaper is hanging off and there are a couple of kitchen cupboard doors missing and no stair carpet, but her kids are happy and well educated.

A family settling down for the evening, kids all settled in bed, mum washing tea pots, dad tidying some toys up, there's a bang on the door and 2 social workers stand there demanding to come in. Mum is too scared to say no to them. The SW's wander around the downstairs, the allegations are not made clear to the parents, but something is mumbled that a HV thinks the house is too messy with dirty nappies and the kitchen cupboards were empty (even though the HV had never once been in the kitchen, nor were there ever any nappies on the floor). The SW's tell the parents that as they can't carry out a full initial assessment that someone will come again another day. That family then spend the next few weeks tidying constantly, telling the kids they have to always be on best behaviour just in case, the older kids start being scared that the SW's will come back and take them away. Mum starts panicking when the husband goes to work cos she doesn't want to be home when they call. The social workers never came back!  Luckily this family moved house, they now have a helpful health visitor and assume social services have either forgotten about them or decided not to follow up on the allegations. But still it preys on their minds that these people could come back at any time.

3 false allegations (same allegation from the same school) in a year, each time the SW's have come out, the allegations surround an older child that is known to attention seek, they say he says he doesn't get fed. Each time the SW's have demanded to look around the house, what does looking in a child's bedroom have to do with a child not being fed? They have demanded to speak to all the children without another adult present, the family are convinced that the SW's have not accurately recorded those discussions and willingly put words in the children's mouths.  Each time the allegations have not been made clear to the parents (untill afterwards) the process the department uses has never been explained.  Each time the SW has gone away saying no concerns yet they come back a few months later for the same thing. Mum says that 'every knock on the door made me jump, same with the phone. For months I lived in dread' No one would come back and nothing was ever sent in writing. SW's suggested that they get help to manage their sons behaviour, but no help was offered, the same SW told them that their religion would be having a detrimental effect and they should stop being Christian and the SS's would leaven them alone. SW's have made no note of any medical diagnosis and treatments or appointments. They refused to note down the parents opinion on the sons behaviour and the only written record is what the SW thinks! This particular family are going through it all again at the moment, allegations that have been made before and told no concern, they know again the case will be closed but the son will soon be an adult, they worry that issues will be made up about the younger children now and that the SW's can't be trusted.

All the families I spoke to think that children in real danger are missed because SW's are spending too much time going after families that clearly already have the support they need, or that the allegations are false, or that really does it matter if mum can't afford to decorate? They all expressed distrust in a system that has left them nervous wrecks or doubting their ability as a parent. Social workers eventually close these case, often because someone like me steps in and tells the SW that they are harassing the family, or the family get legal advice, or they eventually realise they can't pin anything on the family so they move onto the next.  I personally know a family of neglected, malnourished, unloved children, SS won't do anything, they say there is no concern, yet they are happy to come and harass me for 6 months because 'I Home Educate, love one child more than the other, have pink hair, I make up my sons ASD issues to cover up for bad parenting and I had a long string of man after man' I addressed those issues on the first visit; legally I can Home Educate and will correspond with the EHE if they have a reason to believe I am not educating, how can i love one more than the other and why wasn't there a mention of the 3rd child in the allegation?, pink hair? seriously? making up his issues, Ed.psych. clinical psych, occupational therapist and a counseller support me, I'd been with the same guy 2 years by that stage.

SW's decisions are often based on one persons opinion and you are in trouble if they don't agree or like you, it is a dangerous system that leaves too many families in a mess in the aftermath of their 'support'.

How do you sleep while the rest of us cry?

I absolutely love this time of year, I love buying presents for my children, I love decorating the house, I love how the kids get excited, but I hate one little thing, it consumes me and clouds all my happiness, I dread that one of the kids dads will turn up.  I get like this on the run up to their birthdays as well, I know for sure D won't have forgotten Einstein's birthday as he has it tattooed on his wrist, well he used to, its's been more than 8 years since he saw them, so I guess he's probably had it covered over.  D hasn't seen the boys since Einstein was just 3 and StuntMan  was 8 months old.  He didn't turn up to StuntMan 's 1st birthday or christening even though I invited him. Princess's sperm donor, MW,  has never even met her, he has seen her as we have walked past in the village, he has seen us drive past too, but not once after he left me at 4 months pregnant has he asked anything about her. I spoke to him when she was a few months old and I let slip she was a girl, that was the first he knew about her. I guess because we know a lot of the same people that he knows a little about her and maybe her name but he's never asked.

 I haven't moved house or changed phone number, yet neither man (I use that term loosely) has made any attempt to see their children. D doesn't even pay CSA, he quit his job so he didn't have to, he even stopped claiming JSA so he didn't have to, he now works part time as a bouncer and doesn't earn enough to have any CSA deducted.  MW has a fiver a week deducted out of his benefits.  Even though these men have never made an effort to know their children, it doesn't stop me panicking and worrying that one day they might turn up. One day that knock at the door could be the alcoholic, that used to fall asleep holding his baby son, that fell asleep whilst looking after his toddler that proceeded to paint him and the bedroom with my makeup (10 hours after I'd given birth to StuntMan ). One day the man that left me pregnant for my best friend, that told me he didn't care if I aborted the baby, that he was too busy changing the bedding to discuss it, could knock at the door.  The boys know why we don't see their dad and in recent weeks Princess has been asking about her dad, so she now knows a little more. It fills me with dread the thought that one day they could be standing in front of me. I have no idea what I would do, slam the door in their face probably,  I don't know what the kids would want to do if either showed up. 

5 years knowing you have a daughter that you know nothing about. 8 years not knowing what your boys now look like. All that time having no idea if your children are healthy, happy, looked after, no idea what their interests are, I just don't get how anyone can walk away and not care. Do they care? How can they not, is MW filled with guilt from cheating on me? Does he regret it? Is that why he doesn't contact us?  Is D still drinking (well actually I know he is), is that why he doesn't contact them? Has his family poisoned him against me (they never did agree with my parenting style)?  I am the type of person that likes (needs) to know why, and I have no idea at all, and it eats away at me.  

I've just hidden some xmas presents and had a cry, knowing that this is the first xmas morning that I will be on my own with the kids. P hasn't been in touch since the incident a few weeks ago and as he isn't their dad I don't anticipate him ever being in touch again.  I can't wait for xmas morning seeing their faces with their huge piles of presents, hopefully seeing their grandparents too, but I know I will be dreading the doorbell going. I really wish I didn't feel like this, but I do, every xmas, every birthday. Always taking the edge off the fun, I try not to let the kids see the worry and they've never mentioned seeing their dad's and are happy without P around (things went very sour with him and the kids), I know the kids are happy with me, they have everything they could ever need or want, they know they are loved. But still I can't shake the not knowing. I sometimes contemplate contacting D or MW and asking why? why don't you love your child? why didn't you put them first? How could you just walk away? but then I know I could be opening a can of worms, they might want to see the kids, they might cause me problems, so I don't.  When I was with P I thought it would be easier and I wouldn't worry so much, but I did. I wonder whether one day the kids will ask for their dad's details, to want to know more about them, I wonder what D or MW would say if their child turned up on their doorstep.

 As is now very clear, I do stress and worry, luckily I have some amazing friends and lovely fella, I am trying not to let these negative thoughts bother me too much,  I am trying my best to look forward to the amazing future ahead of us. I am trying my best to keep the smile on my face.  

A week in the life of an ordinary home ed family (ok so not an ordinary family)

It's been one heck of a week, on Friday I had a friend come to stay, he's a really lovely bloke and it was nice to just sit and relax, we ate pizza with the kids and watched a film. Saturday was a lazy morning, the afternoon was busy though, housework and kids friends in and out all afternoon.  We had a huge drama on Sunday morning, our lives changed forever. At the time it was quite scary and at first I thought life had changed for the worst, but as the days have gone by I realise it was one of those events that needed to happen for us to move onto the next phase of our lives. The kids are coping really well and seem quite relieved (I do feel a bit stupid for not seeing the damage that was being done. But it's over now) So onwards we went.

We had to change our original plans for Sunday, so I took the kids to B&Q to let my Princess pick paint to decorate her bedroom, pink obviously :) so we headed home and the kids helped move the furniture, get the paintbrushes out and she even helped with the painting for a while.  The boys brought me drinks and a sandwich so I didn't have to break off, I painted a huge rainbow on one wall. It looks amazing!  As I was tidying up, the boys told me Princess was asleep on the sofa, I knew she must be ill cos she doesn't sleep in the day, they brought her upstairs and she was burning up, she climbed into bed and was soon being sick.  She fell asleep looking so tiny, I hate it when they are ill.  I knew this was the first challenge to overcome and we did, the boys were amazing, whilst I sat with her stroking her hair they cooked tea, now it was only food out the freezer but they were brilliant, they worked together and whilst it was cooking they tidied up and fed the animals. After they had served tea and eaten it they made sure the kitchen was tidy. Then went to bed and watched a film.  Princess was settled and hadn't been sick again so I fell asleep, waking up cold in her room I headed to my bed.

She woke up a little lethargic but hungry and she ate like a pig all day, by Monday evening she was back to normal and bouncing around.  We did some work, mostly discussions and Google searches about Venus Fly trap plants, as we had bought one the day before.  Princess wasn't up to doing much so mostly watched YouTube music videos.  Because she has some sort of dairy intolerance/reflux I worried that because she'd had a bug she may still be sick again, I was exhausted from all the decorating and not sleeping well the night before. Whilst I had a bath I knew StuntMan was playing with her, what I didn't realise till I went through into her room was that he had set himself a bed up on her floor, so that he could look after her if she was sick again. I was so proud of him.  Einstein had made sure everything was tidy and even washed some pots up (dishwasher is on the blink) he hates washing pots because of his sensory issues, but he did some. 

Everyone slept through the night :)  Tuesday was a busy day, we had music lessons here, the music teacher is absolutely amazing with them, she is happy for them to learn what ever piece they want, she doesn't mind if Einstein plays the keyboard sat with his knees touching his chin, or if StuntMan wants to learn Kid Rock instead of Oasis on the guitar, or if Princess wants to make up her own random piece.  I was telling her how I was having to take my key back into work (a volunteer position at a homeless centre)  because I no longer had child care in an evening, she has offered to help me out which is lovely, so maybe we can come to some arrangement and I may be able to start working there again.  After music lessons we drove to my work to take my key in and official quit :( I said goodbye to some of the residents, who all said they were sad that I wouldn't be back, it was lovely to hear them saying positive stuff about me and the sessions I ran. 

Then we headed off to the park to meet 2 other families, we had a lovely time, although for some reason StuntMan had it in his head that it was ok to ride his scooter inside the park whilst little ones were playing, so I had to tell him off a couple of times.  We headed onto the field and set up a game of cricket, boys and girls and mums, ages 3 to well I'll not include the mums ages, so 11 was the oldest kid, we had a lovely game, where there were very few rules except to have fun, the older ones encouraged the little ones which was lovely to see. We had such a good time.  Everyone found my inability to catch hilarious especially as I was bowler most of the time and was often seen dropping the ball, but it added to the fact that it was for fun. We then headed to the shops to buy supplies for the following days home ed group, Halloween themed arty stuff, paper, paint, stickers, etc. then home tea and an early night for all. 

Wednesday morning started like many, I logged online to find a family fairly local to us being harassed by the LA, so a phone call and a letter drafted for them, as I was drawing that to a close I had an email asking for support, so another letter was quickly drafted.  I then had to make a phone call to an EWO who thought doorstepping 3 times in one week was acceptable, to a family who have willingly chosen to home educate and have already put in writing that they are willing to engage with the EHE in writing.  Then I had a quick discussion with some fellow home edders about a family that we are trying to help and get rid of ridiculous social service involvement. I did all this before I was even out of bed, as I went to get out of bed, I put my weight onto one foot and realised my leg had gone dead and I fell over, hurting my other leg, so I spent the day limping.  Whilst I was working away, the boys were researching Napoleon, Einstein reading books, StuntMan googling, Princess decided she wanted to do a maths workbook instead. 

After a quick lunch and a mad 'quick print these sheets off for group' half hour, we headed to group. I cut out Halloween themed paper things, set out paint and pencils and paper, the kids had a brilliant time (I completely forgot to take photos). The older kids went off and built chair and table dens in the smaller rooms, then roamed around, did a bit of painting and the odd word search. The younger ones created some lovely artwork.  I chatted to some of the families, advised on one over zealous LA, was asked to support another family with some serious issues (obviously I can't share what) but it's gonna be a lot of work, but well worth it for such a lovely family. I came up with the idea for the next meeting (as some don't do Halloween) it's going to be a fancy dress party with buns etc and some games and making firework decorations.  We packed away and headed to Asda, bought way too many things we didn't need, such as Lego, a pretty top and boots ::) oh and Pizza for tea. Pizza cooked, laptop on and sit, and I didn't move till bedtime :) The kids played together for a while then read, then slept.

Today we are having a TV morning and playing games, then off to a birthday party and depending on what time we are home Princess has gymnastics later. 

Friday we are meant to be meeting one of the kids friends and mum, I might organise it to be here then we can sit and eat cake and drink tea whilst the kids play.  

Whilst I only mentioned my friend at the very beginning  I would like to add now, that throughout this stressful busy week, he has been at the end of the phone, FB or text anytime I have wanted a chat or cry (like Sunday morning), he is turning out to be a very influential part of my life, he actually cares that I get some rest, that I don't overdo it, he's also rather useful at making me feel absolutely bloody amazing. I would also like to mention that without some very good friends, I would not be able to work as hard as I do for families, I have the friend I can moan to, the friend that brightens dull moments, the friend that knows so much it's scary, the friend that taught me how to kick LA ass, and the friend that well it's her fault I know such a lovely man :)  Life might be crazy but I'll let you into a secret, I think things, whilst always being crazy, are about to get a whole lot better. 

The dating game the sequel

So as some of you may know, I stopped using dating sites a while ago, because there were developments in my love life. An online friend and I decided we really liked each other and started talking about getting together, now she lived a long way away, but I hoped this wouldn't become an issue, the more serious we got with our chats the more we fell for each other without even having met. We agreed we wouldn't see anyone else and classed ourselves as a couple, I was excited at the prospect of being with such a wonderful girl and we made plans to meet up, but things quickly went tits up when communication became an issue, I won't go into details but it ended before it had begun. Yes I was upset initially, angry even, but I soon realised she clearly wasn't any good for me. We no longer talk, but from what I can tell, I had a lucky escape, I have enough of my own baggage without bringing someone into my life that clearly has not dealt with her own stuff. I wish her well obviously but boy I'm so glad things didn't progress.

I decided fairly quickly that I was not going to let this little mishap put me off looking for mr or miss perfect, although after the stalker earlier in the year and now this situation, my thoughts towards a relationship with a woman have changed, for now I want a man, they are easier to suss :) So I signed back up to dating websites, I don't know what was different this time, but I have been inundated with men wanted to talk to me.  From all walks of life this time too.

There's still the 18-24 year olds that think they can handle a woman like me, oh how I would love to scare the crap out of them and show them a thing or two, but it'd probably put them off women for life lol.
Then there are the 25-32 year olds, they are living the single life, having seperated from a 3 year relationship, they live in a small flat, and spend all their wages on booze, going round the pubs that they have frequented for the last 10+years, with the same lads and they wonder why the longest relationship is 3 years!
The 32-40 year olds have split from their wife and see the kids every other weekend, they have jobs they hate and want a bit of fun, but when they realise that all the women interested in them are the same as their wives they suddenly just want sex and try it on big style.
The 40-52 year olds are turning out to be the most interesting to chat to, they have changed careers, kids are grown up and they know some interesting stuff, but they don't want to start again with a young family like mine.

So finding a decent date is a little tedious, ploughing through all the 'hi how r u ?' messages, the badly written profiles that actually are so badly written that they make no sense, and the foreigners, omg I won't get started on them, but come on really when you send me a message that says;

            i know i mite be upseting u by messaging you here people like me dont have any chance to be a friend                   to someone like u i do apologise if this message upset u

or

hi babe, its me krish from sheffield, u looking so good and ur profile sounding good. plz reply me if u interest in me

do you really think I am gonna reply? erm let me think about that for a moment.... NO! i'm not.

So after weeding my way through, and I really don't want to sound cocky, but I'm talking a lot of messages each day, I finally get talking to someone, he seems nice, but then you realise he lives 40 miles away and doesn't drive.  Or another guy comes along, really chatty and interesting, you talk for a few days then he suddenly tells you that he's actually 58 and his photo was 15 years ago.  There are of course those that are married, but they often attempt sex chat within a couple of minutes, the best antidote for them is to tell them about your day with the kids and that they are sat at the side of you as you are talking ;) really puts them off and they never message again.

So this last month or so I've chatted to some lovely people and had some lovely dates, although I did have a busy day a couple of weeks ago, I had 2 dates in one day within metres of each other lol, the first was an older guy, bit of a rocker, really interesting, he didn't work other than doing gigs, but he looked after the grandkids! we got on really well, and he was lovely and text quite a few times but think he realised he didn't want the lifestyle I could offer.

The second date, omg, I couldn't get out of there fast enough, he looked nothing like his photo, he behaved nothing like he sounded online. He was a bit of a geek and I think I would have overpowered him on so  many levels, I made my excuses to leave, but he insisted on walking me back to the car, he tried to kiss me twice! yuk! I jumped in the car before he could try again, he later text saying they were amazing kisses, ugghhhh I don't think so mate, your lips barely touched mine before I moved away. I politely told him i wasn't interested, but he replied saying he thought I was perfect. Hmm really ? well yeah i am, but not for you lol :)

I got talking to a guy one morning, and he was amazing, he works in the job I eventually want to be doing, he's got a history that makes him interesting and he is cute. We swapped numbers and text during the day, I went to work as normal in the evening and ten minutes into the session he text me saying hi. Luckily it transpired that the session I was doing was only gonna be an hour cos the lads wanted to watch the football, so I text the guy saying that it was a shame I didn't know him well enough to call round for a cuppa, he agreed and said especially as he lived behind where I was working. Well that was it, I said sod it I'm on my way, so I text my mate with the address so she knew where I was (just in case), I was there in 5 minutes, he was outside waiting. Cuter in real life, we sat and chatted for an hour, albeit he did most of the talking. It was lovely, I managed to blag another hour out of the house (told ex i was working late lol), I really didn't want to leave but after another hour I had to, so he walked me to my car and we chatted a little longer, he looked at my lips a couple of times and I thought he was gonna kiss me, but no :(  We've text loads and will maybe meet up again, but i'm not sure it'll go beyond friendship as we have a different outlook on life.

There's always the ones that appear from no-where, the ones that you least expect and I have a feeling that someone is about to be that someone, but I'm not gonna say anymore :)

I'm so happy with how my life is at the mo and i'm having so much fun dating even when I'm clearly way too good for them all LOL :)

Dyson's and music

It's been one of those lovely home ed days, Princess woke up about 8 and watched a dvd in her room, me and the boys woke about 9, well Einstein was nearer to 10am.  I pottered about in my room while the kids got their breakfast and fed the animals.  I've been keeping an eye on the news all day hoping and wishing for news of April Jones, the little 5 year old that has been abducted in Wales, but still no good news, it's so sad and it makes me more grateful to have my babies safe with me.    The kids came running upstairs with the Graze box that had just been delivered. Twice a week we climb into my bed and devour the contents, trying new seeds, or rice crackers, we love the flapjacks.

The kids swapped some washing over and emptied the dishwasher while I cleaned up after our old cat, poor thing is getting worse and most nights doesn't make it to the litter tray in time.  We then decided to explore the huge box that had been delivered on Monday, we'd been sent a Dyson, especially for schools/home edders, it contained a Dyson, lots of cleaner heads and screwdrivers and an instruction manual. Princess wasn't too interested so set herself up on the chaise with the laptop and went on youtube, she's obsessed with Bruno Mars's Lazy Song and is always looking for new versions, then she put Horrid Henry on. Me and the boys spent a couple of hours taking the Dyson apart, discussing why it was designed the way it was, how it worked and how other things are designed. I haven't seen StuntMan this interested in something for a while, they worked together too, was lovely to watch.

We had a lazy late lunch sat on the sofa watching Big Bang Theory, we love this programme, I know it has some adult content, but it has triggered some really interesting questions from the kids, as well as showing to them that sex isn't a taboo subject with me, today's episode was one of Einstein's favourites, the one with the cricket, he was in stitches laughing. StuntMan decided to go off and start building a den in his bedroom, the others eventually followed. There was a little bit of bickering and I've had to step in a couple of times and seperate them. But they then put some music on and danced and played upstairs for a couple of hours. I sat with my music on downstairs, and worked on my book. I think I have most of it done now, just a few bits to add and then I need someone to go through it and alter any layout and grammar problems with it. I'm quite excited that very soon I shall be looking at getting it published!  So for those of you that enjoy my blog or know me in real life, I think you will enjoy the book, it's my biography and I promise it's a good read (well I've got to say that cos I wrote it lol)

The evening has gone tits up, cos we had home made pizza for lunch, no one was ready for tea at tea time, so instead the kids have been drawing, but the bickering started, and StuntMan was nasty to Einstein (I missed what was said) but it resorted in Einstein screwing up his drawing. It's so sad when he does that, he has so little self worth and even when he's done something good he can soon be screwing it up and being upset that it was no good. So I've sent the boys to their room for a while to calm down. I'll feed them a snack and we'll all head upstairs. I'm dying my hair tonight, no idea what colour yet :) maybe a rainbow again :)

I'll get by with a little help from my friends

I took my blog offline for a while for many reasons that I won't go into. But I have missed writing it, I have missed being able to share my life, I've missed being able to get stuff written down, it's like my therapy I suppose, I've never needed anyone to hold my hand, or tell me what to do, I suppose I just need someone to talk to. Unfortunately my friends that lived locally did a vanishing act when my daughter's sperm donor did  a runner with my best friend and I never rebuilt those kinds of friendships, what I have got it so much better.  Friends that I may not see very often, sometimes once a year, sometimes twice a month, but they all have one thing in common, they are amazing! I love them dearly and I know that I have a small group of people that I can truly call a friend. They have shown me this, this last couple of weeks.

Since having my gall bladder removed two years ago, I have suffered with pains in my side, it doesn't happen everyday and usually only when I sit to the dining table so I sort of kept forgetting about it, I finally got round to going to the docs a few months ago, she reckoned it was scar tissue and sent me for an ultrasound scan.  The scan showed that yes it was scar tissue but it also showed that there was a lump in there, a 13mm lump! The scan technician didn't know what it was attached to or what it was. So sent me back to the GP.  GP said I needed a CT scan, but that the consultant would have to refer me. Finally 4 weeks later I went to see the consultant and have a blood test. He referred me for the CT scan, he told me he didn't think the lump was anything to worry about but that he wasn't sure.

A week and a bit later I went for the CT scan (last night) it wasn't pleasant, I was expected to drink a litre of this awful liquid in half an hour!  I sat chatting to a lady (must have been in her 70's, we talked about home education, vaccines and the dangers (she was a nurse years ago) then she asked why I was there, I told her why. She asked if I had any support, I told her my kids were all the support I needed along with a couple of good friends.  After 300 ml of the liquid I thought I was going to be sick, I may be a big girl but my stomach capacity is low. I mentioned this to the receptionist who came back and asked if I try to drink another 100ml, I managed to in little sips. Then I was called in, I had to undress and put on a hospital gown but of course they aren't designed for a size 22, so I had to put a second one on, like a cardigan, to cover my arse lol.

I laid on the scan table, the woman was lovely, although she couldn't find a vein (for the injection) so called her colleague, he managed to find a vein, but bloody hell that one hurt. I had to lay with my arm up at the side of my head. Then the scan started, I tried my best to relax and think happy thoughts, then the woman pumped some stuff into my arm. It made all my blood feel warm and weird and although it only lasted a couple of minutes at the most it was an experience I would rather I didn't have to experience again.  So once it was over I asked if they saw anything, unfortunately they weren't able to tell me anything. I left and had a fag on the way back to the car, I climbed in and cried, I cried for ages, I was scared, really really scared, what happens if this is something to be worried about? All my worst nightmares flashed through my brain, what happens if it's cancer? what happens if I die? who will have the kids, who will carry on loving them like I do?

I spoke to the consultant's secretary today and the results weren't back,  I have to ring tomorrow. I have spent the day trying to keep busy, chatting to friends, playing with the kids, watching the kids have their music lessons and having lots of cuddles.

One thing I have realised though, is that sometimes I do need to rely on my friends to keep me going, and they have managed that this week, so many people have sent texts or fb messages and I appreciate every word, then there have been a small group of friends that have messaged everyday, or rung, they have known without me having to say much that I am stressing, that I am worried sick, they've all told me that I should try not to worry, that everything will be ok. I have taken every word in and every word has been a great comfort to me.  I've also been told to be kind to myself, so I have, I've tried not to take on much, I even cancelled going into work, so I could crash at home with my babies, then crash out and eat chinese food (courtesy of the ex, he has been brill this week)  while watching tv.  Now I have no idea if there is anything to worry about, or if there will be any further tests or anything else, but what I do know is that with the support of the most amazing friends ever I can get through this.  These friends have a lot going on in their lives but have made a point of checking in on me each day and I want to say thank you, you are all amazing.

So Home Educated kids don't have friends?

I am pig sick of people assuming because I home educate, it means my children are isolated. I bloody wish it was true sometimes, to be honest I wish I had installed revolving doors instead of a front door.

In the first school my boys went to, they had few friends, the couple that Einstein did have didn't play outside of school (apart from one and he was allowed to wander the streets aged 4, so I think that coming here was a comfort thing in the early days), the friends he did have weren't loyal, soon dumping him for a cooler group, one lad claiming to be his best friend actually slashed his cheek at a lunch break with his finger nails for trying to cuddle him. They were 6 years old !
He was depressed and constantly crying, he was being bullied by teachers and the head mistress, all refusing to acknowledge that he had SEN and they ignored the recommendations of the Ed Psych, these recommendations included letting him first or last in queues, to avoid him being overwhelmed as well as reminding him that he didn't need to be boss or win, his social skills were poor but with support he would enjoy playing with others. StuntMan  was only tiny and in nursery, so didn't really have 'friends' but he played alongside others nicely.

I tried a new school for the boys, they made friends and were invited to parties and for tea,  they would also come over to us.  The 4 year old stray child was now older and spending a lot of time here through choice, he understood Einstein's quirks.  But in school things were going down hill again, StuntMan wouldn't talk, when he joined in with games in the playground he was often pushed aside, Einstein was starting to have problems with staff again so I decided to home educate.

Now this is when you realise how bad school is for teaching children how to maintain a true friendship.  Einstein left only wanting to see a couple of the kids again, StuntMan was pretty happy just to see one.  No sooner had we started home educating we were involved with local families and would visit at least one family a week (or they would come to us) we were going on Home Ed outings with lots of other families, this soon extended to Home Ed play meets, where there are lots of children. The boys were old enough to play out on the street and were making friends with lots of children. Princess was now friends with the girls next door and next door but one.  If there is ever an argument or an issue with home ed kids the parents help them resolve the issues. There is little if any bullying, the kids play with a mixture of ages and sexes. There's rarely a limit to how long they can play together.  The friendships last longer and don't seem to break up over little things, there's always an adult on hand to help discuss any issues and help the kids figure things out.   Princess has never witnessed playground politics and when I see it creeping in through the other kids I try to explain that they are all friends and that it doesn't matter if one likes Justin Bieber and the others don't. 

The kids are now old enough to ring/text/facebook their friends to arrange get togethers and every day there are numerous knocks at the door.  Some days I have to say no to anyone coming in, because it is so busy, I rarely get time with just my kids.  They are all part of a club (or more than one) like cubs, rainbows, gymnastics or archery. They are friends with each other and friends of all ages. When we are out and about they will talk to people, I have taught them that it is ok to talk to strangers when they are with me, they often tell a shop assistant something about themselves or about home ed.  They are comfortable talking with anyone and even have the confidence to ask for things in a shop if they can't find them. This is the boys that when they left school didn't speak to anyone other than close family and friends, they wouldn't have had the courage to approach a kid on the park and ask to kick a ball about with them.

Home Education doesn't mean sitting in the house 9-3 five days a week, we visit museums and other wonderful places, often stopping to talk to guides/staff.   There aren't many days that we stay in all day and when we do it's to recover from being out and about so much. So if you started reading this with the image of children sat in silence to the dining table working all day, remove that image and fill it with one of 3 very happy children that have no issues playing with a 1 year old or a teenager, talking to their best mate or an old guy, having a quiet day at home or one filled with 20 other kids of all ages playing wonderful games together.

A letter of memory

28th July 2012


Hi Elizabeth,

My name is Cheryl, I was friends with your mum a very long time ago back when we were teenagers. I have 3 young children currently aged 11, 9 and 5 (soon).  I live in Doncaster, not too far from where me and your mum used to hang out.  I don't remember how we became friends. It was one of those friendships that sort of just happened.
We were both a bit of a misfit with school, we both wore long black, or tie dyed skirts with loads of tassles, black tshirts and our big heavy leather biker jackets and our doc martens, whilst most of the others wore ripped jeans and tracksuit tops.  Your mum would have her crazy big hair tied back, I had really badly dyed hair, usually with my scalp or forehead matching my hair dye.   We spent many an afternoon just wandering around or listening to music in one of our bedrooms.  We loved guns and roses and our friend Daz would make us mix tapes of all our favourite stuff.  (tapes in case you don't know were what we had before cd's existed :) )    We had some mutual friends, Azz, Russ, Daz, Frostie, she has maybe mentioned them? they were good lads (most of the time) and we often spent time sat having a laugh with them.
There's so many stories I could tell you, some I probably shouldn't hehehe!   There are some that stand out more than others. But every memory I have is one that will stay with me forever, your mum was one of the first true friends I had, she didn't care that I was fat, she didn't care that I didn't know how a friendship should work.  She had all the time in the world for me, probably because we were both misfits.

 We had gone to a festival with her dad, Glyn and Emma (I think), we were skint and had spent our last few quid on fags (don't ever smoke, its gross and I'm glad I've quit :)  )    so we were hanging around the beer tent hoping someone would buy us a drink, but no one would, so we chatted up the bar man, who very kindly would let the pints overflow and was catching it,  pouring it into pint glasses and letting us have it. Thinking about it now it was probably really gross, but we managed a couple of pints of cider for free :) at the same festival we were invited to join a small party, we laughed loads that night, we talked loads too, both of us were terrible at choosing decent boyfriends and we would listen to the other moan about men, there were many times where we provided a shoulder to cry on for each other.   We ended up with a rather drunk bunch of people, a demijohn of scrumpy cider was passed around for us all to drink, from the same straw! again really quite gross, but fun at the time.  We laid under the stars and talked for ages. Then tried sneaking back into the tent, but we were caught, oops !!! we were a little underage to be getting drunk :)

Me and your mum wore black all year round and always had our biker jackets with us, it was a boiling hot summer holidays and we were bored, now bearing in mind this was pre mobile phones and parents only let us make one or two calls if we were lucky. We had called some friends and organised to meet them in the next village, but what we had failed to do was make sure we had bus money, turns out we didn't, but we weren't allowed to make another call, so rather than standing our friends up we decided to walk.  We started off in our docmartens and biker jackets, the jackets soon came off, the long skirts were soon rolled up and the tshirts tied in a knot at the front.  Then the boots came off, we'd only walked half a mile or so and were sweltering, we fastened the shoelaces and hung the boots around our necks. we managed another half mile or so and stopped to watch some men resurfacing the road, at first this was fun, but then we realised the lovely smooth road we had been walking on was now awful new rough road, we thought about cutting accross the fields, but decided we ran the risk of getting lost, so we stuck to the road. We had to put the boots back on and started to try hitching a ride, which back in 1993 (ish) was a fairly safe thing to do, we walked another mile with no one stopping, then a lovely old guy stopped and offered us a lift, we gladly jumped in the car, but what made us laugh the most was that we were less than a 1 minute drive from the village  hahaha!  Our flipping friends didn't turn up! So we found a pay phone and reversed the charges on her dad and asked him to come and pick us up.

We spent many a day sat down by the canal watching the ducks and boats, or on the bench at the street junction, hoping to get beeped at by lads, we would listen to music, we would try and sneak out for a crafty fag, usually getting caught, because it was a small village, everyone knew who Naomi was, so would tell her parents if they saw her smoking or drinking :)   I remember there being 2 stair cases in her house, one being a spiral metal staircase. Strange the things you remember when looking back.  I actually took my kids there a few years ago, to show them where I used to hang out. (I'd be happy to do the same with you if you ever want to.)

Me and Naomi had some huge arguments, and we were as stubborn as each other, but we would always make up quickly. Unfortunately we lost touch once I settled into a relationship, only contacting each other again on Facebook last year.  We planned on meeting up, but then she didn't come online for ages. Then I got the awful news from Emma, that she passed away yesterday.  I did cry loads and also contacted as many of our old friends as I could.  I know I have never met you, but I wanted to share my memories of your mum, she was a wonderful person and I loved her dearly.  A true friend and bloody crazy.

Most of my memories have alcohol in them, me and your mum didn't know any other way of being social, I wish I could go back and tell those girls that alcohol really isn't an answer to our problems, and to cherish every second you have with your friends, the ones you truly love.

I don't know if you are going to read this now or wait till you are older, but please keep it, I want you to make sure you remember that your mum was loved, there are a lot of people who wanted to come to the funeral, but can't due to family and work commitments.  But I will be there and will love your mum forever.

If you ever want to know about her teenage years then feel free to contact me on facebook or phone 07...

All my Love

Cheryl
xxxx

Why I recommend people tell the LA to sod off.

I sent a lovely deregistration letter into the school,  saying how pleased I had been with certain teachers.  I didn't slag the school off even though some teachers had made life difficult for Einstein, because they refused to acknowledge his needs and differences.  I was hoping to leave things on a positive, even though things had been awful for my son.  I didn't get a response, instead I was ignored. This took me by surprise but I wasn't too bothered by it.

Unfortunately I caught a sickness bug not long after deregistering them, I stupidly answered the phone, in between bouts of throwing up, the woman waffled out her name so fast and didn't explain who she was, all I know is that she was something to do with home education and wanted to come and see us, I asked that she call me back another day because I was ill. She agreed, eventually, after trying to push me for a date, I threw up and hung up the phone.

I didn't hear anything for weeks, assuming she had forgotten.  My dad was visiting one day and we saw a lady walk down the drive carrying a briefcase, I said 'I bet this is the woman', she wasn't!  She apologised for turning up unannounced but was in the area, so thought she would bring me the forms out that I had to fill in. She didn't ask to come in.  At the time I didn't see anything odd about this, although reading the forms that asked about our curriculum and subjects made me aware that they clearly didn't know much about home ed, I also felt the forms didn't look official so therefore not compulsory, so i made hamster bedding with them.  I still to this day have no idea who she was.

I thought that was it, oh how wrong I was!  We had been out to toddler group as we usually did on a Wednesday morning, as we got in, the phone was ringing, I answered and all I heard was
'Where were you? where were you?' being bellowed at me
'excuse me, but who are you?'
'Where were you?'
'If you tell me who you are I will decide if you have any right to know where I was!'
'I'm Mrs B from Doncaster Council, ...' she did say her name and job title but I was flustered by this stage and didn't hear her.
'I came to see you this morning and you didn't answer the door'
'Well I was out as I wasn't expecting visitors'
'You told me to come today'
'I have no idea who you are or that I've ever spoken to you'
'well I rang you and we booked today in'
I finally sussed she was the one that called when I was sick, I explained how we had not made an appointment, but I had told her to ring me back another time.
'Are you calling me a liar' she shouted
'er yeah' I said, ' You called me when I was sick and I asked you to call me back another day'
'well I've got it written in my diary to visit you'
'well I think maybe you made a mistake'
this conversation went on for ages, she was obnoxious, it ended with me asking what she wanted to see me for anyway.
'to discuss whether you need support getting your child back into school or help sort any issues with school'
'no I don't and don't ever call or write to me, I never want you to contact me again'
I hung up, I was actually shaking, so I sat and took a moment to pull myself together, then I tried to figure out who she was, so I rang the council and explained to the receptionist that I'd like to talk to the manager of the department that deals with children who are deregistered. She put me through to integration and education welfare. I spoke to the manager Mr D, he listened carefully and agreed I should not be spoken to in that manner, but maybe I had made the mistake, (I forgot to add in here that he also tried telling me there was a new law that meant I had to let them in, I later realise he was attempting to pass the Badman shite off as law!) I didn't back down and sent a written complaint in, I received an apology for the 'misunderstanding'.

All went quiet, then one day I had a letter and the same forms as before, the letter basically said I had to have a visit from the Elective Home Education Consultant, it didn't explain my options. The leaflet which was  included,  talked mostly of curriculum's and lessons and keeping records.  Again I didn't fill the forms in, but there was a date in the letter for a meeting at my house, I didn't know I had an option to cancel.
THE LEAFLET
'...it will, however, be the responsibility of the parent to show the Local Authority that the programme of work is helping the child to learn and that the child is making progress.....'
the purpose of the first visit  is to discuss your plane and he quality and range of the curriculum to be offered....'
'evidence would usually include a written programme of work, samples of work, an interview with a parent and a discussion with the child'
'should parents elect not to meet the consultant the evidence of the programme of work and a full range of work samples is of critical importance'


I spent hours cleaning the house and telling the kids to be on best behaviour, I let the EHE in, and she sat there, belittling all my choices, telling me how important it is to push Einstein to write, that Home Ed kids don't have friends, that school is really the best place, that I should push for a diagnosis for Einstein. She was awful.  She sent a report, that stated I should keep the kids work in date order and split into subjects and that it should all be named and dated, she said that whilst the little bit she was allowed to see showed an education was being provided, she expected at the next visit to see a lot more written work.  She also mentioned my 1 year old daughter in the report.  I made a complaint and had the report altered, but they said that this was the EHE's opinion and only she could amend it. But she was on holiday. Once she came back I contacted her, she said that because it had been a while since she visited (2 months) she would need to do another visit because she couldn't remember us, and her notes matched her report. I declined!

A few months later there was a knock at the door, we were all still in pj's and watching a film, breakfast pots still on the table, she was a social worker and demanded I let her in, without going into it too much, she had an allegation that I loved one kid more than the other and that home ed was an issue. She thought home education was illegal, looked around my house, attempted to talk to my kids, who ignored her lol.  She went away telling me she thought that would be the last of it, but then I got a letter saying they wanted to do a core assessment, which would involve weeks of interviews and meetings and discussions with my children, also that they recomended I have another EHE visit, because their last report (less than 6 months previous) was no longer valid.  I fought them and never met with them again, or let them meet the kids again, I also didn't agree to the EHE visits again.  I sent in doctors reports, to show I was looking into a diagnosis for Mathew, I sent a report of all the activities and places we went where adults were in contact with my children, I had people (25 of them) that were in contact with my children and/or knew me well to write character statements, and I kept fighting until they agreed that actually there was no cause for concern. Which they never actually had, their report said no concern except they are not see by a teacher every day. I told them that this was discrimination against home edders who legally choose to educate their children.  The case was dropped. The social worker was shipped off, from what I have heard she was sacked.  The whole thing had been started by 2 family members, that knew little to nothing about me and had decided cos my kids didn't sit to the table to eat, and were allowed to watch tv and eat sweets and of course now didn't go to school that I must have been covering up abuse. Oh and of course that I loved the older one more, cos he sometimes needed a bit more attention because of his ASD and SPD stuff.

 I got to know more about the law, and the home ed  requirements. Well I was fuming to say the least, they had not once said I could send a report or anything other option for that matter. Then I became ill, I needed my gall bladder removing and it was making me really ill and tired. I got a letter (8 months after initial visit) asking for another visit, I replied saying I would provide them with a report in due course, but due to illness that they give me some time. in the space of a month I had 3 phone calls and 2 letters demanding my report, by this stage I was even more ill.  I sent an email saying it had not been a year since their visit and I would write to them before then.

Then I was admitted into hospital, I spent 2 weeks being admitted, always being told I was next on the list for the op, to find someone else was rushed in in front of me, I kept coming home and back again the next day. I had 2 missed calls from the EHE (still a month before the year was up)  I answered the call laid in hospital, she was really arsey with me and demanded a report, so I emailed a very short report to them from my hospital bed.
'Dear EHE, I am still happy to be home educating and take my responsibilities to provide a suitable education, seriously.  I provide access to numerous materials, including, books, computers and outings. The children are happy to be home educated and thriving
Regards
Me.' (or something like that)


THE REPORT
'...as no evidence of the children's work was provided it is difficuly to write a more detailed report, or relate the children's individual achievements.

 It said they would contact me in a year. Just over a year later I received a letter that said; 

'I would like to introduce myself as the new consultant for elective home education in Doncaster, .......... I note from our records that you prefer to submit a report outlining the educational provision for.......As it is a year since we last made enquiries, I would be pleased to receive your report by the end of April........'
I replied:
Dear Mrs W,
I am still home educating my children, ensuring it meets their individual needs, aptitudes and abilities. As you are probably aware there is nothing in law that states I have to meet with yourselves nor provide a report and you should only be making enquiries if there is evidence that an education isn't being provided.
I am including the following information just so that you have a little bit of info about our home educating, we follow a semi structured/autonomous style, child led, and child centred.  I make sure they have access to plenty of resources including books and computers, we are actively involved in the home education community.
I now do not expect to hear from you again unless there are concerns.
Regards
ME

I got a thanks for that, email.

Since then, I have met with the LA with other local people, at their offices, to discuss their recent bad behaviour, letters and website. At this meeting it was agreed that we (the home edders) would write drafts for their letters. website and leaflet and that they would be checked over by the EHE and authorised by management. We were promised that they wanted to improve things and that an open meeting would soon be organised for all families and the LA to attend to discuss issues etc.
We spent hours rewriting and discussing these documents, I organised to meet Mrs W at my home to discuss them and hopefully get her to agree to what we wanted.  When she turned up, it was clear that she felt intimidated by me,  but also her boss, who didn't even know she was here.  She went away promising that the letters would be sorted. Also that the open meeting was being sorted.

Then it all went tits up, her boss left unexpectedly to a different role, leaving her not knowing who, what or where.  I'd asked to see a copy of the EHE policy and been fobbed off, so I sent a FOI (freedom of information request) it came back with a copy and a copy of the new draft, which is awful.   I sent emails (so did Fiona Nicholson, who had been working with us) to the people we knew of at the LA that might be able to help make some progress, we had a list of names, but no one willing to say yes lets get this done.  We finally were given the name of the replacement, Mrs V, I emailed her and she responded with 'I'm sure we will meet and talk soon' I replied asking when, I didn't get a reply, nor did I get a reply from my emails to Mrs W, or any of the other staff, there seemed to be a strange silence. We found this worrying, so drafted a complaint and sent it in. I'm still waiting for a response. We know they were having a meeting this week, so we are waiting on the outcome.

Meanwhile, I was emailed by a newcomer to home ed to say she had had a letter from Learning and Behaviour Support ;
'..........Although I am sure you have already given serious thought to such an important matter, we would like to arrange a visit with NW our Re-Integration Officer to discuss this with you before we formally
process home education. We would ·Iike to arrange a visit for X date if this is convenient. You can telephone us on 000 or write to her at the address below to confirm this  date, and we will be able to discuss this with you.I am sure you will appreciate that the Local Authority must ensure that you are clearly informed about the legal situation, the relevant sections of the Education Acts and the Authority's procedure for monitoring education at home. Accordingly, information and guidance notes for parents are attached with this letter. It is important that you read all this information carefully, but I must draw your attention
to Part 1 The Legal Framework........'

She couldn't understand what they wanted, when she already new it was Mrs W that did EHE, she had a few things going on so I called on her behalf and spoke to NW and cancelled the appointment.  She told me that the appointment was so she could discuss with the family whether they were happy with the decision to home educate, or whether there were issues she could help resolve with the school. I told her they were happy, to which I was told, 'ok, I will pass the families details onto Mrs W the EHE, so she can organise a visit' I told her the family probably wont be having a visit 'oh well that's ok they can send children's work in instead as evidence'  'yep they wont be doing that either' I replied, to this she didn't know what to say, I asked if she knew EHE law, no she didn't, and was surprised that what she thought was law, actually wasn't.  I suggested that we meet and discuss all of this, she liked the idea and welcomed ways to make things better.  But, and isn't there always a frigging but? she spoke to her manager who rang me eventually a few days later, he was not willing to discuss anything, and downright refused to acknowledge that their behaviours were not appropriate. I also notified him (as we had already done every other member of staff) that the cooling off period that they had instigated was actually illegal and went again the 'pupil registration regulations 2006' his was not interested and wanted to know who would take action against them if it wasn't sorted.  He said that they would contact home edders if they ever felt the need to ask for their input on the LA policies.

So not only do they know they are acting beyond the EHE guidelines, they are breaking the law, by telling schools not to remove children's names immediately, they don't actually care.  They are refusing to speak with us, or meet with us.  So I await a response to the complaint, and see if anything happens off the back of the meeting they've had.

I don't hold out much hope, so for now, I tell any local family to not deal with them at all, opt out of visits, don't send lengthy reports and definitely don't fill in their dodgy forms.  I happily will help any family and as I have before I will speak on their behalf. I will help write letters, I will say you should always reply to their correspondence, even if it is stating the law and saying sod off!!!!!