I sent a lovely deregistration letter into the school, saying how pleased I had been with certain teachers. I didn't slag the school off even though some teachers had made life difficult for Einstein, because they refused to acknowledge his needs and differences. I was hoping to leave things on a positive, even though things had been awful for my son. I didn't get a response, instead I was ignored. This took me by surprise but I wasn't too bothered by it.
Unfortunately I caught a sickness bug not long after deregistering them, I stupidly answered the phone, in between bouts of throwing up, the woman waffled out her name so fast and didn't explain who she was, all I know is that she was something to do with home education and wanted to come and see us, I asked that she call me back another day because I was ill. She agreed, eventually, after trying to push me for a date, I threw up and hung up the phone.
I didn't hear anything for weeks, assuming she had forgotten. My dad was visiting one day and we saw a lady walk down the drive carrying a briefcase, I said 'I bet this is the woman', she wasn't! She apologised for turning up unannounced but was in the area, so thought she would bring me the forms out that I had to fill in. She didn't ask to come in. At the time I didn't see anything odd about this, although reading the forms that asked about our curriculum and subjects made me aware that they clearly didn't know much about home ed, I also felt the forms didn't look official so therefore not compulsory, so i made hamster bedding with them. I still to this day have no idea who she was.
I thought that was it, oh how wrong I was! We had been out to toddler group as we usually did on a Wednesday morning, as we got in, the phone was ringing, I answered and all I heard was
'Where were you? where were you?' being bellowed at me
'excuse me, but who are you?'
'Where were you?'
'If you tell me who you are I will decide if you have any right to know where I was!'
'I'm Mrs B from Doncaster Council, ...' she did say her name and job title but I was flustered by this stage and didn't hear her.
'I came to see you this morning and you didn't answer the door'
'Well I was out as I wasn't expecting visitors'
'You told me to come today'
'I have no idea who you are or that I've ever spoken to you'
'well I rang you and we booked today in'
I finally sussed she was the one that called when I was sick, I explained how we had not made an appointment, but I had told her to ring me back another time.
'Are you calling me a liar' she shouted
'er yeah' I said, ' You called me when I was sick and I asked you to call me back another day'
'well I've got it written in my diary to visit you'
'well I think maybe you made a mistake'
this conversation went on for ages, she was obnoxious, it ended with me asking what she wanted to see me for anyway.
'to discuss whether you need support getting your child back into school or help sort any issues with school'
'no I don't and don't ever call or write to me, I never want you to contact me again'
I hung up, I was actually shaking, so I sat and took a moment to pull myself together, then I tried to figure out who she was, so I rang the council and explained to the receptionist that I'd like to talk to the manager of the department that deals with children who are deregistered. She put me through to integration and education welfare. I spoke to the manager Mr D, he listened carefully and agreed I should not be spoken to in that manner, but maybe I had made the mistake, (I forgot to add in here that he also tried telling me there was a new law that meant I had to let them in, I later realise he was attempting to pass the Badman shite off as law!) I didn't back down and sent a written complaint in, I received an apology for the 'misunderstanding'.
All went quiet, then one day I had a letter and the same forms as before, the letter basically said I had to have a visit from the Elective Home Education Consultant, it didn't explain my options. The leaflet which was included, talked mostly of curriculum's and lessons and keeping records. Again I didn't fill the forms in, but there was a date in the letter for a meeting at my house, I didn't know I had an option to cancel.
THE LEAFLET
'...it will, however, be the responsibility of the parent to show the Local Authority that the programme of work is helping the child to learn and that the child is making progress.....'
the purpose of the first visit is to discuss your plane and he quality and range of the curriculum to be offered....'
'evidence would usually include a written programme of work, samples of work, an interview with a parent and a discussion with the child'
'should parents elect not to meet the consultant the evidence of the programme of work and a full range of work samples is of critical importance'
I spent hours cleaning the house and telling the kids to be on best behaviour, I let the EHE in, and she sat there, belittling all my choices, telling me how important it is to push Einstein to write, that Home Ed kids don't have friends, that school is really the best place, that I should push for a diagnosis for Einstein. She was awful. She sent a report, that stated I should keep the kids work in date order and split into subjects and that it should all be named and dated, she said that whilst the little bit she was allowed to see showed an education was being provided, she expected at the next visit to see a lot more written work. She also mentioned my 1 year old daughter in the report. I made a complaint and had the report altered, but they said that this was the EHE's opinion and only she could amend it. But she was on holiday. Once she came back I contacted her, she said that because it had been a while since she visited (2 months) she would need to do another visit because she couldn't remember us, and her notes matched her report. I declined!
A few months later there was a knock at the door, we were all still in pj's and watching a film, breakfast pots still on the table, she was a social worker and demanded I let her in, without going into it too much, she had an allegation that I loved one kid more than the other and that home ed was an issue. She thought home education was illegal, looked around my house, attempted to talk to my kids, who ignored her lol. She went away telling me she thought that would be the last of it, but then I got a letter saying they wanted to do a core assessment, which would involve weeks of interviews and meetings and discussions with my children, also that they recomended I have another EHE visit, because their last report (less than 6 months previous) was no longer valid. I fought them and never met with them again, or let them meet the kids again, I also didn't agree to the EHE visits again. I sent in doctors reports, to show I was looking into a diagnosis for Mathew, I sent a report of all the activities and places we went where adults were in contact with my children, I had people (25 of them) that were in contact with my children and/or knew me well to write character statements, and I kept fighting until they agreed that actually there was no cause for concern. Which they never actually had, their report said no concern except they are not see by a teacher every day. I told them that this was discrimination against home edders who legally choose to educate their children. The case was dropped. The social worker was shipped off, from what I have heard she was sacked. The whole thing had been started by 2 family members, that knew little to nothing about me and had decided cos my kids didn't sit to the table to eat, and were allowed to watch tv and eat sweets and of course now didn't go to school that I must have been covering up abuse. Oh and of course that I loved the older one more, cos he sometimes needed a bit more attention because of his ASD and SPD stuff.
I got to know more about the law, and the home ed requirements. Well I was fuming to say the least, they had not once said I could send a report or anything other option for that matter. Then I became ill, I needed my gall bladder removing and it was making me really ill and tired. I got a letter (8 months after initial visit) asking for another visit, I replied saying I would provide them with a report in due course, but due to illness that they give me some time. in the space of a month I had 3 phone calls and 2 letters demanding my report, by this stage I was even more ill. I sent an email saying it had not been a year since their visit and I would write to them before then.
Then I was admitted into hospital, I spent 2 weeks being admitted, always being told I was next on the list for the op, to find someone else was rushed in in front of me, I kept coming home and back again the next day. I had 2 missed calls from the EHE (still a month before the year was up) I answered the call laid in hospital, she was really arsey with me and demanded a report, so I emailed a very short report to them from my hospital bed.
'Dear EHE, I am still happy to be home educating and take my responsibilities to provide a suitable education, seriously. I provide access to numerous materials, including, books, computers and outings. The children are happy to be home educated and thriving
Regards
Me.' (or something like that)
THE REPORT
'...as no evidence of the children's work was provided it is difficuly to write a more detailed report, or relate the children's individual achievements.
It said they would contact me in a year. Just over a year later I received a letter that said;
'I would like to introduce myself as the new consultant for elective home education in Doncaster, .......... I note from our records that you prefer to submit a report outlining the educational provision for.......As it is a year since we last made enquiries, I would be pleased to receive your report by the end of April........'
I replied:
Dear Mrs W,
I am still home educating my children, ensuring it meets their individual needs, aptitudes and abilities. As you are probably aware there is nothing in law that states I have to meet with yourselves nor provide a report and you should only be making enquiries if there is evidence that an education isn't being provided.
I am including the following information just so that you have a little bit of info about our home educating, we follow a semi structured/autonomous style, child led, and child centred. I make sure they have access to plenty of resources including books and computers, we are actively involved in the home education community.
I now do not expect to hear from you again unless there are concerns.
Regards
ME
I got a thanks for that, email.
Since then, I have met with the LA with other local people, at their offices, to discuss their recent bad behaviour, letters and website. At this meeting it was agreed that we (the home edders) would write drafts for their letters. website and leaflet and that they would be checked over by the EHE and authorised by management. We were promised that they wanted to improve things and that an open meeting would soon be organised for all families and the LA to attend to discuss issues etc.
We spent hours rewriting and discussing these documents, I organised to meet Mrs W at my home to discuss them and hopefully get her to agree to what we wanted. When she turned up, it was clear that she felt intimidated by me, but also her boss, who didn't even know she was here. She went away promising that the letters would be sorted. Also that the open meeting was being sorted.
Then it all went tits up, her boss left unexpectedly to a different role, leaving her not knowing who, what or where. I'd asked to see a copy of the EHE policy and been fobbed off, so I sent a FOI (freedom of information request) it came back with a copy and a copy of the new draft, which is awful. I sent emails (so did Fiona Nicholson, who had been working with us) to the people we knew of at the LA that might be able to help make some progress, we had a list of names, but no one willing to say yes lets get this done. We finally were given the name of the replacement, Mrs V, I emailed her and she responded with 'I'm sure we will meet and talk soon' I replied asking when, I didn't get a reply, nor did I get a reply from my emails to Mrs W, or any of the other staff, there seemed to be a strange silence. We found this worrying, so drafted a complaint and sent it in. I'm still waiting for a response. We know they were having a meeting this week, so we are waiting on the outcome.
Meanwhile, I was emailed by a newcomer to home ed to say she had had a letter from Learning and Behaviour Support ;
'..........Although I am sure you have already given serious thought to such an important matter, we would like to arrange a visit with NW our Re-Integration Officer to discuss this with you before we formally
process home education. We would ·Iike to arrange a visit for X date if this is convenient. You can telephone us on 000 or write to her at the address below to confirm this date, and we will be able to discuss this with you.I am sure you will appreciate that the Local Authority must ensure that you are clearly informed about the legal situation, the relevant sections of the Education Acts and the Authority's procedure for monitoring education at home. Accordingly, information and guidance notes for parents are attached with this letter. It is important that you read all this information carefully, but I must draw your attention
to Part 1 The Legal Framework........'
She couldn't understand what they wanted, when she already new it was Mrs W that did EHE, she had a few things going on so I called on her behalf and spoke to NW and cancelled the appointment. She told me that the appointment was so she could discuss with the family whether they were happy with the decision to home educate, or whether there were issues she could help resolve with the school. I told her they were happy, to which I was told, 'ok, I will pass the families details onto Mrs W the EHE, so she can organise a visit' I told her the family probably wont be having a visit 'oh well that's ok they can send children's work in instead as evidence' 'yep they wont be doing that either' I replied, to this she didn't know what to say, I asked if she knew EHE law, no she didn't, and was surprised that what she thought was law, actually wasn't. I suggested that we meet and discuss all of this, she liked the idea and welcomed ways to make things better. But, and isn't there always a frigging but? she spoke to her manager who rang me eventually a few days later, he was not willing to discuss anything, and downright refused to acknowledge that their behaviours were not appropriate. I also notified him (as we had already done every other member of staff) that the cooling off period that they had instigated was actually illegal and went again the 'pupil registration regulations 2006' his was not interested and wanted to know who would take action against them if it wasn't sorted. He said that they would contact home edders if they ever felt the need to ask for their input on the LA policies.
So not only do they know they are acting beyond the EHE guidelines, they are breaking the law, by telling schools not to remove children's names immediately, they don't actually care. They are refusing to speak with us, or meet with us. So I await a response to the complaint, and see if anything happens off the back of the meeting they've had.
I don't hold out much hope, so for now, I tell any local family to not deal with them at all, opt out of visits, don't send lengthy reports and definitely don't fill in their dodgy forms. I happily will help any family and as I have before I will speak on their behalf. I will help write letters, I will say you should always reply to their correspondence, even if it is stating the law and saying sod off!!!!!
Friday, 13 July 2012
Thursday, 12 July 2012
Our Home Ed Journey So Far
It all started when I organised to pick a buggy up from a local lady on behalf of a friend of mine. We met up at the local toddler group, she had her 2 children with her, they were of school age, I asked if it was a teacher training day to which I was told 'no, we home educate'. ' What's that all about? how does it work?' etc I reeled off all the questions that home edders are asked everyday. Nicky explained the basics of it and that it was a legal option. I went away thinking how wonderful it sounded and perfect for us, as my eldest, Einstein, was having an awful time in school, again! this was the second school we had tried and things were getting worse. He was being called a trouble causer, he was bored and he didn't like going. School had no intention of giving him any extra consideration for his behaviour because he didn't have a diagnosis yet! I knew his behaviours in school were made worse by the lack of understanding from staff, a lack of thought as well. You have a child that chews things and fiddles, you don't leave him with a pencil and no paper! He will draw on the table or chair! StuntMan was in reception year and never spoke at school, they were considering speech therapy, but I knew there was nothing wrong with him at home.
I thought about the idea for a few days, spoke to my mum, she completely supported the idea, so decision was made, deregistration letter sent in and the kids never went back. I had no idea what I was doing, or how we were going to do it. I had a 1 year old at home and now my 2 older boys too. I thought I had to follow the curriculum and do structured lessons, but very quickly I learned that wasn't the case and that it wasn't working for us. Einstein needed some structure in the sense that he needed to know roughly how our days were going to go, but didn't need the school type timetable. So we took some time off to deschool and get used to being with each other again all day. We went to museums and parks, read books and played games, played on the computer and watched tv. There were no local groups, the only ones were more than half an hour away and at the time there was little chance of him coping in a new place with lots of new people.
For a while we felt quite isolated, the boys had a few local friends that they saw regularly, so having friends didn't worry me, but I had little to no support or anyone to discuss the day to day decisions with, or brainstorm ideas with. Then I found some people on facebook, fellow home edders, some in a similar position, others that had been around a long time and then there were people very knew to it all and in a similar position as I had been a few months previous. I learnt about autonomous, child led learning, and this is the path we followed, I backed off (well I tried to) from telling the kids to sit and work, we picked topics between us, chose places to visit, and holidays to have. I've tried to get rid of the school mentality, but it's been forced on me all my life as being the only choice, that school was the best place for children to be. But it was soon apparent how wrong school is for many kids, how much the schools strive to create sheeple, how children are made to ask to go to the toilet, or have a drink, basic needs that as an adult we would be fuming if we were made to ask. Home Ed is giving my children chance to self regulate, to think about their decisions etc, they were independent kids and are now very independent and confident. I quickly built up a lot if home ed friends, most of whom are still there 4 years later :) some are long gone, due to differences of opinion on parenting style and personality clashes. I've met up with quite a few too and made some really good friends. People I can ring if I need them, or arrange to meet up. I've noticed that as my knowledge of home ed and the law have increased, people come to me for advice, which I'm happy to do. I am glad that the stuff I now know can help someone who finds themselves starting off on the home ed journey with little knowledge like I did. I'm now part of a lovely local group, we have fortnightly meet ups and the group is steadily growing.
Over the last 3 years we've reassessed our approach and introduced a bit more structure when it seemed needed and backed off when needed. I think we have found a balance, Einstein is 11 and loves reading and computers, so his learning is based around that, he does workbooks to cover the stuff he hasn't covered by reading, he refused to write when he was little, but now is a lot more confident and quite happily writes lists of rules for his friends' secret groups, he is currently writing plans for a computer game. He thinks he will be ready to do his maths and science GCSE in the next year or so.
StuntMan loves his bike and scooter, he's often found out on the street practising stunts, he loves drawing too. He does some workbook type work, but gets very upset and frustrated if he comes across something he doesn't understand. But he is soon reminded that he is only 8 and is already working on 9-10 year old work books and that he can slow down and not worry about it.
Princess is nearly 5 and loves writing, reading, drawing and maths, she's working on approximately 6-7 year old stuff, shes a clever little mite and understands multiplication and times tables, she can have extremely intelligent conversations too, way beyond her years.
I seem to have 3 very bright children, which is amazing as I'm not very academic, they are inquisitive and interested in stuff many kids scoff at, they are interested in history and love random days out to amazing castles or stately homes, they love nature, visiting woodland and lakes, they love the beach, they also love their friends, we always have lot of other kids at the house playing. I love how excited they all get at simple things like amazing scenery, or a new book. We have so many books my dining room looks like a library! They all like reading and as their confidence grows, their interests widen.
My parenting has changed over the years too, instead of 'go to sleep' 'wake up' 'hurry up' I can now be found suggesting that its maybe time to be sleeping, and saying ok, one more book, or one more film, they are all really good at knowing when they are tired and sleep when they are. We wake up when we are ready and the house is lot calmer, don't get me wrong, there are still days where I shout and wonder what on earth we are doing. The kids have their moments, Einstein is very good at needing the loo when its time to do something, or StuntMan will turn on the water works, or Princess will throw a strop. They are normal kids, and just cos I home ed doesn't mean they are perfect. If we are in Tesco and they are moaning about being bored, or are fighting with each other, you can see the staff staring at you, wondering why they aren't in school, of course the check out person only ever asks why they aren't in school on the days they are being little sods, I tend to reply with that I home educate them and that they are normal kids, so just like at a weekend when the shop is over run with mardy kids, I bring mine in the week instead. Mostly I get positive responses and people out and about think it's brilliant, I hear 'Ooh i couldn't do that, I need the time away from them' 'wow is that legal?' 'wow good on ya, wish I'd know about it when my kids were little' etc, I do try to make sure people know as much as I can share in such a short conversation, so far a guy at Tesco has pulled his kids out of school, thanks to me telling him I home ed. Because I damaged my hip when I was pregnant with Princess (due to fainting and falling) my boys have been helping around the house for years, she is starting to now help too, they are responsible for keeping their rooms tidy and putting their clothes away, they sort and do the clothes washing, emptying and filling the dishwasher, sweeping, cleaning and feeding the animals, they make their own breakfasts and tidy up their toys at the end of the day. I think it's important they are involved in the running of the house so that once the housework and any sit down learning is done, we are free to do what we please, whether that's playing together or independently, it also gives me some adult time to sort out finances or my blog, or helping another home ed family out.
Many kids are kicked out of the house to play out all day, whereas I get involved and help with games and ideas and am always around to settle disagreements, many parents don't seem to care that their kids are out all day at 5 year old, I like to know my children are safe, whilst also letting them have their freedom. Einstein has started going to the youth club and now talks to girls ! He and Ben go to archery together with my ex and StuntMan goes to cubs, recently spending the weekend at camp, without me! Princess is starting rainbows and gymnastics in September. 4 years ago my boys would not have played out, they wouldn't have asked staff where something was in a shop or how much, they would barely talk to the neighbours let alone strangers. Now adays they are chatty and confident and always surprising me. I received a lovely message a few days ago from a lady (jeez she's a lady now not a kid, I feel old now lol) that used to babysit for the boys 8 years ago. She works in a local shop, and said how she dreads kids coming in, but was pleasantly surprised it was my boys and their friend, she said how polite and chatty they were and a pleasure to deal with. I was so proud !
So this is our home ed journey up until today, tomorrow everything could change, but that's cool and why we love home ed, it opens up so many more opportunities, gives the kids the freedom to be who they are.
I'd love to hear your comments, so please feel free to leave a comment :)
I thought about the idea for a few days, spoke to my mum, she completely supported the idea, so decision was made, deregistration letter sent in and the kids never went back. I had no idea what I was doing, or how we were going to do it. I had a 1 year old at home and now my 2 older boys too. I thought I had to follow the curriculum and do structured lessons, but very quickly I learned that wasn't the case and that it wasn't working for us. Einstein needed some structure in the sense that he needed to know roughly how our days were going to go, but didn't need the school type timetable. So we took some time off to deschool and get used to being with each other again all day. We went to museums and parks, read books and played games, played on the computer and watched tv. There were no local groups, the only ones were more than half an hour away and at the time there was little chance of him coping in a new place with lots of new people.
For a while we felt quite isolated, the boys had a few local friends that they saw regularly, so having friends didn't worry me, but I had little to no support or anyone to discuss the day to day decisions with, or brainstorm ideas with. Then I found some people on facebook, fellow home edders, some in a similar position, others that had been around a long time and then there were people very knew to it all and in a similar position as I had been a few months previous. I learnt about autonomous, child led learning, and this is the path we followed, I backed off (well I tried to) from telling the kids to sit and work, we picked topics between us, chose places to visit, and holidays to have. I've tried to get rid of the school mentality, but it's been forced on me all my life as being the only choice, that school was the best place for children to be. But it was soon apparent how wrong school is for many kids, how much the schools strive to create sheeple, how children are made to ask to go to the toilet, or have a drink, basic needs that as an adult we would be fuming if we were made to ask. Home Ed is giving my children chance to self regulate, to think about their decisions etc, they were independent kids and are now very independent and confident. I quickly built up a lot if home ed friends, most of whom are still there 4 years later :) some are long gone, due to differences of opinion on parenting style and personality clashes. I've met up with quite a few too and made some really good friends. People I can ring if I need them, or arrange to meet up. I've noticed that as my knowledge of home ed and the law have increased, people come to me for advice, which I'm happy to do. I am glad that the stuff I now know can help someone who finds themselves starting off on the home ed journey with little knowledge like I did. I'm now part of a lovely local group, we have fortnightly meet ups and the group is steadily growing.
Over the last 3 years we've reassessed our approach and introduced a bit more structure when it seemed needed and backed off when needed. I think we have found a balance, Einstein is 11 and loves reading and computers, so his learning is based around that, he does workbooks to cover the stuff he hasn't covered by reading, he refused to write when he was little, but now is a lot more confident and quite happily writes lists of rules for his friends' secret groups, he is currently writing plans for a computer game. He thinks he will be ready to do his maths and science GCSE in the next year or so.
StuntMan loves his bike and scooter, he's often found out on the street practising stunts, he loves drawing too. He does some workbook type work, but gets very upset and frustrated if he comes across something he doesn't understand. But he is soon reminded that he is only 8 and is already working on 9-10 year old work books and that he can slow down and not worry about it.
Princess is nearly 5 and loves writing, reading, drawing and maths, she's working on approximately 6-7 year old stuff, shes a clever little mite and understands multiplication and times tables, she can have extremely intelligent conversations too, way beyond her years.
I seem to have 3 very bright children, which is amazing as I'm not very academic, they are inquisitive and interested in stuff many kids scoff at, they are interested in history and love random days out to amazing castles or stately homes, they love nature, visiting woodland and lakes, they love the beach, they also love their friends, we always have lot of other kids at the house playing. I love how excited they all get at simple things like amazing scenery, or a new book. We have so many books my dining room looks like a library! They all like reading and as their confidence grows, their interests widen.
My parenting has changed over the years too, instead of 'go to sleep' 'wake up' 'hurry up' I can now be found suggesting that its maybe time to be sleeping, and saying ok, one more book, or one more film, they are all really good at knowing when they are tired and sleep when they are. We wake up when we are ready and the house is lot calmer, don't get me wrong, there are still days where I shout and wonder what on earth we are doing. The kids have their moments, Einstein is very good at needing the loo when its time to do something, or StuntMan will turn on the water works, or Princess will throw a strop. They are normal kids, and just cos I home ed doesn't mean they are perfect. If we are in Tesco and they are moaning about being bored, or are fighting with each other, you can see the staff staring at you, wondering why they aren't in school, of course the check out person only ever asks why they aren't in school on the days they are being little sods, I tend to reply with that I home educate them and that they are normal kids, so just like at a weekend when the shop is over run with mardy kids, I bring mine in the week instead. Mostly I get positive responses and people out and about think it's brilliant, I hear 'Ooh i couldn't do that, I need the time away from them' 'wow is that legal?' 'wow good on ya, wish I'd know about it when my kids were little' etc, I do try to make sure people know as much as I can share in such a short conversation, so far a guy at Tesco has pulled his kids out of school, thanks to me telling him I home ed. Because I damaged my hip when I was pregnant with Princess (due to fainting and falling) my boys have been helping around the house for years, she is starting to now help too, they are responsible for keeping their rooms tidy and putting their clothes away, they sort and do the clothes washing, emptying and filling the dishwasher, sweeping, cleaning and feeding the animals, they make their own breakfasts and tidy up their toys at the end of the day. I think it's important they are involved in the running of the house so that once the housework and any sit down learning is done, we are free to do what we please, whether that's playing together or independently, it also gives me some adult time to sort out finances or my blog, or helping another home ed family out.
Many kids are kicked out of the house to play out all day, whereas I get involved and help with games and ideas and am always around to settle disagreements, many parents don't seem to care that their kids are out all day at 5 year old, I like to know my children are safe, whilst also letting them have their freedom. Einstein has started going to the youth club and now talks to girls ! He and Ben go to archery together with my ex and StuntMan goes to cubs, recently spending the weekend at camp, without me! Princess is starting rainbows and gymnastics in September. 4 years ago my boys would not have played out, they wouldn't have asked staff where something was in a shop or how much, they would barely talk to the neighbours let alone strangers. Now adays they are chatty and confident and always surprising me. I received a lovely message a few days ago from a lady (jeez she's a lady now not a kid, I feel old now lol) that used to babysit for the boys 8 years ago. She works in a local shop, and said how she dreads kids coming in, but was pleasantly surprised it was my boys and their friend, she said how polite and chatty they were and a pleasure to deal with. I was so proud !
So this is our home ed journey up until today, tomorrow everything could change, but that's cool and why we love home ed, it opens up so many more opportunities, gives the kids the freedom to be who they are.
I'd love to hear your comments, so please feel free to leave a comment :)
Tuesday, 3 July 2012
What you see is not the truth!
Ok so those people that are in my life whether in real life or online, see me as a strong, opinionated, in control woman. Sometimes a glimmer of the real me comes through nervous, emotional and messed up me, but I do my best to keep it hidden.
I've battled depression since I was 15, I battled it then with alcohol, drugs and sex, they made me worse!
I fell in love and committed adultery so many times a football player would be shocked!
I had a wake up call when my grandad was diagnosed with cancer and only weeks left to live, I sorted myself out and set to marry the man I loved. The wedding was booked, I'd taken my veil and shoes in to hospital for my grandad to see and planned on visiting in my dress after the wedding, sadly he never saw me as he died the day before my wedding.
Stupidly I went through with the wedding, it was the worst day of my life, I hated who I was and that's not a good start to a marriage. A marriage to the man that to this day I believe was my sole mate.
Within months I was drinking heavily and staying out all night, eventually I started sleeping with a guy I worked with and became pregnant, obviously disastrous to my marriage so we split.
But drinking heavily and smoking weed every day had an affect on the unborn baby, so that after a huge argument and fight with the father, I lost the baby. Who looked after me? My husband!
I went on to be with a guy I'd known a long time, he was (is) alcoholic, I was dry by then, and he asked me to help him, I failed, he failed and after 2 babies, I forced him to be so wound up that he would hit me again, so I had an excuse to kick him out. He hasn't seen his boys since they were 3 years and the other was 6 months.
I've gone from disastrous relationships to traumatic relationships to boring ones, self harming, alcohol, drugs, abuse, neglect and self loathing.
I've ended up with people that needed help, always spending my time fixing the other person, neglecting me, it was easier than stepping back and seeing what a mess I really was.
I went through another dry phase but then met a compulsive liar who drank a lot, so the drinking started again, he disappeared out my life taking £5k of my money.
Then the boys started school and I met a guy, recently single, with 3 daughters, wasn't long before we were inseparable, I was dry again and felt happy, this guy filled a huge void, but his girls didn't like me and made life hard work. Eventually I fell pregnant, and within weeks he left me, with £20k of my money and with my best friend, who I spent most days with. With them they took most of my friends.
So I was left with the prospect of being a single mum to 3 kids with no partner or friends!
I considered my options and I'm so grateful I chose to keep her. But a week after she was born I lost the plot, big style, complete breakdown, luckily my health visitor knew me well and got me through it. I came out the other side the person most people see today.
I am more than capable of fighting other peoples battles with local authorities, making phone calls, attending meetings, drumming up interest in fighting the authorities, but there is always my depression eating away at me, most days I fight it well, other days it rears it's head and knocks me for six.
July is one of those months that I struggle to cope, my 21st birthday 14 years ago I was visiting my grandad talking weddings, tomorrow on my 35th birthday I will wake up on my own, with my 3 children who don't have dads, I will fight back the tears and take the kids bowling (cos it didn't quite happen today thanks to the dodgy LA) but once they are asleep I will go to bed alone and cry.
Most days I'm in control but some are a right off and I cry, I cry a lot. But then something happens, someone needs me and what I feel is pushed to one side to help someone out.
I am determined one day will find a way to deal with the depression but for now this is how I am.
I've battled depression since I was 15, I battled it then with alcohol, drugs and sex, they made me worse!
I fell in love and committed adultery so many times a football player would be shocked!
I had a wake up call when my grandad was diagnosed with cancer and only weeks left to live, I sorted myself out and set to marry the man I loved. The wedding was booked, I'd taken my veil and shoes in to hospital for my grandad to see and planned on visiting in my dress after the wedding, sadly he never saw me as he died the day before my wedding.
Stupidly I went through with the wedding, it was the worst day of my life, I hated who I was and that's not a good start to a marriage. A marriage to the man that to this day I believe was my sole mate.
Within months I was drinking heavily and staying out all night, eventually I started sleeping with a guy I worked with and became pregnant, obviously disastrous to my marriage so we split.
But drinking heavily and smoking weed every day had an affect on the unborn baby, so that after a huge argument and fight with the father, I lost the baby. Who looked after me? My husband!
I went on to be with a guy I'd known a long time, he was (is) alcoholic, I was dry by then, and he asked me to help him, I failed, he failed and after 2 babies, I forced him to be so wound up that he would hit me again, so I had an excuse to kick him out. He hasn't seen his boys since they were 3 years and the other was 6 months.
I've gone from disastrous relationships to traumatic relationships to boring ones, self harming, alcohol, drugs, abuse, neglect and self loathing.
I've ended up with people that needed help, always spending my time fixing the other person, neglecting me, it was easier than stepping back and seeing what a mess I really was.
I went through another dry phase but then met a compulsive liar who drank a lot, so the drinking started again, he disappeared out my life taking £5k of my money.
Then the boys started school and I met a guy, recently single, with 3 daughters, wasn't long before we were inseparable, I was dry again and felt happy, this guy filled a huge void, but his girls didn't like me and made life hard work. Eventually I fell pregnant, and within weeks he left me, with £20k of my money and with my best friend, who I spent most days with. With them they took most of my friends.
So I was left with the prospect of being a single mum to 3 kids with no partner or friends!
I considered my options and I'm so grateful I chose to keep her. But a week after she was born I lost the plot, big style, complete breakdown, luckily my health visitor knew me well and got me through it. I came out the other side the person most people see today.
I am more than capable of fighting other peoples battles with local authorities, making phone calls, attending meetings, drumming up interest in fighting the authorities, but there is always my depression eating away at me, most days I fight it well, other days it rears it's head and knocks me for six.
July is one of those months that I struggle to cope, my 21st birthday 14 years ago I was visiting my grandad talking weddings, tomorrow on my 35th birthday I will wake up on my own, with my 3 children who don't have dads, I will fight back the tears and take the kids bowling (cos it didn't quite happen today thanks to the dodgy LA) but once they are asleep I will go to bed alone and cry.
Most days I'm in control but some are a right off and I cry, I cry a lot. But then something happens, someone needs me and what I feel is pushed to one side to help someone out.
I am determined one day will find a way to deal with the depression but for now this is how I am.
Sunday, 1 July 2012
I'm doing my bit are you doing yours?
So the education select committee are doing an inquiry into what support, if any, the LA's are providing.
It's a chance for home edders to stand up and have their say.
Do they offer support, are they prejudiced, do they try claiming they have rights that they don't, and act ultra vires etc.???
It's a chance to have your say on whether you want financial support or if your LA already offers it and if there are any catches.
Here's the link http://www.parliament.uk/business/committees/committees-a-z/commons-select/education-committee/news/new-inquiry-support-for-home-education/
Now I can't share what I have submitted but I can say that Doncaster is atrocious at the moment so writing a damning submission was easy.
We've been in talks with them for a while and since a staff change this month things have gone downhill, after asking numerous times to see the home Ed policy I was left with no choice but to FOI it, the response was not good. A draft policy with some down right awful things. I lost count how many times it said they have a right/duty to monitor, that parents have to submit evidence of the education provision in the form of children's work etc.
I've tried ringing and emailing all the staff at the council to be met with no replies at all. Not even from the EHE of whom I even Invited into my home for us to discuss how we can change the LA documents for the better. So I have had to resort to making an official complaint.
I have made it public knowledge what the LA have been doing yet very few people are willing to make a stand. I still do not understand why not. Its not hard to say 'woah! Hang on that's not legally correct' people don't need to be as gobby and as loud as me, but a simple email to the director of the service isn't that hard.
I understand that people don't want to rock the boat, but without doing it, the LA will continue to try and make up their own rules. They will continue to assume a role that invades our privacy and legal right to home Ed. The LA will continue to expect us to roll over and do as they demand Well I never will !!! and it would be great if others were the same.
After-all what is the worst the LA can do?
Claim you aren't providing an education? Fine take me to court and I will show a judge how my 4 year old daughter can read, how my 8 year old love drawing and sport and how my 11 year old will read any book in reach. The LA would be told to sod off!
They can make welfare allegations to social services, who after their last attempt probably have a big note of don't mess with me, but even if they came knocking, I have the EHE guidelines handy and will soon send another social worker packing with no cause for concern.!! And I'd be with a family in a shot if they found themselves in that situation.
What's left for them to do? Send me lots of letters claiming loads of crap? Will be replied with me stating the guidelines and law at them and telling them not to contact me again unless they have evidence of an education not taking place!!
So really what's stopping people? To reply to the inquiry doesn't need to be complicated. Look at the questions, write a short response, bear in mind they say support, but dodgy policies and behaviour can come under lack of support ;) if you aren't sure there's plenty of us willing to help!! Email it off and then send a separate email with your personal details. Not hard? So why aren't more doing it?
Graham Stuart MP knows how bad these LA's are but needs us to document it to bring about an arse kicking :) maybe even clearer guidelines or even statutory guidelines. If things change for the worst, at least we can say we tried, they'd change them for the worst whether we had input or not! So it's at least worth a shot !!!
Please leave me a comment if you want support through any of this and if I can't help I will know someone that can :)
It's a chance for home edders to stand up and have their say.
Do they offer support, are they prejudiced, do they try claiming they have rights that they don't, and act ultra vires etc.???
It's a chance to have your say on whether you want financial support or if your LA already offers it and if there are any catches.
Here's the link http://www.parliament.uk/business/committees/committees-a-z/commons-select/education-committee/news/new-inquiry-support-for-home-education/
Now I can't share what I have submitted but I can say that Doncaster is atrocious at the moment so writing a damning submission was easy.
We've been in talks with them for a while and since a staff change this month things have gone downhill, after asking numerous times to see the home Ed policy I was left with no choice but to FOI it, the response was not good. A draft policy with some down right awful things. I lost count how many times it said they have a right/duty to monitor, that parents have to submit evidence of the education provision in the form of children's work etc.
I've tried ringing and emailing all the staff at the council to be met with no replies at all. Not even from the EHE of whom I even Invited into my home for us to discuss how we can change the LA documents for the better. So I have had to resort to making an official complaint.
I have made it public knowledge what the LA have been doing yet very few people are willing to make a stand. I still do not understand why not. Its not hard to say 'woah! Hang on that's not legally correct' people don't need to be as gobby and as loud as me, but a simple email to the director of the service isn't that hard.
I understand that people don't want to rock the boat, but without doing it, the LA will continue to try and make up their own rules. They will continue to assume a role that invades our privacy and legal right to home Ed. The LA will continue to expect us to roll over and do as they demand Well I never will !!! and it would be great if others were the same.
After-all what is the worst the LA can do?
Claim you aren't providing an education? Fine take me to court and I will show a judge how my 4 year old daughter can read, how my 8 year old love drawing and sport and how my 11 year old will read any book in reach. The LA would be told to sod off!
They can make welfare allegations to social services, who after their last attempt probably have a big note of don't mess with me, but even if they came knocking, I have the EHE guidelines handy and will soon send another social worker packing with no cause for concern.!! And I'd be with a family in a shot if they found themselves in that situation.
What's left for them to do? Send me lots of letters claiming loads of crap? Will be replied with me stating the guidelines and law at them and telling them not to contact me again unless they have evidence of an education not taking place!!
So really what's stopping people? To reply to the inquiry doesn't need to be complicated. Look at the questions, write a short response, bear in mind they say support, but dodgy policies and behaviour can come under lack of support ;) if you aren't sure there's plenty of us willing to help!! Email it off and then send a separate email with your personal details. Not hard? So why aren't more doing it?
Graham Stuart MP knows how bad these LA's are but needs us to document it to bring about an arse kicking :) maybe even clearer guidelines or even statutory guidelines. If things change for the worst, at least we can say we tried, they'd change them for the worst whether we had input or not! So it's at least worth a shot !!!
Please leave me a comment if you want support through any of this and if I can't help I will know someone that can :)
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