I am pig sick of people assuming because I home educate, it means my children are isolated. I bloody wish it was true sometimes, to be honest I wish I had installed revolving doors instead of a front door.
In the first school my boys went to, they had few friends, the couple that Einstein did have didn't play outside of school (apart from one and he was allowed to wander the streets aged 4, so I think that coming here was a comfort thing in the early days), the friends he did have weren't loyal, soon dumping him for a cooler group, one lad claiming to be his best friend actually slashed his cheek at a lunch break with his finger nails for trying to cuddle him. They were 6 years old !
He was depressed and constantly crying, he was being bullied by teachers and the head mistress, all refusing to acknowledge that he had SEN and they ignored the recommendations of the Ed Psych, these recommendations included letting him first or last in queues, to avoid him being overwhelmed as well as reminding him that he didn't need to be boss or win, his social skills were poor but with support he would enjoy playing with others. StuntMan was only tiny and in nursery, so didn't really have 'friends' but he played alongside others nicely.
I tried a new school for the boys, they made friends and were invited to parties and for tea, they would also come over to us. The 4 year old stray child was now older and spending a lot of time here through choice, he understood Einstein's quirks. But in school things were going down hill again, StuntMan wouldn't talk, when he joined in with games in the playground he was often pushed aside, Einstein was starting to have problems with staff again so I decided to home educate.
Now this is when you realise how bad school is for teaching children how to maintain a true friendship. Einstein left only wanting to see a couple of the kids again, StuntMan was pretty happy just to see one. No sooner had we started home educating we were involved with local families and would visit at least one family a week (or they would come to us) we were going on Home Ed outings with lots of other families, this soon extended to Home Ed play meets, where there are lots of children. The boys were old enough to play out on the street and were making friends with lots of children. Princess was now friends with the girls next door and next door but one. If there is ever an argument or an issue with home ed kids the parents help them resolve the issues. There is little if any bullying, the kids play with a mixture of ages and sexes. There's rarely a limit to how long they can play together. The friendships last longer and don't seem to break up over little things, there's always an adult on hand to help discuss any issues and help the kids figure things out. Princess has never witnessed playground politics and when I see it creeping in through the other kids I try to explain that they are all friends and that it doesn't matter if one likes Justin Bieber and the others don't.
The kids are now old enough to ring/text/facebook their friends to arrange get togethers and every day there are numerous knocks at the door. Some days I have to say no to anyone coming in, because it is so busy, I rarely get time with just my kids. They are all part of a club (or more than one) like cubs, rainbows, gymnastics or archery. They are friends with each other and friends of all ages. When we are out and about they will talk to people, I have taught them that it is ok to talk to strangers when they are with me, they often tell a shop assistant something about themselves or about home ed. They are comfortable talking with anyone and even have the confidence to ask for things in a shop if they can't find them. This is the boys that when they left school didn't speak to anyone other than close family and friends, they wouldn't have had the courage to approach a kid on the park and ask to kick a ball about with them.
Home Education doesn't mean sitting in the house 9-3 five days a week, we visit museums and other wonderful places, often stopping to talk to guides/staff. There aren't many days that we stay in all day and when we do it's to recover from being out and about so much. So if you started reading this with the image of children sat in silence to the dining table working all day, remove that image and fill it with one of 3 very happy children that have no issues playing with a 1 year old or a teenager, talking to their best mate or an old guy, having a quiet day at home or one filled with 20 other kids of all ages playing wonderful games together.
Friday, 17 August 2012
Monday, 13 August 2012
A letter of memory
28th July 2012
Hi Elizabeth,
My name is Cheryl, I was friends with your mum a very long time ago back when we were teenagers. I have 3 young children currently aged 11, 9 and 5 (soon). I live in Doncaster, not too far from where me and your mum used to hang out. I don't remember how we became friends. It was one of those friendships that sort of just happened.
We were both a bit of a misfit with school, we both wore long black, or tie dyed skirts with loads of tassles, black tshirts and our big heavy leather biker jackets and our doc martens, whilst most of the others wore ripped jeans and tracksuit tops. Your mum would have her crazy big hair tied back, I had really badly dyed hair, usually with my scalp or forehead matching my hair dye. We spent many an afternoon just wandering around or listening to music in one of our bedrooms. We loved guns and roses and our friend Daz would make us mix tapes of all our favourite stuff. (tapes in case you don't know were what we had before cd's existed :) ) We had some mutual friends, Azz, Russ, Daz, Frostie, she has maybe mentioned them? they were good lads (most of the time) and we often spent time sat having a laugh with them.
There's so many stories I could tell you, some I probably shouldn't hehehe! There are some that stand out more than others. But every memory I have is one that will stay with me forever, your mum was one of the first true friends I had, she didn't care that I was fat, she didn't care that I didn't know how a friendship should work. She had all the time in the world for me, probably because we were both misfits.
We had gone to a festival with her dad, Glyn and Emma (I think), we were skint and had spent our last few quid on fags (don't ever smoke, its gross and I'm glad I've quit :) ) so we were hanging around the beer tent hoping someone would buy us a drink, but no one would, so we chatted up the bar man, who very kindly would let the pints overflow and was catching it, pouring it into pint glasses and letting us have it. Thinking about it now it was probably really gross, but we managed a couple of pints of cider for free :) at the same festival we were invited to join a small party, we laughed loads that night, we talked loads too, both of us were terrible at choosing decent boyfriends and we would listen to the other moan about men, there were many times where we provided a shoulder to cry on for each other. We ended up with a rather drunk bunch of people, a demijohn of scrumpy cider was passed around for us all to drink, from the same straw! again really quite gross, but fun at the time. We laid under the stars and talked for ages. Then tried sneaking back into the tent, but we were caught, oops !!! we were a little underage to be getting drunk :)
Me and your mum wore black all year round and always had our biker jackets with us, it was a boiling hot summer holidays and we were bored, now bearing in mind this was pre mobile phones and parents only let us make one or two calls if we were lucky. We had called some friends and organised to meet them in the next village, but what we had failed to do was make sure we had bus money, turns out we didn't, but we weren't allowed to make another call, so rather than standing our friends up we decided to walk. We started off in our docmartens and biker jackets, the jackets soon came off, the long skirts were soon rolled up and the tshirts tied in a knot at the front. Then the boots came off, we'd only walked half a mile or so and were sweltering, we fastened the shoelaces and hung the boots around our necks. we managed another half mile or so and stopped to watch some men resurfacing the road, at first this was fun, but then we realised the lovely smooth road we had been walking on was now awful new rough road, we thought about cutting accross the fields, but decided we ran the risk of getting lost, so we stuck to the road. We had to put the boots back on and started to try hitching a ride, which back in 1993 (ish) was a fairly safe thing to do, we walked another mile with no one stopping, then a lovely old guy stopped and offered us a lift, we gladly jumped in the car, but what made us laugh the most was that we were less than a 1 minute drive from the village hahaha! Our flipping friends didn't turn up! So we found a pay phone and reversed the charges on her dad and asked him to come and pick us up.
We spent many a day sat down by the canal watching the ducks and boats, or on the bench at the street junction, hoping to get beeped at by lads, we would listen to music, we would try and sneak out for a crafty fag, usually getting caught, because it was a small village, everyone knew who Naomi was, so would tell her parents if they saw her smoking or drinking :) I remember there being 2 stair cases in her house, one being a spiral metal staircase. Strange the things you remember when looking back. I actually took my kids there a few years ago, to show them where I used to hang out. (I'd be happy to do the same with you if you ever want to.)
Me and Naomi had some huge arguments, and we were as stubborn as each other, but we would always make up quickly. Unfortunately we lost touch once I settled into a relationship, only contacting each other again on Facebook last year. We planned on meeting up, but then she didn't come online for ages. Then I got the awful news from Emma, that she passed away yesterday. I did cry loads and also contacted as many of our old friends as I could. I know I have never met you, but I wanted to share my memories of your mum, she was a wonderful person and I loved her dearly. A true friend and bloody crazy.
Most of my memories have alcohol in them, me and your mum didn't know any other way of being social, I wish I could go back and tell those girls that alcohol really isn't an answer to our problems, and to cherish every second you have with your friends, the ones you truly love.
I don't know if you are going to read this now or wait till you are older, but please keep it, I want you to make sure you remember that your mum was loved, there are a lot of people who wanted to come to the funeral, but can't due to family and work commitments. But I will be there and will love your mum forever.
If you ever want to know about her teenage years then feel free to contact me on facebook or phone 07...
All my Love
Cheryl
xxxx
Hi Elizabeth,
My name is Cheryl, I was friends with your mum a very long time ago back when we were teenagers. I have 3 young children currently aged 11, 9 and 5 (soon). I live in Doncaster, not too far from where me and your mum used to hang out. I don't remember how we became friends. It was one of those friendships that sort of just happened.
We were both a bit of a misfit with school, we both wore long black, or tie dyed skirts with loads of tassles, black tshirts and our big heavy leather biker jackets and our doc martens, whilst most of the others wore ripped jeans and tracksuit tops. Your mum would have her crazy big hair tied back, I had really badly dyed hair, usually with my scalp or forehead matching my hair dye. We spent many an afternoon just wandering around or listening to music in one of our bedrooms. We loved guns and roses and our friend Daz would make us mix tapes of all our favourite stuff. (tapes in case you don't know were what we had before cd's existed :) ) We had some mutual friends, Azz, Russ, Daz, Frostie, she has maybe mentioned them? they were good lads (most of the time) and we often spent time sat having a laugh with them.
There's so many stories I could tell you, some I probably shouldn't hehehe! There are some that stand out more than others. But every memory I have is one that will stay with me forever, your mum was one of the first true friends I had, she didn't care that I was fat, she didn't care that I didn't know how a friendship should work. She had all the time in the world for me, probably because we were both misfits.
We had gone to a festival with her dad, Glyn and Emma (I think), we were skint and had spent our last few quid on fags (don't ever smoke, its gross and I'm glad I've quit :) ) so we were hanging around the beer tent hoping someone would buy us a drink, but no one would, so we chatted up the bar man, who very kindly would let the pints overflow and was catching it, pouring it into pint glasses and letting us have it. Thinking about it now it was probably really gross, but we managed a couple of pints of cider for free :) at the same festival we were invited to join a small party, we laughed loads that night, we talked loads too, both of us were terrible at choosing decent boyfriends and we would listen to the other moan about men, there were many times where we provided a shoulder to cry on for each other. We ended up with a rather drunk bunch of people, a demijohn of scrumpy cider was passed around for us all to drink, from the same straw! again really quite gross, but fun at the time. We laid under the stars and talked for ages. Then tried sneaking back into the tent, but we were caught, oops !!! we were a little underage to be getting drunk :)
Me and your mum wore black all year round and always had our biker jackets with us, it was a boiling hot summer holidays and we were bored, now bearing in mind this was pre mobile phones and parents only let us make one or two calls if we were lucky. We had called some friends and organised to meet them in the next village, but what we had failed to do was make sure we had bus money, turns out we didn't, but we weren't allowed to make another call, so rather than standing our friends up we decided to walk. We started off in our docmartens and biker jackets, the jackets soon came off, the long skirts were soon rolled up and the tshirts tied in a knot at the front. Then the boots came off, we'd only walked half a mile or so and were sweltering, we fastened the shoelaces and hung the boots around our necks. we managed another half mile or so and stopped to watch some men resurfacing the road, at first this was fun, but then we realised the lovely smooth road we had been walking on was now awful new rough road, we thought about cutting accross the fields, but decided we ran the risk of getting lost, so we stuck to the road. We had to put the boots back on and started to try hitching a ride, which back in 1993 (ish) was a fairly safe thing to do, we walked another mile with no one stopping, then a lovely old guy stopped and offered us a lift, we gladly jumped in the car, but what made us laugh the most was that we were less than a 1 minute drive from the village hahaha! Our flipping friends didn't turn up! So we found a pay phone and reversed the charges on her dad and asked him to come and pick us up.
We spent many a day sat down by the canal watching the ducks and boats, or on the bench at the street junction, hoping to get beeped at by lads, we would listen to music, we would try and sneak out for a crafty fag, usually getting caught, because it was a small village, everyone knew who Naomi was, so would tell her parents if they saw her smoking or drinking :) I remember there being 2 stair cases in her house, one being a spiral metal staircase. Strange the things you remember when looking back. I actually took my kids there a few years ago, to show them where I used to hang out. (I'd be happy to do the same with you if you ever want to.)
Me and Naomi had some huge arguments, and we were as stubborn as each other, but we would always make up quickly. Unfortunately we lost touch once I settled into a relationship, only contacting each other again on Facebook last year. We planned on meeting up, but then she didn't come online for ages. Then I got the awful news from Emma, that she passed away yesterday. I did cry loads and also contacted as many of our old friends as I could. I know I have never met you, but I wanted to share my memories of your mum, she was a wonderful person and I loved her dearly. A true friend and bloody crazy.
Most of my memories have alcohol in them, me and your mum didn't know any other way of being social, I wish I could go back and tell those girls that alcohol really isn't an answer to our problems, and to cherish every second you have with your friends, the ones you truly love.
I don't know if you are going to read this now or wait till you are older, but please keep it, I want you to make sure you remember that your mum was loved, there are a lot of people who wanted to come to the funeral, but can't due to family and work commitments. But I will be there and will love your mum forever.
If you ever want to know about her teenage years then feel free to contact me on facebook or phone 07...
All my Love
Cheryl
xxxx
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