Why I stand up to be counted, when it matters.

From the day I started Home Educating, I realised there was a lot of political history.  A lot of distrust in the Local Authorities and the Government.  I came into Home Ed at the end of the Badman chaos.  I was too new to be involved as it seemed like all had been done by those in the know. It was soon to be announced that the recommendations by Badman had been dropped.

  I have been too busy concentrating on current issues to read much about Badman's ridiculous ideas. But I know he has left a bad taste in peoples mouths.  He has left Home Ed communities segregated, he has and still does cause debates/discussions about who did what and what they should have and shouldn't have said.  None of that matters now, what matters is that we use the past to help the future.

 Most LA's don't act within the law, even the nicest of EHE consultants (education social workers/ EHE advisors/inspectors) ask for visits, try and advise on how to educate etc, this is not their job and should not be doing it. So imagine what some of the worst LA's are like, letters that sound threatening, visits that make you feel bullied into following a curriculum, or a style that you don't like. Families that follow an autonomous style can feel pressured into making their children sit to the table and work. Many families are doorstepped and feel bullied into letting them in.  None of this should be happening, but too many people are scared to say no, let alone enter into a conversation with the EHE about what the law actually states.  LA's twist what the Elective Home Education Guidelines actually say and reword them to match their own ultra vires policies.

I am working with our LA (Doncaster) in an attempt to get rid of their awful threatening letters, attempting to make them be honest about parents choices surrounding 'monitoring'.  It's hard going, but I think it will be worth it, a few of us met with the LA and they agreed for documents and the website to be re written, by us!! so off we went and worked on them, there were some points of contention, where parts were not agreed on, but I think we finally came up with documents that the majority were happy with. I met with our EHE and she liked them, but didn't think they would be agreed by management, time will tell.   Our EHE as nice as she is, still thinks welfare is part of her roll and said that before she came along, if the EHE was told no thanks to visits, then they were automatically referred for a safe and well check from social services. This is awful but all too common, and this is why I want our LA to know they can not behave like this, especially if we ever have a change of staff.

While I thought I could sit back and rest a while (politically) another issue raises it's head.  The Education Committee have called for an enquiry into Support for  Home Education
http://www.parliament.uk/business/committees/committees-a-z/commons-select/education-committee/news/new-inquiry-support-for-home-education/
Now whilst this document does talk about financial support, I think there is a lot of scope for Home Edders to have their grievances heard (sometimes this is again!!!).  Some are worried about the consequances of replying to such an enquiry, worried that it could start a government initiative to redo the current guidelines for the worse.  But in my opinion the LA's don't work to the current guidelines, they already make their own up, which many do not question. Most people are not willing to take their LA to court to get them to behave, so I don't see how having this enquiry and any consequences can make things worse. (I may be wrong)
A lot of people don't like to be involved in the political side of Home Ed, but without people standing up and being counted, the government and LA's would have all sorts of ridiculous measures in place, like compulsory registration and 6 monthly visits. I know some people don't have the energy to be involved heavily,  but a short email does not take up much time.
There are suggestions of working together to send replies in, with collated info, hoping it will have more value than individual responses, but even that discussion involved bickering and personal attacks. The bad taste from Badman has left a lot of people not knowing who to trust.

So for once I have stepped back slightly, I have made sure as many people as I can, know about the enquiry and I will help individuals with their response if they want, I will also send in a response and give my info towards any collaboration that may be organised, but I can not be involved in the collaboration. It is too depressing, watching people that are meant to be on the same side be so nasty to each other.

In an ideal world the powers that be would recognise that Home Ed is not a cover up for abuse, its not always a last resort because of a bad school, for many it is a conscious decision to take responsibility for their own child's education.  For some it is because the school system is failing and for others it is because their child's needs could not be met in school.  We do not need monitoring, or help, we want to be left alone to enjoy being with our children. We don't want to spend weeks stressing about a visit, telling our children to be on best behaviour, we don't want to be worrying that the EHE may report abuse/neglect because our 4 year old is playing in the garden without shoes on, or our 11 year old says he never does any work (when really he is never seen without his head in a book)  we don't want to have to take time away from our children's education by spending a whole afternoon with the EHE. We don't want threatening letters or knocks on our door. We want our legal right to be accepted and be left alone. (well I do anyway).

I believe if we do nothing, the LA's will do more than they should, if we say something we can stop a few of them and hopefully one day they will all fall in line. we are a long way off but I can live in hope and will not give up trying.

The weekend

Why doesn't anyone tell you how knackering kids can be? oh they did! but I didn't believe them. :)


SATURDAY/SUNDAY/MONDAY
Saturday was a lovely day, the kids went out with my ex for the day, to a vintage car show then the park. They all had a lovely time.  I went shopping, dangerous on my own, but as most of my friends have little ones or live miles away it doesn't bother me, I went looking for fabric to recover the fly screen/keep the cat inside screen. I went to numerous shops, buying things I didn't need like cushions :) and pretty boxes, I finally found some fabric and its pink :)
I then spent the evening cuddling Princess as she had bad stomach pains, she woke at 4.40am, and I had to call the ex to sit with the others while I took her to A&E, but she wanted my ex to take her, so off they went at 6am, it wasnt till nearly 9am that they were seen, the doc didnt even examine her properly and fobbed him off saying she had wind.   Ex rang me, I kicked off and sent him back in for a second opinion, took nearly an hour and this doc told him that she couldn't feel anything and to give her peppermint. So what does he do, he buys a her a pack of polos and tells her to eat them all.  Luckily I got to her before she ate them, we all know that would have made her really ill. I sent him home, I was fuming at how stupid he was. Princess was quiet most of the day, highly unusual, she went to sleep late and in pain (even after calpol and ibuprofen , which I only use if I have to.)  She woke at 6 on monday morning, by 8.30 I had an appointment at the GP surgery in town. Off we all went, doc checked her over, including ears and temperature, I was told that as there was no inflammation it was hard to pin point, but she agreed it was not wind!!!  More likely to be a viral infection and too much sun (been a weirdly warm week).  I was to increase her fluids and take her back at the end of the week if she wasn't better.  So far the amount of times shes been in pain have decreased. So I'm hoping she's over the worst.

 Once we were home, my sister arrived with my nieces.  She is moving to Scotland this week and it's easier for her if i have the girls for the week. Now this is only a recent occurrence, as me and my sisters have not got on very well for many years, things escalated horribly 2 years ago, long story short, they both reported me to social services,  I went through 6 months of harassment, and had a social worker sacked for incompetence This sister realised how wrong she had been and has since made lots of effort to put things right.  Which means I get some wonderful time with my nieces :).

I'm not ready to let my babies grow up

OMG!!!! I am so stressed and scared and proud all at the same time. My eldest lad is Einstein he is 11, he has a best friend called C, well C called round earlier and asked if Einstein would like to go to the youth club with him. My initial response was not a chance in hell. But Einstein liked the idea. Now he isn't a very social kid, he likes to play with one or two kids at the most and regularly likes to be on his own. This is cool with him and me. Tonight shocked me as I would never have expected him to want to try youth club. C explained what it is like there and I reminded him that not all kids behave and some smoke etc, he looked at me and said 'I'm not stupid, I know smoking will kill me and alcohol probably would too'. So off he has gone, with credit on his phone, a lift home organised, and some cash in his pocket for sweets. I'm now pretty much pacing the house, waiting for 8.30pm to arrive when my baby gets home.

Now you might be thinking I am an over protective parent, yeah I might be, but Einstein has some issues, as yet undiagnosed, but probably ASD, he also has sensory processing issues. So if the disco is too loud he may cower and cover his ears, if he is on a computer game he can become so engrossed that he doesnt know what is happening around him, he may chew his t-shirt, he is not street wise and gets scared very easily. I worry that he will be an easy target for bullies, which he has not really experienced from other kids, I know his friend is with him but I don't think C would know what to do if something happened. So I've rung the youth centre and spoken to a member of staff there and explained, her words were 'it's a shame none of the other parents of the kids here care this much about their kids' she also promised that all staff would be told to keep an eye on him. But it reminds me of the kind of area we live in, many of the families here are the sort to kick the kids out at 8am on weekends and school holidays and tell the kids to be home for 7,8 or 9pm, C is one of those kids, parents don't care where their children are or what they are doing. This worries me and I don't want my son to caught up in any trouble. Home educating was one way I could protect my kids from bad influences like this, but I want to be able to trust that they will also make the right choices if they were ever in a bad situation. It's a hard call, but as Einstein wanted to go, I have let him go, secretly hoping he doesnt like it and doesnt want to go again. I know the kind of trouble I got up to at youth club, because I was easily led, although I was 15 then. I just hope my parenting choices have been the right ones, and that I have an amazing son that will be ok.

I have never thought about this stage of the kids lives, we've talked about what they think they will be like as adults, but not the pre-teen and teen years. I suppose I really hoped they would always be my little babies.

Home Ed group meet and ex's

Well I was so shattered yesterday I didn't get chance to blog, we had a morning of giving the house a quick clean and a bit of playing outside, the sun has been amazing this week, I'm unfortunately a little burnt. We left the pool filling while we went to home Ed group, it's a new group that another member amazingly found premises for us, there were quite a lot of new faces too. Unfortunately (in my opinion) a lot of home edders in Doncaster keep a low profile because of bad behaviour from previous LA staff. But with a lot of activity on Facebook and yahoo group we've found more people. I'm hoping we can get the word out to the other families that we have a lovely meeting place once a fortnight. I've talked our EHE into sharing my contact info with other families so hopefully I'll be hearing from more soon.

There are currently 130 families including travellers, and I now know about 30. So we've a way to go but it would be great to know that every family was in touch with another local family (even if it's not me).

The kids all played outside for most of the session, and most were reluctant to leave :) even though the boys are probably the oldest they played lovely with the younger kids.

In the evening an old ex of mine (now friends) came over, we ate pizza, watched tv and well the rest is secret lol.

Today we took them to the park and my ex and my boys played football while i pushed cerys on the swings. We had a BBQ for lunch, the rest of the time I hid in the shade and watched the kids in the pool.

My most recent ex normally takes the boys to archery on a Thursday, but they didn't fancy it tonight, so ex is meant to play with them and engage with them, instead he behaved like a toddler and at one stage threw a tantrum :( because I asked him not to leave a wet towel on a chair and put it outside to dry. I've had to have words with him and tell him that if he wants to carry on seeing the kids then he is to take them out or at least behave better. Cos by gods he's wound me up tonight.

Kids are all asleep, I'm gonna vegetate in bed and watch tv. Need to be up for music lessons tomorrow

Ooh blogger iPhone app :) and a fantabulous day out

Ooh I wonder if writing my blog from my phone will work!! The only 2 downsides I can see for this app are 1. I will probably blog way too much and 2. My RSI in my thumbs will get worse

We've spent all day at Yorkshire Wildlife Park, it's 5 minutes down the road (literally!) and we've been amazed at it's transformation from brockholes farm with horses and a few animals to a full on amazing place. We've watched as the lion rescue story unfolded, bringing all those lions from the romanian zoo, some quite ill, all now doing so well. The park now has tigers, zebras, cheetah, monkeys, wallabies, meerkats, goats, flamingoes and so many more animals.

Today was very hot with clear blue skies, so we took it steady and spent time watching each of the groups of animals, they've extended the park since we last went. Unfortunately we couldn't see the tigers as they were hiding out of the sun in the long grass.

The only slight downside were the 11 coach loads of school kids, all except one lot were under 7 years old and all were ignorant little mites, knocking Princess over or barging past me, screaming at the animals and scaring them, I am so grateful that as home edders my kids can take their time and stop to watch or read, they can go back and look at something again. We can stop for a snack or hide in the shade for a while. And not once did I say (yet I heard teachers say it lots) hurry up, stop running, stand still, no you can't etc. So happy to have all the time in the world with my babies. We've come home a little sun burnt (me worse than the kids) and attempted to set the paddling pool up, but with a very slow running hosepipe it only has 4 inches of water, so I'll put it on again first thing and hopefully we'll get some time in the garden tomorrow.
Ps this was actually written on Tuesday but my phone didn't publish it :( another downside to mobile app blogging :(

Why is there always a moral to every story?

 

No heating!

At the weekend my boiler decided not to let the heating work, we have hot water, so I suppose now the days are a touch warmer, we will survive. But as I had home emergency breakdown I thought I may as well claim on it, well it turns out in the small print there is a clause that means in the months May to August they don't cover boiler breakdowns. As you can imagine I am not very happy about this, and will be making a formal complaint as I was not told this when I took the policy out. I have hatched a plan and will soon have heating again :)

MORAL: always read the small print

 

Not open!

So seeing as we have no heating and this house gets chilly downstairs, me and the kids decided to head out for the day.  We decided to go to Brodsworth Hall, we are members of English Heritage, so it was another free day out.  I checked the App for opening hours and off we went (well after a minor hiccup at home with the kids lying about who stole a piece of cake) we arrived and thought it looked rather quiet, well turns out they are shut on Mondays!!!  We checked the English Heritage App for more local places and we decided to try Conisbrough Castle, it was open! 

MORAL: ring the place and don't trust the website, or your own eyesight :)

 

Lovely day out.

We had a great time, reinacting being shot with arrows (both my boys do archery so were spending ages pretending to aim and shoot properly).  We climbed the stairs in the main buiding, theres a lot of stairs and not so great with Cerys and her little legs, but we made it, the kids managed to find the 800 year old toilet first!  Mathew was very brave and even stood a while looking over the barriers, he doesnt like heights (even worse if there's glass as a barrier).  Ben climbed on everything possible as always.  

We always have a look in the shop and all I  hear is 'mum look at this' 'mum can we have this?'  9 times out of 10 it's something educational and I struggle to say no when they do their puppy dog eyes at me, but today they didnt ask for much and as always if its a book we cheekily go on my phone onto ebay and order a cheaper copy there and then :) today I saved £12 by ordering the books on ebay :)

(kids pretending to be wooden pillars on the pad stone)

MORAL: don't stay angry with your kids even when they are little sods :)

Back home.

I was faced with all the housework I should have done yesterday, but was too busy writing all day to do, a rabbit that's kicked food and bedding all over my living room floor and shelves to put up. So I get the drill out and make a start, I snap one drill bit and the other doesn't drill very well, so I've had to text the ex to come and help, he will do them tomorrow when he comes to take Ben to Cubs.

MORAL: be nice to your ex you don't know when you will need his big tool :)

first ever blog post

My first ever blog!!!!

 

Well, today I have read so many amazing blogs,  I am no where near as literate as many, but I do say it as it is! I think this blog is going to end up being a mix of my life, our Home Ed journey, as well as my work with the Local Authorities.

Today has been a quiet day as the kids have been out since 9am with my ex, to a kids museum, EUREKA! they love it there and as I have used my Tesco vouchers and exchanged some of them and done the offer £2.50 to get £12.50 worth of days out vouchers. it cost my ex nothing to take them, apart from fuel.  Princess has come home with her face painted and all 3 kids are hyper from a brill day out. They are currently playing dungeons and dragons while eating tea.

We don't have structured bed times and go with the flow, so tonight the kids will migrate upstairs once they have finished their game and food and maybe they'll watch a film.

I have barely left the laptop all day, working on my autobiography, this has been a work in progress for many years. but today I did lots on it and have sent it to a couple of friends for their opinion on it.  I am really nervous, partly because they are about to find out some really personal things about me that not many know, and partly because the feelings I had through some events have never been shared before with anyone!  I would love to one day have it published, but its a long way off being ready for that.

I have decided to start a blog, for many reasons, one being I'd like a record of my children growing up, I'd like a record of our learning and also for people to be able to read it and think 'thank the gods someone else has experienced that'.