I never expected myself wanting to be living life in the slow lane, choosing a quieter, simpler life is really working out for us. It's nice to be having some quiet family time, time with the fella and Christmas. What an amazing, fabulous time we had. The fella came up for a couple of days and left on Christmas Eve, for a guy that claims to be rubbish at gift buying, he did remarkably well, I loved every single gift, he bought the kids a lovely gift each too and we loved watching him open his huge photo collage of me, my kids and his lovely kids too. Spending time cuddled up watching the kids play, all sat together playing a board game or watching a film was perfect. The smiles were infectious.
Christmas day was manic as is to be expected with 3 very excited children, their grandparents came round and spent a good majority of the day with us, was lovely watching dad joining in on the PS3, not having a clue what he was doing, or hearing him and my princess singing to queen (very badly). Once they left we had some quiet time, reading books, playing games and eating the left over party food. We have still not fully cleared and tidied, the dining table now has various jigsaws, puzzles, paint your own trinket box and airfix cars on it. The decorations are away, apart from our one piece of tinsel that we leave out all year, just cos we can!
Christmas can be a little overwhelming for kids, let alone kids with ASD, but the joy of home ed has meant we can relax and do calming things when anyone has felt manic, our education style relaxed a good month before Christmas and we have been chatting this week about how we want to start the new year, the kids have decided that because we are so busy that we need a schedule of some sort. So today whilst the younger 2 were with grandad, me and Einstein (his new nickname courtesy of his best friends) waited at the car garage (bloody MOT repairs) and came up with a loose plan. It includes a list of subjects/projects we'd like to do, and also a weekly plan, it's very flexible but might be enough to encourage us all to do more together.
Over the holidays we didn't have many days where there weren't extra children in the house, one day there were 5 boys aged 9-13, wow it made the house feel small lol, was lovely watching them kicking a ball about, or playing the ps3, or running around playing spies, all the time making sure my princess was joining in. She often had her friends in to play, they baked or played with the dolls. There were many nerf gun battles and i was the target many times :)
I have more time with the kids now, so we want to use it wisely, I have added more admins to the FB groups, a wide variety of lovely folks, all with different outlooks and different home ed stories, so I am able to step back a little, I have also chosen to hand over some of the larger LA cases I was working on, as Doncaster LA is about to release it's draft policy for consultation and I have a feeling we could be in for a bumpy ride, luckily we have lots of local families wanting to be involved in the process. So with all this time I am reading more, cuddling my babies more, catching up with friends and generally smiling more.
The kids are thriving and happy and its such a difference from 4 years ago. We have some amazing things planned for this year, we can't wait to take the caravan out lots, a trip to London, and they're already making plans for their birthday outings, even the wet weather isn't going to dampen our spirits.
Happy new year to you all, it's wonderful to see so many people interested in reading about our lives. Feel free to leave a comment.
Monday, 7 January 2013
Saturday, 5 January 2013
Clinical Psych's and their obnoxious ways
A couple of months ago we finally got the appointment through to see the Clinical Psychologist, he is part of the Autism diagnostic team. I was hopeful but nervous, as I know Einstein doesn't sit still for long, I expected him to be wandering around the room, looking, reading, touching and then hassling me to hurry up. We arrived early, guy was running late, we waited more than half an hour, he was now bored, we entered the room and the guy demanded that Einstein sit on a specific chair (both chairs were the same (apart from colour) and were next to each other), he took an instant dislike to the chair and asked me if he had to, I was about to say no, when the doc said he had to, so I replied 'no you don't have to sit in that chair if you don't want to' doc scribbled something down. I knew this wasn't a good start.
I made sure he had his book and DS and drink, he then asked the doc how long we were going to be, the doc replied 'we will be done by 1', Einstein responded with 'how long will we be?' the doc looking very angry answered 'we will be done for 1'. He looked confused and looked at me, i checked the time and said it was 12.03. He took a second and replied 'ok, we will be 57 minutes then, that's a long time'. The doc scowled. I already didn't like him.
What pursued was mostly a waste of time, he wanted to know why the boys dad wasn't around, i told him it was none of his business and not something that had any effect on Autism. He then pressed to know the story of my princess's dad, by now I was really pissed off, I again told him it was none of his business. I know parental history can be important, but all this is on Einstein's file from previous appointments, but to ask about a child's absent father, with the child in the room, is not on, what would have happened if Einstein had never thought about his dad, didn't know his name etc?? Not on, not on at all!
Then came the dreaded 'which school does he go to', 'he doesn't', conversation. So it went like this:
'which school does he go to?'
'he doesn't'
'huh?'
'I home educate my chilldren'
'how does that work?'
'they don't go to school and learn at home'
'and what do the authorities think to that'
'nothing cos it's my legal right to educate them'
'how often do they send ofsted?'
'they don't'
'well who checks on you?'
'no-one'
'but who checks they are learning the curriculum'
'they don't learn the curriculum and I am responsible for making sure they learn what they need to'
'but...'
'it is the parents legal responsibility to ensure a child is educated, suitable to their age, ability, aptitude and suited to any special needs they have, the local authority have no duty to intervene'
'oh!'
I love putting twats like that in their place.
The doc kept referring to 'his problem behaviours' the 'things of most concern' I explained that nothing he did was a problem or a concern, he was just different, as is everyone around us, the doc said everything in such a negative way, and for a kid that is already struggling with his differences and still recovering from the hell caused at school and the way other adults and even family have treated him. He was depressed at age 6 because of a school, I wasn't going to let this doc knock his self confidence more. I reiterated that we didn't have problem behaviours, that he was perfect how he was and we weren't looking for therapy to change him, we just want a diagnosis, so he has the answer to what's going on in his head and also to aid with exams and college access. Doc scribbled again.
He asked very little to be honest, so I had to make sure he knew all the traits that I was aware of. Einstein was clearly bored as the doc had not engaged with him, beyond demanding which chair he sat on, then he started to bounce up and down gently on his chair, 'we won't be having any of that in here' the doc barked at him, he looked at me absolutely petrified so I pulled him close and he lay his head on my lap, I rubbed his head. 'Do you let him do that a lot?' he barked at me 'Yes I fucking do when dicks like you scare him' is what i wish i had replied, but instead I said 'yeah when he's overwhelmed or just wants a cuddle'. By now I was getting really pissed off and wondered whether for my son's sanity we should leave or not. We stayed and it got worse, Einstein sat back up and put his hand inside the waist band of his jeans, the doc shouted at him ' young man we won't be doing that in here'. I nearly cried, but knew we must be nearly done cos i had said everything I had wanted to. (yet we'd only been there 30 minutes). The doc said we were done and as we got up he noticed what the book was and asked my son if he liked chess, he looked at me as if to say, 'would I be carrying a book about chess around with me if I didn't like it?' He didn't reply to the doc. 'well can mum pick out the grammatical error on the front page, she's home schooling you so she should know' WTF???? I was ready to swing for him (plus i couldn't see an error) 'I responded that we had more fun things to learn about than being pedantic about grammatical errors'
The doc asked again about the school situation, I reminded him that it had been 3 years since he was in a school, but the doc was insistent on contacting the school. I told him I didn't see any point.
I can't remember how, but the doc started asking about idioms, Einstein said 'of course I know what one is' so the doc asked if Einstein knew what this idiom meant (I can't remember which example he used) 'no I don't cos they are stupid' (I really thought he was gonna add 'and so are you'). The doc said to me 'he hasn't engaged much at all, I expected him to talk to me more' I really wanted to say, 'be nice and he might' but i just said 'well he engages when he chooses to'. As we walked back to the car, he replayed the whole meeting, telling me bits I'd forgotten to say, the bits the doc had got wrong and it was clear (as i told the doc) that he had been listening and absorbing every word that was said.
When we got home I spoke to a couple of people and decided this guy was acting like he'd never met a kid on the spectrum before, he was out of line, so I rang the matron on the department and spoke to her, she agreed that he had not acted appropriately and would have a word with him, also that I could make an official complaint if I wished to. I made sure that she knew that under no circumstances was the doc to contact his old school.
That was the last we heard till last week, more than 2 months after the appointment, we get his report. Oh where to start?
His name is wrong more times than it is right!
It says I Home School, AGGGHHHHH!!! I Home Educate, there's no schooling involved.
It states that he has Occupational Therapy, that's wrong as it stopped years ago.
It says Einstein didn't track the conversation, erm yeah he did mate!
There are minor errors all over the place.
And, right at the end, this report is copied to SALT (speech and language therapy) and SCHOOL!!!! he has sent a copy of this report to his old school.
On a plus the report does say that he shows signs of being on the Autistic Spectrum and a referral to SALT for further assessment is made.
So from here?? I will be writing back demanding amendments be made to the report, I will be demanding an apology from the doc for the school being notified, I am now considering a formal complaint against him, his attitude was awful, but as he is the only Clinical Psych in the area, I know i have to tread carefully, cos we are likely to have to see him again, to get the diagnosis, but my baby has said he is not going back if he has to see him again, and I will respect that decision.
I made sure he had his book and DS and drink, he then asked the doc how long we were going to be, the doc replied 'we will be done by 1', Einstein responded with 'how long will we be?' the doc looking very angry answered 'we will be done for 1'. He looked confused and looked at me, i checked the time and said it was 12.03. He took a second and replied 'ok, we will be 57 minutes then, that's a long time'. The doc scowled. I already didn't like him.
What pursued was mostly a waste of time, he wanted to know why the boys dad wasn't around, i told him it was none of his business and not something that had any effect on Autism. He then pressed to know the story of my princess's dad, by now I was really pissed off, I again told him it was none of his business. I know parental history can be important, but all this is on Einstein's file from previous appointments, but to ask about a child's absent father, with the child in the room, is not on, what would have happened if Einstein had never thought about his dad, didn't know his name etc?? Not on, not on at all!
Then came the dreaded 'which school does he go to', 'he doesn't', conversation. So it went like this:
'which school does he go to?'
'he doesn't'
'huh?'
'I home educate my chilldren'
'how does that work?'
'they don't go to school and learn at home'
'and what do the authorities think to that'
'nothing cos it's my legal right to educate them'
'how often do they send ofsted?'
'they don't'
'well who checks on you?'
'no-one'
'but who checks they are learning the curriculum'
'they don't learn the curriculum and I am responsible for making sure they learn what they need to'
'but...'
'it is the parents legal responsibility to ensure a child is educated, suitable to their age, ability, aptitude and suited to any special needs they have, the local authority have no duty to intervene'
'oh!'
I love putting twats like that in their place.
The doc kept referring to 'his problem behaviours' the 'things of most concern' I explained that nothing he did was a problem or a concern, he was just different, as is everyone around us, the doc said everything in such a negative way, and for a kid that is already struggling with his differences and still recovering from the hell caused at school and the way other adults and even family have treated him. He was depressed at age 6 because of a school, I wasn't going to let this doc knock his self confidence more. I reiterated that we didn't have problem behaviours, that he was perfect how he was and we weren't looking for therapy to change him, we just want a diagnosis, so he has the answer to what's going on in his head and also to aid with exams and college access. Doc scribbled again.
He asked very little to be honest, so I had to make sure he knew all the traits that I was aware of. Einstein was clearly bored as the doc had not engaged with him, beyond demanding which chair he sat on, then he started to bounce up and down gently on his chair, 'we won't be having any of that in here' the doc barked at him, he looked at me absolutely petrified so I pulled him close and he lay his head on my lap, I rubbed his head. 'Do you let him do that a lot?' he barked at me 'Yes I fucking do when dicks like you scare him' is what i wish i had replied, but instead I said 'yeah when he's overwhelmed or just wants a cuddle'. By now I was getting really pissed off and wondered whether for my son's sanity we should leave or not. We stayed and it got worse, Einstein sat back up and put his hand inside the waist band of his jeans, the doc shouted at him ' young man we won't be doing that in here'. I nearly cried, but knew we must be nearly done cos i had said everything I had wanted to. (yet we'd only been there 30 minutes). The doc said we were done and as we got up he noticed what the book was and asked my son if he liked chess, he looked at me as if to say, 'would I be carrying a book about chess around with me if I didn't like it?' He didn't reply to the doc. 'well can mum pick out the grammatical error on the front page, she's home schooling you so she should know' WTF???? I was ready to swing for him (plus i couldn't see an error) 'I responded that we had more fun things to learn about than being pedantic about grammatical errors'
The doc asked again about the school situation, I reminded him that it had been 3 years since he was in a school, but the doc was insistent on contacting the school. I told him I didn't see any point.
I can't remember how, but the doc started asking about idioms, Einstein said 'of course I know what one is' so the doc asked if Einstein knew what this idiom meant (I can't remember which example he used) 'no I don't cos they are stupid' (I really thought he was gonna add 'and so are you'). The doc said to me 'he hasn't engaged much at all, I expected him to talk to me more' I really wanted to say, 'be nice and he might' but i just said 'well he engages when he chooses to'. As we walked back to the car, he replayed the whole meeting, telling me bits I'd forgotten to say, the bits the doc had got wrong and it was clear (as i told the doc) that he had been listening and absorbing every word that was said.
When we got home I spoke to a couple of people and decided this guy was acting like he'd never met a kid on the spectrum before, he was out of line, so I rang the matron on the department and spoke to her, she agreed that he had not acted appropriately and would have a word with him, also that I could make an official complaint if I wished to. I made sure that she knew that under no circumstances was the doc to contact his old school.
That was the last we heard till last week, more than 2 months after the appointment, we get his report. Oh where to start?
His name is wrong more times than it is right!
It says I Home School, AGGGHHHHH!!! I Home Educate, there's no schooling involved.
It states that he has Occupational Therapy, that's wrong as it stopped years ago.
It says Einstein didn't track the conversation, erm yeah he did mate!
There are minor errors all over the place.
And, right at the end, this report is copied to SALT (speech and language therapy) and SCHOOL!!!! he has sent a copy of this report to his old school.
On a plus the report does say that he shows signs of being on the Autistic Spectrum and a referral to SALT for further assessment is made.
So from here?? I will be writing back demanding amendments be made to the report, I will be demanding an apology from the doc for the school being notified, I am now considering a formal complaint against him, his attitude was awful, but as he is the only Clinical Psych in the area, I know i have to tread carefully, cos we are likely to have to see him again, to get the diagnosis, but my baby has said he is not going back if he has to see him again, and I will respect that decision.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)