A week in the life of an ordinary home ed family (ok so not an ordinary family)

It's been one heck of a week, on Friday I had a friend come to stay, he's a really lovely bloke and it was nice to just sit and relax, we ate pizza with the kids and watched a film. Saturday was a lazy morning, the afternoon was busy though, housework and kids friends in and out all afternoon.  We had a huge drama on Sunday morning, our lives changed forever. At the time it was quite scary and at first I thought life had changed for the worst, but as the days have gone by I realise it was one of those events that needed to happen for us to move onto the next phase of our lives. The kids are coping really well and seem quite relieved (I do feel a bit stupid for not seeing the damage that was being done. But it's over now) So onwards we went.

We had to change our original plans for Sunday, so I took the kids to B&Q to let my Princess pick paint to decorate her bedroom, pink obviously :) so we headed home and the kids helped move the furniture, get the paintbrushes out and she even helped with the painting for a while.  The boys brought me drinks and a sandwich so I didn't have to break off, I painted a huge rainbow on one wall. It looks amazing!  As I was tidying up, the boys told me Princess was asleep on the sofa, I knew she must be ill cos she doesn't sleep in the day, they brought her upstairs and she was burning up, she climbed into bed and was soon being sick.  She fell asleep looking so tiny, I hate it when they are ill.  I knew this was the first challenge to overcome and we did, the boys were amazing, whilst I sat with her stroking her hair they cooked tea, now it was only food out the freezer but they were brilliant, they worked together and whilst it was cooking they tidied up and fed the animals. After they had served tea and eaten it they made sure the kitchen was tidy. Then went to bed and watched a film.  Princess was settled and hadn't been sick again so I fell asleep, waking up cold in her room I headed to my bed.

She woke up a little lethargic but hungry and she ate like a pig all day, by Monday evening she was back to normal and bouncing around.  We did some work, mostly discussions and Google searches about Venus Fly trap plants, as we had bought one the day before.  Princess wasn't up to doing much so mostly watched YouTube music videos.  Because she has some sort of dairy intolerance/reflux I worried that because she'd had a bug she may still be sick again, I was exhausted from all the decorating and not sleeping well the night before. Whilst I had a bath I knew StuntMan was playing with her, what I didn't realise till I went through into her room was that he had set himself a bed up on her floor, so that he could look after her if she was sick again. I was so proud of him.  Einstein had made sure everything was tidy and even washed some pots up (dishwasher is on the blink) he hates washing pots because of his sensory issues, but he did some. 

Everyone slept through the night :)  Tuesday was a busy day, we had music lessons here, the music teacher is absolutely amazing with them, she is happy for them to learn what ever piece they want, she doesn't mind if Einstein plays the keyboard sat with his knees touching his chin, or if StuntMan wants to learn Kid Rock instead of Oasis on the guitar, or if Princess wants to make up her own random piece.  I was telling her how I was having to take my key back into work (a volunteer position at a homeless centre)  because I no longer had child care in an evening, she has offered to help me out which is lovely, so maybe we can come to some arrangement and I may be able to start working there again.  After music lessons we drove to my work to take my key in and official quit :( I said goodbye to some of the residents, who all said they were sad that I wouldn't be back, it was lovely to hear them saying positive stuff about me and the sessions I ran. 

Then we headed off to the park to meet 2 other families, we had a lovely time, although for some reason StuntMan had it in his head that it was ok to ride his scooter inside the park whilst little ones were playing, so I had to tell him off a couple of times.  We headed onto the field and set up a game of cricket, boys and girls and mums, ages 3 to well I'll not include the mums ages, so 11 was the oldest kid, we had a lovely game, where there were very few rules except to have fun, the older ones encouraged the little ones which was lovely to see. We had such a good time.  Everyone found my inability to catch hilarious especially as I was bowler most of the time and was often seen dropping the ball, but it added to the fact that it was for fun. We then headed to the shops to buy supplies for the following days home ed group, Halloween themed arty stuff, paper, paint, stickers, etc. then home tea and an early night for all. 

Wednesday morning started like many, I logged online to find a family fairly local to us being harassed by the LA, so a phone call and a letter drafted for them, as I was drawing that to a close I had an email asking for support, so another letter was quickly drafted.  I then had to make a phone call to an EWO who thought doorstepping 3 times in one week was acceptable, to a family who have willingly chosen to home educate and have already put in writing that they are willing to engage with the EHE in writing.  Then I had a quick discussion with some fellow home edders about a family that we are trying to help and get rid of ridiculous social service involvement. I did all this before I was even out of bed, as I went to get out of bed, I put my weight onto one foot and realised my leg had gone dead and I fell over, hurting my other leg, so I spent the day limping.  Whilst I was working away, the boys were researching Napoleon, Einstein reading books, StuntMan googling, Princess decided she wanted to do a maths workbook instead. 

After a quick lunch and a mad 'quick print these sheets off for group' half hour, we headed to group. I cut out Halloween themed paper things, set out paint and pencils and paper, the kids had a brilliant time (I completely forgot to take photos). The older kids went off and built chair and table dens in the smaller rooms, then roamed around, did a bit of painting and the odd word search. The younger ones created some lovely artwork.  I chatted to some of the families, advised on one over zealous LA, was asked to support another family with some serious issues (obviously I can't share what) but it's gonna be a lot of work, but well worth it for such a lovely family. I came up with the idea for the next meeting (as some don't do Halloween) it's going to be a fancy dress party with buns etc and some games and making firework decorations.  We packed away and headed to Asda, bought way too many things we didn't need, such as Lego, a pretty top and boots ::) oh and Pizza for tea. Pizza cooked, laptop on and sit, and I didn't move till bedtime :) The kids played together for a while then read, then slept.

Today we are having a TV morning and playing games, then off to a birthday party and depending on what time we are home Princess has gymnastics later. 

Friday we are meant to be meeting one of the kids friends and mum, I might organise it to be here then we can sit and eat cake and drink tea whilst the kids play.  

Whilst I only mentioned my friend at the very beginning  I would like to add now, that throughout this stressful busy week, he has been at the end of the phone, FB or text anytime I have wanted a chat or cry (like Sunday morning), he is turning out to be a very influential part of my life, he actually cares that I get some rest, that I don't overdo it, he's also rather useful at making me feel absolutely bloody amazing. I would also like to mention that without some very good friends, I would not be able to work as hard as I do for families, I have the friend I can moan to, the friend that brightens dull moments, the friend that knows so much it's scary, the friend that taught me how to kick LA ass, and the friend that well it's her fault I know such a lovely man :)  Life might be crazy but I'll let you into a secret, I think things, whilst always being crazy, are about to get a whole lot better. 

The dating game the sequel

So as some of you may know, I stopped using dating sites a while ago, because there were developments in my love life. An online friend and I decided we really liked each other and started talking about getting together, now she lived a long way away, but I hoped this wouldn't become an issue, the more serious we got with our chats the more we fell for each other without even having met. We agreed we wouldn't see anyone else and classed ourselves as a couple, I was excited at the prospect of being with such a wonderful girl and we made plans to meet up, but things quickly went tits up when communication became an issue, I won't go into details but it ended before it had begun. Yes I was upset initially, angry even, but I soon realised she clearly wasn't any good for me. We no longer talk, but from what I can tell, I had a lucky escape, I have enough of my own baggage without bringing someone into my life that clearly has not dealt with her own stuff. I wish her well obviously but boy I'm so glad things didn't progress.

I decided fairly quickly that I was not going to let this little mishap put me off looking for mr or miss perfect, although after the stalker earlier in the year and now this situation, my thoughts towards a relationship with a woman have changed, for now I want a man, they are easier to suss :) So I signed back up to dating websites, I don't know what was different this time, but I have been inundated with men wanted to talk to me.  From all walks of life this time too.

There's still the 18-24 year olds that think they can handle a woman like me, oh how I would love to scare the crap out of them and show them a thing or two, but it'd probably put them off women for life lol.
Then there are the 25-32 year olds, they are living the single life, having seperated from a 3 year relationship, they live in a small flat, and spend all their wages on booze, going round the pubs that they have frequented for the last 10+years, with the same lads and they wonder why the longest relationship is 3 years!
The 32-40 year olds have split from their wife and see the kids every other weekend, they have jobs they hate and want a bit of fun, but when they realise that all the women interested in them are the same as their wives they suddenly just want sex and try it on big style.
The 40-52 year olds are turning out to be the most interesting to chat to, they have changed careers, kids are grown up and they know some interesting stuff, but they don't want to start again with a young family like mine.

So finding a decent date is a little tedious, ploughing through all the 'hi how r u ?' messages, the badly written profiles that actually are so badly written that they make no sense, and the foreigners, omg I won't get started on them, but come on really when you send me a message that says;

            i know i mite be upseting u by messaging you here people like me dont have any chance to be a friend                   to someone like u i do apologise if this message upset u

or

hi babe, its me krish from sheffield, u looking so good and ur profile sounding good. plz reply me if u interest in me

do you really think I am gonna reply? erm let me think about that for a moment.... NO! i'm not.

So after weeding my way through, and I really don't want to sound cocky, but I'm talking a lot of messages each day, I finally get talking to someone, he seems nice, but then you realise he lives 40 miles away and doesn't drive.  Or another guy comes along, really chatty and interesting, you talk for a few days then he suddenly tells you that he's actually 58 and his photo was 15 years ago.  There are of course those that are married, but they often attempt sex chat within a couple of minutes, the best antidote for them is to tell them about your day with the kids and that they are sat at the side of you as you are talking ;) really puts them off and they never message again.

So this last month or so I've chatted to some lovely people and had some lovely dates, although I did have a busy day a couple of weeks ago, I had 2 dates in one day within metres of each other lol, the first was an older guy, bit of a rocker, really interesting, he didn't work other than doing gigs, but he looked after the grandkids! we got on really well, and he was lovely and text quite a few times but think he realised he didn't want the lifestyle I could offer.

The second date, omg, I couldn't get out of there fast enough, he looked nothing like his photo, he behaved nothing like he sounded online. He was a bit of a geek and I think I would have overpowered him on so  many levels, I made my excuses to leave, but he insisted on walking me back to the car, he tried to kiss me twice! yuk! I jumped in the car before he could try again, he later text saying they were amazing kisses, ugghhhh I don't think so mate, your lips barely touched mine before I moved away. I politely told him i wasn't interested, but he replied saying he thought I was perfect. Hmm really ? well yeah i am, but not for you lol :)

I got talking to a guy one morning, and he was amazing, he works in the job I eventually want to be doing, he's got a history that makes him interesting and he is cute. We swapped numbers and text during the day, I went to work as normal in the evening and ten minutes into the session he text me saying hi. Luckily it transpired that the session I was doing was only gonna be an hour cos the lads wanted to watch the football, so I text the guy saying that it was a shame I didn't know him well enough to call round for a cuppa, he agreed and said especially as he lived behind where I was working. Well that was it, I said sod it I'm on my way, so I text my mate with the address so she knew where I was (just in case), I was there in 5 minutes, he was outside waiting. Cuter in real life, we sat and chatted for an hour, albeit he did most of the talking. It was lovely, I managed to blag another hour out of the house (told ex i was working late lol), I really didn't want to leave but after another hour I had to, so he walked me to my car and we chatted a little longer, he looked at my lips a couple of times and I thought he was gonna kiss me, but no :(  We've text loads and will maybe meet up again, but i'm not sure it'll go beyond friendship as we have a different outlook on life.

There's always the ones that appear from no-where, the ones that you least expect and I have a feeling that someone is about to be that someone, but I'm not gonna say anymore :)

I'm so happy with how my life is at the mo and i'm having so much fun dating even when I'm clearly way too good for them all LOL :)

Dyson's and music

It's been one of those lovely home ed days, Princess woke up about 8 and watched a dvd in her room, me and the boys woke about 9, well Einstein was nearer to 10am.  I pottered about in my room while the kids got their breakfast and fed the animals.  I've been keeping an eye on the news all day hoping and wishing for news of April Jones, the little 5 year old that has been abducted in Wales, but still no good news, it's so sad and it makes me more grateful to have my babies safe with me.    The kids came running upstairs with the Graze box that had just been delivered. Twice a week we climb into my bed and devour the contents, trying new seeds, or rice crackers, we love the flapjacks.

The kids swapped some washing over and emptied the dishwasher while I cleaned up after our old cat, poor thing is getting worse and most nights doesn't make it to the litter tray in time.  We then decided to explore the huge box that had been delivered on Monday, we'd been sent a Dyson, especially for schools/home edders, it contained a Dyson, lots of cleaner heads and screwdrivers and an instruction manual. Princess wasn't too interested so set herself up on the chaise with the laptop and went on youtube, she's obsessed with Bruno Mars's Lazy Song and is always looking for new versions, then she put Horrid Henry on. Me and the boys spent a couple of hours taking the Dyson apart, discussing why it was designed the way it was, how it worked and how other things are designed. I haven't seen StuntMan this interested in something for a while, they worked together too, was lovely to watch.

We had a lazy late lunch sat on the sofa watching Big Bang Theory, we love this programme, I know it has some adult content, but it has triggered some really interesting questions from the kids, as well as showing to them that sex isn't a taboo subject with me, today's episode was one of Einstein's favourites, the one with the cricket, he was in stitches laughing. StuntMan decided to go off and start building a den in his bedroom, the others eventually followed. There was a little bit of bickering and I've had to step in a couple of times and seperate them. But they then put some music on and danced and played upstairs for a couple of hours. I sat with my music on downstairs, and worked on my book. I think I have most of it done now, just a few bits to add and then I need someone to go through it and alter any layout and grammar problems with it. I'm quite excited that very soon I shall be looking at getting it published!  So for those of you that enjoy my blog or know me in real life, I think you will enjoy the book, it's my biography and I promise it's a good read (well I've got to say that cos I wrote it lol)

The evening has gone tits up, cos we had home made pizza for lunch, no one was ready for tea at tea time, so instead the kids have been drawing, but the bickering started, and StuntMan was nasty to Einstein (I missed what was said) but it resorted in Einstein screwing up his drawing. It's so sad when he does that, he has so little self worth and even when he's done something good he can soon be screwing it up and being upset that it was no good. So I've sent the boys to their room for a while to calm down. I'll feed them a snack and we'll all head upstairs. I'm dying my hair tonight, no idea what colour yet :) maybe a rainbow again :)

I'll get by with a little help from my friends

I took my blog offline for a while for many reasons that I won't go into. But I have missed writing it, I have missed being able to share my life, I've missed being able to get stuff written down, it's like my therapy I suppose, I've never needed anyone to hold my hand, or tell me what to do, I suppose I just need someone to talk to. Unfortunately my friends that lived locally did a vanishing act when my daughter's sperm donor did  a runner with my best friend and I never rebuilt those kinds of friendships, what I have got it so much better.  Friends that I may not see very often, sometimes once a year, sometimes twice a month, but they all have one thing in common, they are amazing! I love them dearly and I know that I have a small group of people that I can truly call a friend. They have shown me this, this last couple of weeks.

Since having my gall bladder removed two years ago, I have suffered with pains in my side, it doesn't happen everyday and usually only when I sit to the dining table so I sort of kept forgetting about it, I finally got round to going to the docs a few months ago, she reckoned it was scar tissue and sent me for an ultrasound scan.  The scan showed that yes it was scar tissue but it also showed that there was a lump in there, a 13mm lump! The scan technician didn't know what it was attached to or what it was. So sent me back to the GP.  GP said I needed a CT scan, but that the consultant would have to refer me. Finally 4 weeks later I went to see the consultant and have a blood test. He referred me for the CT scan, he told me he didn't think the lump was anything to worry about but that he wasn't sure.

A week and a bit later I went for the CT scan (last night) it wasn't pleasant, I was expected to drink a litre of this awful liquid in half an hour!  I sat chatting to a lady (must have been in her 70's, we talked about home education, vaccines and the dangers (she was a nurse years ago) then she asked why I was there, I told her why. She asked if I had any support, I told her my kids were all the support I needed along with a couple of good friends.  After 300 ml of the liquid I thought I was going to be sick, I may be a big girl but my stomach capacity is low. I mentioned this to the receptionist who came back and asked if I try to drink another 100ml, I managed to in little sips. Then I was called in, I had to undress and put on a hospital gown but of course they aren't designed for a size 22, so I had to put a second one on, like a cardigan, to cover my arse lol.

I laid on the scan table, the woman was lovely, although she couldn't find a vein (for the injection) so called her colleague, he managed to find a vein, but bloody hell that one hurt. I had to lay with my arm up at the side of my head. Then the scan started, I tried my best to relax and think happy thoughts, then the woman pumped some stuff into my arm. It made all my blood feel warm and weird and although it only lasted a couple of minutes at the most it was an experience I would rather I didn't have to experience again.  So once it was over I asked if they saw anything, unfortunately they weren't able to tell me anything. I left and had a fag on the way back to the car, I climbed in and cried, I cried for ages, I was scared, really really scared, what happens if this is something to be worried about? All my worst nightmares flashed through my brain, what happens if it's cancer? what happens if I die? who will have the kids, who will carry on loving them like I do?

I spoke to the consultant's secretary today and the results weren't back,  I have to ring tomorrow. I have spent the day trying to keep busy, chatting to friends, playing with the kids, watching the kids have their music lessons and having lots of cuddles.

One thing I have realised though, is that sometimes I do need to rely on my friends to keep me going, and they have managed that this week, so many people have sent texts or fb messages and I appreciate every word, then there have been a small group of friends that have messaged everyday, or rung, they have known without me having to say much that I am stressing, that I am worried sick, they've all told me that I should try not to worry, that everything will be ok. I have taken every word in and every word has been a great comfort to me.  I've also been told to be kind to myself, so I have, I've tried not to take on much, I even cancelled going into work, so I could crash at home with my babies, then crash out and eat chinese food (courtesy of the ex, he has been brill this week)  while watching tv.  Now I have no idea if there is anything to worry about, or if there will be any further tests or anything else, but what I do know is that with the support of the most amazing friends ever I can get through this.  These friends have a lot going on in their lives but have made a point of checking in on me each day and I want to say thank you, you are all amazing.

So Home Educated kids don't have friends?

I am pig sick of people assuming because I home educate, it means my children are isolated. I bloody wish it was true sometimes, to be honest I wish I had installed revolving doors instead of a front door.

In the first school my boys went to, they had few friends, the couple that Einstein did have didn't play outside of school (apart from one and he was allowed to wander the streets aged 4, so I think that coming here was a comfort thing in the early days), the friends he did have weren't loyal, soon dumping him for a cooler group, one lad claiming to be his best friend actually slashed his cheek at a lunch break with his finger nails for trying to cuddle him. They were 6 years old !
He was depressed and constantly crying, he was being bullied by teachers and the head mistress, all refusing to acknowledge that he had SEN and they ignored the recommendations of the Ed Psych, these recommendations included letting him first or last in queues, to avoid him being overwhelmed as well as reminding him that he didn't need to be boss or win, his social skills were poor but with support he would enjoy playing with others. StuntMan  was only tiny and in nursery, so didn't really have 'friends' but he played alongside others nicely.

I tried a new school for the boys, they made friends and were invited to parties and for tea,  they would also come over to us.  The 4 year old stray child was now older and spending a lot of time here through choice, he understood Einstein's quirks.  But in school things were going down hill again, StuntMan wouldn't talk, when he joined in with games in the playground he was often pushed aside, Einstein was starting to have problems with staff again so I decided to home educate.

Now this is when you realise how bad school is for teaching children how to maintain a true friendship.  Einstein left only wanting to see a couple of the kids again, StuntMan was pretty happy just to see one.  No sooner had we started home educating we were involved with local families and would visit at least one family a week (or they would come to us) we were going on Home Ed outings with lots of other families, this soon extended to Home Ed play meets, where there are lots of children. The boys were old enough to play out on the street and were making friends with lots of children. Princess was now friends with the girls next door and next door but one.  If there is ever an argument or an issue with home ed kids the parents help them resolve the issues. There is little if any bullying, the kids play with a mixture of ages and sexes. There's rarely a limit to how long they can play together.  The friendships last longer and don't seem to break up over little things, there's always an adult on hand to help discuss any issues and help the kids figure things out.   Princess has never witnessed playground politics and when I see it creeping in through the other kids I try to explain that they are all friends and that it doesn't matter if one likes Justin Bieber and the others don't. 

The kids are now old enough to ring/text/facebook their friends to arrange get togethers and every day there are numerous knocks at the door.  Some days I have to say no to anyone coming in, because it is so busy, I rarely get time with just my kids.  They are all part of a club (or more than one) like cubs, rainbows, gymnastics or archery. They are friends with each other and friends of all ages. When we are out and about they will talk to people, I have taught them that it is ok to talk to strangers when they are with me, they often tell a shop assistant something about themselves or about home ed.  They are comfortable talking with anyone and even have the confidence to ask for things in a shop if they can't find them. This is the boys that when they left school didn't speak to anyone other than close family and friends, they wouldn't have had the courage to approach a kid on the park and ask to kick a ball about with them.

Home Education doesn't mean sitting in the house 9-3 five days a week, we visit museums and other wonderful places, often stopping to talk to guides/staff.   There aren't many days that we stay in all day and when we do it's to recover from being out and about so much. So if you started reading this with the image of children sat in silence to the dining table working all day, remove that image and fill it with one of 3 very happy children that have no issues playing with a 1 year old or a teenager, talking to their best mate or an old guy, having a quiet day at home or one filled with 20 other kids of all ages playing wonderful games together.

A letter of memory

28th July 2012


Hi Elizabeth,

My name is Cheryl, I was friends with your mum a very long time ago back when we were teenagers. I have 3 young children currently aged 11, 9 and 5 (soon).  I live in Doncaster, not too far from where me and your mum used to hang out.  I don't remember how we became friends. It was one of those friendships that sort of just happened.
We were both a bit of a misfit with school, we both wore long black, or tie dyed skirts with loads of tassles, black tshirts and our big heavy leather biker jackets and our doc martens, whilst most of the others wore ripped jeans and tracksuit tops.  Your mum would have her crazy big hair tied back, I had really badly dyed hair, usually with my scalp or forehead matching my hair dye.   We spent many an afternoon just wandering around or listening to music in one of our bedrooms.  We loved guns and roses and our friend Daz would make us mix tapes of all our favourite stuff.  (tapes in case you don't know were what we had before cd's existed :) )    We had some mutual friends, Azz, Russ, Daz, Frostie, she has maybe mentioned them? they were good lads (most of the time) and we often spent time sat having a laugh with them.
There's so many stories I could tell you, some I probably shouldn't hehehe!   There are some that stand out more than others. But every memory I have is one that will stay with me forever, your mum was one of the first true friends I had, she didn't care that I was fat, she didn't care that I didn't know how a friendship should work.  She had all the time in the world for me, probably because we were both misfits.

 We had gone to a festival with her dad, Glyn and Emma (I think), we were skint and had spent our last few quid on fags (don't ever smoke, its gross and I'm glad I've quit :)  )    so we were hanging around the beer tent hoping someone would buy us a drink, but no one would, so we chatted up the bar man, who very kindly would let the pints overflow and was catching it,  pouring it into pint glasses and letting us have it. Thinking about it now it was probably really gross, but we managed a couple of pints of cider for free :) at the same festival we were invited to join a small party, we laughed loads that night, we talked loads too, both of us were terrible at choosing decent boyfriends and we would listen to the other moan about men, there were many times where we provided a shoulder to cry on for each other.   We ended up with a rather drunk bunch of people, a demijohn of scrumpy cider was passed around for us all to drink, from the same straw! again really quite gross, but fun at the time.  We laid under the stars and talked for ages. Then tried sneaking back into the tent, but we were caught, oops !!! we were a little underage to be getting drunk :)

Me and your mum wore black all year round and always had our biker jackets with us, it was a boiling hot summer holidays and we were bored, now bearing in mind this was pre mobile phones and parents only let us make one or two calls if we were lucky. We had called some friends and organised to meet them in the next village, but what we had failed to do was make sure we had bus money, turns out we didn't, but we weren't allowed to make another call, so rather than standing our friends up we decided to walk.  We started off in our docmartens and biker jackets, the jackets soon came off, the long skirts were soon rolled up and the tshirts tied in a knot at the front.  Then the boots came off, we'd only walked half a mile or so and were sweltering, we fastened the shoelaces and hung the boots around our necks. we managed another half mile or so and stopped to watch some men resurfacing the road, at first this was fun, but then we realised the lovely smooth road we had been walking on was now awful new rough road, we thought about cutting accross the fields, but decided we ran the risk of getting lost, so we stuck to the road. We had to put the boots back on and started to try hitching a ride, which back in 1993 (ish) was a fairly safe thing to do, we walked another mile with no one stopping, then a lovely old guy stopped and offered us a lift, we gladly jumped in the car, but what made us laugh the most was that we were less than a 1 minute drive from the village  hahaha!  Our flipping friends didn't turn up! So we found a pay phone and reversed the charges on her dad and asked him to come and pick us up.

We spent many a day sat down by the canal watching the ducks and boats, or on the bench at the street junction, hoping to get beeped at by lads, we would listen to music, we would try and sneak out for a crafty fag, usually getting caught, because it was a small village, everyone knew who Naomi was, so would tell her parents if they saw her smoking or drinking :)   I remember there being 2 stair cases in her house, one being a spiral metal staircase. Strange the things you remember when looking back.  I actually took my kids there a few years ago, to show them where I used to hang out. (I'd be happy to do the same with you if you ever want to.)

Me and Naomi had some huge arguments, and we were as stubborn as each other, but we would always make up quickly. Unfortunately we lost touch once I settled into a relationship, only contacting each other again on Facebook last year.  We planned on meeting up, but then she didn't come online for ages. Then I got the awful news from Emma, that she passed away yesterday.  I did cry loads and also contacted as many of our old friends as I could.  I know I have never met you, but I wanted to share my memories of your mum, she was a wonderful person and I loved her dearly.  A true friend and bloody crazy.

Most of my memories have alcohol in them, me and your mum didn't know any other way of being social, I wish I could go back and tell those girls that alcohol really isn't an answer to our problems, and to cherish every second you have with your friends, the ones you truly love.

I don't know if you are going to read this now or wait till you are older, but please keep it, I want you to make sure you remember that your mum was loved, there are a lot of people who wanted to come to the funeral, but can't due to family and work commitments.  But I will be there and will love your mum forever.

If you ever want to know about her teenage years then feel free to contact me on facebook or phone 07...

All my Love

Cheryl
xxxx

Why I recommend people tell the LA to sod off.

I sent a lovely deregistration letter into the school,  saying how pleased I had been with certain teachers.  I didn't slag the school off even though some teachers had made life difficult for Einstein, because they refused to acknowledge his needs and differences.  I was hoping to leave things on a positive, even though things had been awful for my son.  I didn't get a response, instead I was ignored. This took me by surprise but I wasn't too bothered by it.

Unfortunately I caught a sickness bug not long after deregistering them, I stupidly answered the phone, in between bouts of throwing up, the woman waffled out her name so fast and didn't explain who she was, all I know is that she was something to do with home education and wanted to come and see us, I asked that she call me back another day because I was ill. She agreed, eventually, after trying to push me for a date, I threw up and hung up the phone.

I didn't hear anything for weeks, assuming she had forgotten.  My dad was visiting one day and we saw a lady walk down the drive carrying a briefcase, I said 'I bet this is the woman', she wasn't!  She apologised for turning up unannounced but was in the area, so thought she would bring me the forms out that I had to fill in. She didn't ask to come in.  At the time I didn't see anything odd about this, although reading the forms that asked about our curriculum and subjects made me aware that they clearly didn't know much about home ed, I also felt the forms didn't look official so therefore not compulsory, so i made hamster bedding with them.  I still to this day have no idea who she was.

I thought that was it, oh how wrong I was!  We had been out to toddler group as we usually did on a Wednesday morning, as we got in, the phone was ringing, I answered and all I heard was
'Where were you? where were you?' being bellowed at me
'excuse me, but who are you?'
'Where were you?'
'If you tell me who you are I will decide if you have any right to know where I was!'
'I'm Mrs B from Doncaster Council, ...' she did say her name and job title but I was flustered by this stage and didn't hear her.
'I came to see you this morning and you didn't answer the door'
'Well I was out as I wasn't expecting visitors'
'You told me to come today'
'I have no idea who you are or that I've ever spoken to you'
'well I rang you and we booked today in'
I finally sussed she was the one that called when I was sick, I explained how we had not made an appointment, but I had told her to ring me back another time.
'Are you calling me a liar' she shouted
'er yeah' I said, ' You called me when I was sick and I asked you to call me back another day'
'well I've got it written in my diary to visit you'
'well I think maybe you made a mistake'
this conversation went on for ages, she was obnoxious, it ended with me asking what she wanted to see me for anyway.
'to discuss whether you need support getting your child back into school or help sort any issues with school'
'no I don't and don't ever call or write to me, I never want you to contact me again'
I hung up, I was actually shaking, so I sat and took a moment to pull myself together, then I tried to figure out who she was, so I rang the council and explained to the receptionist that I'd like to talk to the manager of the department that deals with children who are deregistered. She put me through to integration and education welfare. I spoke to the manager Mr D, he listened carefully and agreed I should not be spoken to in that manner, but maybe I had made the mistake, (I forgot to add in here that he also tried telling me there was a new law that meant I had to let them in, I later realise he was attempting to pass the Badman shite off as law!) I didn't back down and sent a written complaint in, I received an apology for the 'misunderstanding'.

All went quiet, then one day I had a letter and the same forms as before, the letter basically said I had to have a visit from the Elective Home Education Consultant, it didn't explain my options. The leaflet which was  included,  talked mostly of curriculum's and lessons and keeping records.  Again I didn't fill the forms in, but there was a date in the letter for a meeting at my house, I didn't know I had an option to cancel.
THE LEAFLET
'...it will, however, be the responsibility of the parent to show the Local Authority that the programme of work is helping the child to learn and that the child is making progress.....'
the purpose of the first visit  is to discuss your plane and he quality and range of the curriculum to be offered....'
'evidence would usually include a written programme of work, samples of work, an interview with a parent and a discussion with the child'
'should parents elect not to meet the consultant the evidence of the programme of work and a full range of work samples is of critical importance'


I spent hours cleaning the house and telling the kids to be on best behaviour, I let the EHE in, and she sat there, belittling all my choices, telling me how important it is to push Einstein to write, that Home Ed kids don't have friends, that school is really the best place, that I should push for a diagnosis for Einstein. She was awful.  She sent a report, that stated I should keep the kids work in date order and split into subjects and that it should all be named and dated, she said that whilst the little bit she was allowed to see showed an education was being provided, she expected at the next visit to see a lot more written work.  She also mentioned my 1 year old daughter in the report.  I made a complaint and had the report altered, but they said that this was the EHE's opinion and only she could amend it. But she was on holiday. Once she came back I contacted her, she said that because it had been a while since she visited (2 months) she would need to do another visit because she couldn't remember us, and her notes matched her report. I declined!

A few months later there was a knock at the door, we were all still in pj's and watching a film, breakfast pots still on the table, she was a social worker and demanded I let her in, without going into it too much, she had an allegation that I loved one kid more than the other and that home ed was an issue. She thought home education was illegal, looked around my house, attempted to talk to my kids, who ignored her lol.  She went away telling me she thought that would be the last of it, but then I got a letter saying they wanted to do a core assessment, which would involve weeks of interviews and meetings and discussions with my children, also that they recomended I have another EHE visit, because their last report (less than 6 months previous) was no longer valid.  I fought them and never met with them again, or let them meet the kids again, I also didn't agree to the EHE visits again.  I sent in doctors reports, to show I was looking into a diagnosis for Mathew, I sent a report of all the activities and places we went where adults were in contact with my children, I had people (25 of them) that were in contact with my children and/or knew me well to write character statements, and I kept fighting until they agreed that actually there was no cause for concern. Which they never actually had, their report said no concern except they are not see by a teacher every day. I told them that this was discrimination against home edders who legally choose to educate their children.  The case was dropped. The social worker was shipped off, from what I have heard she was sacked.  The whole thing had been started by 2 family members, that knew little to nothing about me and had decided cos my kids didn't sit to the table to eat, and were allowed to watch tv and eat sweets and of course now didn't go to school that I must have been covering up abuse. Oh and of course that I loved the older one more, cos he sometimes needed a bit more attention because of his ASD and SPD stuff.

 I got to know more about the law, and the home ed  requirements. Well I was fuming to say the least, they had not once said I could send a report or anything other option for that matter. Then I became ill, I needed my gall bladder removing and it was making me really ill and tired. I got a letter (8 months after initial visit) asking for another visit, I replied saying I would provide them with a report in due course, but due to illness that they give me some time. in the space of a month I had 3 phone calls and 2 letters demanding my report, by this stage I was even more ill.  I sent an email saying it had not been a year since their visit and I would write to them before then.

Then I was admitted into hospital, I spent 2 weeks being admitted, always being told I was next on the list for the op, to find someone else was rushed in in front of me, I kept coming home and back again the next day. I had 2 missed calls from the EHE (still a month before the year was up)  I answered the call laid in hospital, she was really arsey with me and demanded a report, so I emailed a very short report to them from my hospital bed.
'Dear EHE, I am still happy to be home educating and take my responsibilities to provide a suitable education, seriously.  I provide access to numerous materials, including, books, computers and outings. The children are happy to be home educated and thriving
Regards
Me.' (or something like that)


THE REPORT
'...as no evidence of the children's work was provided it is difficuly to write a more detailed report, or relate the children's individual achievements.

 It said they would contact me in a year. Just over a year later I received a letter that said; 

'I would like to introduce myself as the new consultant for elective home education in Doncaster, .......... I note from our records that you prefer to submit a report outlining the educational provision for.......As it is a year since we last made enquiries, I would be pleased to receive your report by the end of April........'
I replied:
Dear Mrs W,
I am still home educating my children, ensuring it meets their individual needs, aptitudes and abilities. As you are probably aware there is nothing in law that states I have to meet with yourselves nor provide a report and you should only be making enquiries if there is evidence that an education isn't being provided.
I am including the following information just so that you have a little bit of info about our home educating, we follow a semi structured/autonomous style, child led, and child centred.  I make sure they have access to plenty of resources including books and computers, we are actively involved in the home education community.
I now do not expect to hear from you again unless there are concerns.
Regards
ME

I got a thanks for that, email.

Since then, I have met with the LA with other local people, at their offices, to discuss their recent bad behaviour, letters and website. At this meeting it was agreed that we (the home edders) would write drafts for their letters. website and leaflet and that they would be checked over by the EHE and authorised by management. We were promised that they wanted to improve things and that an open meeting would soon be organised for all families and the LA to attend to discuss issues etc.
We spent hours rewriting and discussing these documents, I organised to meet Mrs W at my home to discuss them and hopefully get her to agree to what we wanted.  When she turned up, it was clear that she felt intimidated by me,  but also her boss, who didn't even know she was here.  She went away promising that the letters would be sorted. Also that the open meeting was being sorted.

Then it all went tits up, her boss left unexpectedly to a different role, leaving her not knowing who, what or where.  I'd asked to see a copy of the EHE policy and been fobbed off, so I sent a FOI (freedom of information request) it came back with a copy and a copy of the new draft, which is awful.   I sent emails (so did Fiona Nicholson, who had been working with us) to the people we knew of at the LA that might be able to help make some progress, we had a list of names, but no one willing to say yes lets get this done.  We finally were given the name of the replacement, Mrs V, I emailed her and she responded with 'I'm sure we will meet and talk soon' I replied asking when, I didn't get a reply, nor did I get a reply from my emails to Mrs W, or any of the other staff, there seemed to be a strange silence. We found this worrying, so drafted a complaint and sent it in. I'm still waiting for a response. We know they were having a meeting this week, so we are waiting on the outcome.

Meanwhile, I was emailed by a newcomer to home ed to say she had had a letter from Learning and Behaviour Support ;
'..........Although I am sure you have already given serious thought to such an important matter, we would like to arrange a visit with NW our Re-Integration Officer to discuss this with you before we formally
process home education. We would ·Iike to arrange a visit for X date if this is convenient. You can telephone us on 000 or write to her at the address below to confirm this  date, and we will be able to discuss this with you.I am sure you will appreciate that the Local Authority must ensure that you are clearly informed about the legal situation, the relevant sections of the Education Acts and the Authority's procedure for monitoring education at home. Accordingly, information and guidance notes for parents are attached with this letter. It is important that you read all this information carefully, but I must draw your attention
to Part 1 The Legal Framework........'

She couldn't understand what they wanted, when she already new it was Mrs W that did EHE, she had a few things going on so I called on her behalf and spoke to NW and cancelled the appointment.  She told me that the appointment was so she could discuss with the family whether they were happy with the decision to home educate, or whether there were issues she could help resolve with the school. I told her they were happy, to which I was told, 'ok, I will pass the families details onto Mrs W the EHE, so she can organise a visit' I told her the family probably wont be having a visit 'oh well that's ok they can send children's work in instead as evidence'  'yep they wont be doing that either' I replied, to this she didn't know what to say, I asked if she knew EHE law, no she didn't, and was surprised that what she thought was law, actually wasn't.  I suggested that we meet and discuss all of this, she liked the idea and welcomed ways to make things better.  But, and isn't there always a frigging but? she spoke to her manager who rang me eventually a few days later, he was not willing to discuss anything, and downright refused to acknowledge that their behaviours were not appropriate. I also notified him (as we had already done every other member of staff) that the cooling off period that they had instigated was actually illegal and went again the 'pupil registration regulations 2006' his was not interested and wanted to know who would take action against them if it wasn't sorted.  He said that they would contact home edders if they ever felt the need to ask for their input on the LA policies.

So not only do they know they are acting beyond the EHE guidelines, they are breaking the law, by telling schools not to remove children's names immediately, they don't actually care.  They are refusing to speak with us, or meet with us.  So I await a response to the complaint, and see if anything happens off the back of the meeting they've had.

I don't hold out much hope, so for now, I tell any local family to not deal with them at all, opt out of visits, don't send lengthy reports and definitely don't fill in their dodgy forms.  I happily will help any family and as I have before I will speak on their behalf. I will help write letters, I will say you should always reply to their correspondence, even if it is stating the law and saying sod off!!!!!

Our Home Ed Journey So Far

It all started when I organised to pick a buggy up from a local lady on behalf of a friend of mine. We met up at the local toddler group, she had her 2 children with her, they were of school age, I asked if it was a teacher training day to which I was told 'no, we home educate'. ' What's that all about? how does it work?' etc I reeled off all the questions that home edders are asked everyday. Nicky explained the basics of it and that it was a legal option. I went away thinking how wonderful it sounded and perfect for us, as my eldest, Einstein, was having an awful time in school, again! this was the second school we had tried and things were getting worse. He was being called a trouble causer, he was bored and he didn't like going. School had no intention of giving him any extra consideration for his behaviour because he didn't have a diagnosis yet! I knew his behaviours in school were made worse by the lack of understanding from staff, a lack of thought as well. You have a child that chews things and fiddles, you don't leave him with a pencil and no paper! He will draw on the table or chair! StuntMan was in reception year and never spoke at school, they were considering speech therapy, but I knew there was nothing wrong with him at home.

I thought about the idea for a few days, spoke to my mum, she completely supported the idea, so decision was made, deregistration letter sent in and the kids never went back. I had no idea what I was doing, or how we were going to do it. I had a 1 year old at home and now my 2 older boys too. I thought I had to follow the curriculum and do structured lessons, but very quickly I learned that wasn't the case and that it wasn't working for us. Einstein needed some structure in the sense that he needed to know roughly how our days were going to go, but didn't need the school type timetable. So we took some time off to deschool and get used to being with each other again all day. We went to museums and parks, read books and played games, played on the computer and watched tv. There were no local groups, the only ones were more than half an hour away and at the time there was little chance of him coping in a new place with lots of new people.

For a while we felt quite isolated, the boys had a few local friends that they saw regularly, so having friends didn't worry me, but I had little to no support or anyone to discuss the day to day decisions with, or brainstorm ideas with. Then I found some people on facebook, fellow home edders, some in a similar position, others that had been around a long time and then there were people very knew to it all and in a similar position as I had been a few months previous. I learnt about autonomous, child led learning, and this is the path we followed, I backed off (well I tried to) from telling the kids to sit and work, we picked topics between us, chose places to visit, and holidays to have. I've tried to get rid of the school mentality, but it's been forced on me all my life as being the only choice, that school was the best place for children to be. But it was soon apparent how wrong school is for many kids, how much the schools strive to create sheeple, how children are made to ask to go to the toilet, or have a drink, basic needs that as an adult we would be fuming if we were made to ask. Home Ed is giving my children chance to self regulate, to think about their decisions etc, they were independent kids and are now very independent and confident. I quickly built up a lot if home ed friends, most of whom are still there 4 years later :) some are long gone, due to differences of opinion on parenting style and personality clashes. I've met up with quite a few too and made some really good friends. People I can ring if I need them, or arrange to meet up. I've noticed that as my knowledge of home ed and the law have increased, people come to me for advice, which I'm happy to do. I am glad that the stuff I now know can help someone who finds themselves starting off on the home ed journey with little knowledge like I did. I'm now part of a lovely local group, we have fortnightly meet ups and the group is steadily growing.

Over the last 3 years we've reassessed our approach and introduced a bit more structure when it seemed needed and backed off when needed. I think we have found a balance, Einstein is 11 and loves reading and computers, so his learning is based around that, he does workbooks to cover the stuff he hasn't covered by reading, he refused to write when he was little, but now is a lot more confident and quite happily writes lists of rules for his friends' secret groups, he is currently writing plans for a computer game. He thinks he will be ready to do his maths and science GCSE in the next year or so.

StuntMan loves his bike and scooter, he's often found out on the street practising stunts, he loves drawing too. He does some workbook type work, but gets very upset and frustrated if he comes across something he doesn't understand. But he is soon reminded that he is only 8 and is already working on 9-10 year old work books and that he can slow down and not worry about it.

Princess is nearly 5 and loves writing, reading, drawing and maths, she's working on approximately 6-7 year old stuff, shes a clever little mite and understands multiplication and times tables, she can have extremely intelligent conversations too, way beyond her years.

I seem to have 3 very bright children, which is amazing as I'm not very academic, they are inquisitive and interested in stuff many kids scoff at, they are interested in history and love random days out to amazing castles or stately homes, they love nature, visiting woodland and lakes, they love the beach, they also love their friends, we always have lot of other kids at the house playing. I love how excited they all get at simple things like amazing scenery, or a new book. We have so many books my dining room looks like a library! They all like reading and as their confidence grows, their interests widen.

My parenting has changed over the years too, instead of 'go to sleep' 'wake up' 'hurry up' I can now be found suggesting that its maybe time to be sleeping, and saying ok, one more book, or one more film, they are all really good at knowing when they are tired and sleep when they are. We wake up when we are ready and the house is lot calmer, don't get me wrong, there are still days where I shout and wonder what on earth we are doing. The kids have their moments, Einstein is very good at needing the loo when its time to do something, or StuntMan will turn on the water works, or Princess will throw a strop. They are normal kids, and just cos I home ed doesn't mean they are perfect. If we are in Tesco and they are moaning about being bored, or are fighting with each other, you can see the staff staring at you, wondering why they aren't in school, of course the check out person only ever asks why they aren't in school on the days they are being little sods, I tend to reply with that I home educate them and that they are normal kids, so just like at a weekend when the shop is over run with mardy kids, I bring mine in the week instead. Mostly I get positive responses and people out and about think it's brilliant, I hear 'Ooh i couldn't do that, I need the time away from them' 'wow is that legal?' 'wow good on ya, wish I'd know about it when my kids were little' etc, I do try to make sure people know as much as I can share in such a short conversation, so far a guy at Tesco has pulled his kids out of school, thanks to me telling him I home ed. Because I damaged my hip when I was pregnant with Princess (due to fainting and falling) my boys have been helping around the house for years, she is starting to now help too, they are responsible for keeping their rooms tidy and putting their clothes away, they sort and do the clothes washing, emptying and filling the dishwasher, sweeping, cleaning and feeding the animals, they make their own breakfasts and tidy up their toys at the end of the day. I think it's important they are involved in the running of the house so that once the housework and any sit down learning is done, we are free to do what we please, whether that's playing together or independently, it also gives me some adult time to sort out finances or my blog, or helping another home ed family out.


Many kids are kicked out of the house to play out all day, whereas I get involved and help with games and ideas and am always around to settle disagreements, many parents don't seem to care that their kids are out all day at 5 year old, I like to know my children are safe, whilst also letting them have their freedom. Einstein has started going to the youth club and now talks to girls ! He and Ben go to archery together with my ex and StuntMan goes to cubs, recently spending the weekend at camp, without me! Princess is starting rainbows and gymnastics in September. 4 years ago my boys would not have played out, they wouldn't have asked staff where something was in a shop or how much, they would barely talk to the neighbours let alone strangers. Now adays they are chatty and confident and always surprising me. I received a lovely message a few days ago from a lady (jeez she's a lady now not a kid, I feel old now lol) that used to babysit for the boys 8 years ago. She works in a local shop, and said how she dreads kids coming in, but was pleasantly surprised it was my boys and their friend, she said how polite and chatty they were and a pleasure to deal with. I was so proud !

So this is our home ed journey up until today, tomorrow everything could change, but that's cool and why we love home ed, it opens up so many more opportunities, gives the kids the freedom to be who they are.

I'd love to hear your comments, so please feel free to leave a comment :)

What you see is not the truth!

Ok so those people that are in my life whether in real life or online, see me as a strong, opinionated, in control woman. Sometimes a glimmer of the real me comes through nervous, emotional and messed up me, but I do my best to keep it hidden.
I've battled depression since I was 15, I battled it then with alcohol, drugs and sex, they made me worse!
I fell in love and committed adultery so many times a football player would be shocked!
I had a wake up call when my grandad was diagnosed with cancer and only weeks left to live, I sorted myself out and set to marry the man I loved. The wedding was booked, I'd taken my veil and shoes in to hospital for my grandad to see and planned on visiting in my dress after the wedding, sadly he never saw me as he died the day before my wedding.

Stupidly I went through with the wedding, it was the worst day of my life, I hated who I was and that's not a good start to a marriage. A marriage to the man that to this day I believe was my sole mate.

Within months I was drinking heavily and staying out all night, eventually I started sleeping with a guy I worked with and became pregnant, obviously disastrous to my marriage so we split.

But drinking heavily and smoking weed every day had an affect on the unborn baby, so that after a huge argument and fight with the father, I lost the baby. Who looked after me? My husband!

I went on to be with a guy I'd known a long time, he was (is) alcoholic, I was dry by then, and he asked me to help him, I failed, he failed and after 2 babies, I forced him to be so wound up that he would hit me again, so I had an excuse to kick him out. He hasn't seen his boys since they were 3 years and the other was 6 months.

I've gone from disastrous relationships to traumatic relationships to boring ones, self harming, alcohol, drugs, abuse, neglect and self loathing.
I've ended up with people that needed help, always spending my time fixing the other person, neglecting me, it was easier than stepping back and seeing what a mess I really was.

I went through another dry phase but then met a compulsive liar who drank a lot, so the drinking started again, he disappeared out my life taking £5k of my money.

Then the boys started school and I met a guy, recently single, with 3 daughters, wasn't long before we were inseparable, I was dry again and felt happy, this guy filled a huge void, but his girls didn't like me and made life hard work. Eventually I fell pregnant, and within weeks he left me, with £20k of my money and with my best friend, who I spent most days with. With them they took most of my friends.

So I was left with the prospect of being a single mum to 3 kids with no partner or friends!

I considered my options and I'm so grateful I chose to keep her. But a week after she was born I lost the plot, big style, complete breakdown, luckily my health visitor knew me well and got me through it. I came out the other side the person most people see today.

I am more than capable of fighting other peoples battles with local authorities, making phone calls, attending meetings, drumming up interest in fighting the authorities, but there is always my depression eating away at me, most days I fight it well, other days it rears it's head and knocks me for six.

July is one of those months that I struggle to cope, my 21st birthday 14 years ago I was visiting my grandad talking weddings, tomorrow on my 35th birthday I will wake up on my own, with my 3 children who don't have dads, I will fight back the tears and take the kids bowling (cos it didn't quite happen today thanks to the dodgy LA) but once they are asleep I will go to bed alone and cry.

Most days I'm in control but some are a right off and I cry, I cry a lot. But then something happens, someone needs me and what I feel is pushed to one side to help someone out.

I am determined one day will find a way to deal with the depression but for now this is how I am.

I'm doing my bit are you doing yours?

So the education select committee are doing an inquiry into what support, if any, the LA's are providing.
It's a chance for home edders to stand up and have their say.
Do they offer support, are they prejudiced, do they try claiming they have rights that they don't, and act ultra vires etc.???
It's a chance to have your say on whether you want financial support or if your LA already offers it and if there are any catches.
Here's the link http://www.parliament.uk/business/committees/committees-a-z/commons-select/education-committee/news/new-inquiry-support-for-home-education/

Now I can't share what I have submitted but I can say that Doncaster is atrocious at the moment so writing a damning submission was easy.
We've been in talks with them for a while and since a staff change this month things have gone downhill, after asking numerous times to see the home Ed policy I was left with no choice but to FOI it, the response was not good. A draft policy with some down right awful things. I lost count how many times it said they have a right/duty to monitor, that parents have to submit evidence of the education provision in the form of children's work etc.
I've tried ringing and emailing all the staff at the council to be met with no replies at all. Not even from the EHE of whom I even Invited into my home for us to discuss how we can change the LA documents for the better. So I have had to resort to making an official complaint.
I have made it public knowledge what the LA have been doing yet very few people are willing to make a stand. I still do not understand why not. Its not hard to say 'woah! Hang on that's not legally correct' people don't need to be as gobby and as loud as me, but a simple email to the director of the service isn't that hard.
I understand that people don't want to rock the boat, but without doing it, the LA will continue to try and make up their own rules. They will continue to assume a role that invades our privacy and legal right to home Ed. The LA will continue to expect us to roll over and do as they demand Well I never will !!! and it would be great if others were the same.

After-all what is the worst the LA can do?

Claim you aren't providing an education? Fine take me to court and I will show a judge how my 4 year old daughter can read, how my 8 year old love drawing and sport and how my 11 year old will read any book in reach. The LA would be told to sod off!

They can make welfare allegations to social services, who after their last attempt probably have a big note of don't mess with me, but even if they came knocking, I have the EHE guidelines handy and will soon send another social worker packing with no cause for concern.!! And I'd be with a family in a shot if they found themselves in that situation.

What's left for them to do? Send me lots of letters claiming loads of crap? Will be replied with me stating the guidelines and law at them and telling them not to contact me again unless they have evidence of an education not taking place!!

So really what's stopping people? To reply to the inquiry doesn't need to be complicated. Look at the questions, write a short response, bear in mind they say support, but dodgy policies and behaviour can come under lack of support ;) if you aren't sure there's plenty of us willing to help!! Email it off and then send a separate email with your personal details. Not hard? So why aren't more doing it?
Graham Stuart MP knows how bad these LA's are but needs us to document it to bring about an arse kicking :) maybe even clearer guidelines or even statutory guidelines. If things change for the worst, at least we can say we tried, they'd change them for the worst whether we had input or not! So it's at least worth a shot !!!

Please leave me a comment if you want support through any of this and if I can't help I will know someone that can :)

London with 3 kids and the ex

What a long but fantastic 3 days we have just had in London, the kids were up and dressed by 7am on sunday morning, which is probably the first time ever that we have been up and ready that early. We were happily seated around a table on the train by 8.20. A bag of food and entertainment supplies sat in the middle of the table. The kids coloured and talked and got excited at all the wonderful things we would see and do. The ex sat on the seats opposite, after a huge argument the night before there was a massive possibility that he wasn't coming with us. But because the show was only booked for me and the boys, I needed him there to look after Princess.

We arrived just after 10am and sent the ex to go store the suitcases in left luggage, while me and the kids had a snack and a loo visit.  We then headed to the tube station and to Green Park, now this is the first time Me and the kids have been on the tube and I really wasn't sure how Einstein would cope, but he loved it, he refused to sit down because he liked standing up and feeling the tube move. We had a lovely stroll through Green Park and over towards Buckingham Palace, in time for the changing of the guard, some ignorant adults wouldn't even let the kids stand in front of us, but some were kind enough to let them through, one lady helped the boys climb onto the railings so they could get some photos. She spoke little English, but was very kind to the boys, Princess mostly sat on the ex's shoulders, so she could see.  The kids were interested in why they do they ceremony and were surprised to hear the Guards band playing Queen songs and songs from James Bond.  The atmosphere was lovely, many people singing along to the band. We walked round the barricades to the Victoria monument and had some lunch, the band marched past as we sat there.  After eating, we headed up the Mall only to find that it was closed off for maintenance work. We back tracked and as we got to the entrance to Green Park it started to rain, the sort of rain that appears from no where and is fast and heavy, there was no where to hide and we didn't have raincoats so all we could do was to shelter the kids between us, my jacket lasted about 3 seconds before it was drenched through and within 30 seconds my clothes were soaked, the kids found this very funny, the scream people made as the rain started was really loud and watching hundreds of people run for shelter when there wasn't any was very funny. A very kind spanish lady let the kids shelter under her umbrella for a while.  We continued to walk around the back of St James' Palace, me carrying my coat as there was now no need to wear it , I didn't care as after all it was only water and I would dry, but the disgust on peoples faces that I was allowing myself to get wet was awful, some people really do need to smile more.  Anyway, we walked up Pall Mall and the kids spotted lots of sports/prestige cars, so they were happy.  We went into the National Gallery and spent a good few hours wandering around, the kids loved it, although I think their interest started to wain towards the end.  Cake and a drink soon brought them back to life, and me a heart attack, £27 for 5 pieces of cake and 3 cans of pop, won't be doing that again!

After the gallery, the ex took Princess to the hotel, near Kings Cross, and me and the boys went to see the show Horrible Histories, it was fantastic, really well written and acted, very different to the tv show, as there were only 2 actors, but for 11 and 8 year old boys it was perfect at an hour long.  EInstein struggles to sit still  and his legs start to hurt if he is still for too long. luckily there were empty seats to the side of him so he was able to move about a bit.  We then took the tube to the hotel, basic, but clean, odd bit of threadbare carpet and extremely soft mattress, but what more should I expect in a travelodge in an old building near kings cross for £180 for 2 nights for 5 people including breakfast!!!

I didn't sleep well, as I was sharing with Einstein and by gods he wriggles a lot. But we were all up early and filled up on pastries and toast at breakfast.  Then straight onto the tube to Westminster, we had a look at Big Ben and the Houses of Parliament then got on the river cruise up to the Tower of London, the kids enjoyed hearing the commentary about the different buildings along the river edge.  Once at the tower we explored lots of different areas, unfortunately it was a very warm day and the massive amount of things we had done the previous day, meant we were all lacking energy. We viewed the crown jewels, the kids didn't believe they were real, and to be honest they got me thinking, couldn't they be sold and the money used to help rescue the financial situation this country is in? what is the point in having these crowns and sticks with jewels on sat there?  People didn't seem that impressed with them, the kids were definitely more interested in the gruesome bits like the beheadings and traitors gate. We ate ice-cream and people watched, well army men watched as we tried to count how many were hidden in upstairs rooms, spying out of slightly opened windows.  Eventually we ran out of energy and headed back to the boat. A trip back along the Thames and another commentary picking up on different buildings, but by now we had a very tired Princess. I decided we should head back to the hotel and not bother with going to see the Golden Hinde, and there was no way Einsterin was gonna go on the London Eye, he couldn't even look at it without being scared. He has a fear of glass at heights so I pretty much knew we wouldn't be going on the Eye. Pizza and burgers for tea and an early night was had.

We woke early again and were having breakfast by 8.30, straight on the tube to the Natural History Museum. Which is next to the grottiest, smelliest subway and tube station I have ever seen, which we found odd to say we were in one of the nicer areas of London, Knightsbridge. The museum was awesome, we barely covered a quarter of it, but did have time to see the Dinosaurs,  me and Einstein explored the 'about me' section and the ex took StuntMan and Princess to see the Mammals section.  We met some lovely home edders for a quick picnic lunch then we headed to the Science Museum, which again was awesome.  The ex took Princess to a special under 7's area while me and the boys explored the space area, then an area looking at different eras, then onto a human body exploration section and then onto Launchpad. This area was full of hands on fun experiments. Princess joined us in there. We had a cuppa and ice-cream and then another half hour in the area before heading to the tube to King's Cross station to head home.  I sent the ex to get a Burger King for us all for the journey home, they only announced the platform 8 minutes before the train was due to depart, which meant we had to near enough run for the train as it was on the furthest platform and our seats were on the furthest carriage. It turned out our seats hadn't been reserved, which was very annoying, luckily some people moved and allowed me and the kids to sit together.  We were soon back in Doncaster, I found a fiver in the lift out of the station and dad was waiting outside to take us home.  One thing we all noticed was how clean the air is here compared to London.

Kids went to sleep pretty quickly.


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The Dating Game, it's a joke!!!

Well, I've been single for nearly 8 months, I've dated someone for a few weeks, and had one other date since,  both completely disastorous. 

The ex from 8 months ago, is still around, so he can see the kids, now this is where it gets complicated cos he isn't their dad! The kids dads are tossers (sorry but it's true) the first is alcoholic and hasn't see the boys since they were just 6 months old and  3 years old. The other sperm donor has never met his daughter, he has accidentally seen her as I've driven past him. He lives in the same village as me and fought for custody of his 2 other daughters who he has with him (and they called me mum for a while), he left me when I was pregnant, for my best friend, who was married. (yeah I know you couldn't make this stuff up and be believed) I am extremely angry with him still to walk away from a child yet fight for others, makes me think the ex friend had a lot to do with it, but it's their loss, cos I get to enjoy 3 amazing children growing up.

Anyways, so my ex (who I refer to in my blog as the ex) is still around, by his own choice, he takes the kids out and sees them loads, which means I do get some free time. So I thought it would be a good idea to start dating again.

After the disaster of the few weeks seeing a lass over xmas (she turned out to have very different opinions on raising children and was a bit of a stalker in the end), and the one horrible date from hell (compulsive liar and very loud too), it hasn't put me off.  What is putting me off is the calibre of men and women on these dating websites.

Now I'm no supermodel, (well ok if you squish one down to 5ft and make her eat 3 others, then I am!!) and I'm no Einstein, but jeez some of these people are awful.
Am I just being picky, I sometimes think, but then I think about what went wrong with the ex, he isnt very well educated and has no interest in anything, so I know I want someone with some brains. The ex's have either been walk overs or abusers, so I know I want a middle ground, someone that isn't scared to tell me to shush, but also someone that won't intimidate me. Now I love sex (oh how i miss sex) but I don't want it to be the first thing that is discussed online, I also don't want to discuss my bust size or recieve pictures of his manhood (of which isn't normally that impressive!).
I want a nice chat (over a couple of weeks) and see if we click, then meet up and have a cuppa and take it from there. Not a lot to ask is it??

So I log on each day in the hope of finding Mr or Miss right,  but the decent sounding don't message back or turn out to be married, the weirdo's always message me asking if they can have my phone number or take me out even though they don't even know my name!  And the women! well I think they are worse than the men, 30-40 year old women who's interests list; getting pissed, partying and drinking.  Not exactly my ideal match. 

I'm fed up of reading the same kind of profile over and over again,
'I enjoy socialising in the pub with mates, I play football and work hard'
 woohoo how exciting! NOT!!

or then there are the ones:  'I like cycling, mountain climbing and travelling the world, I'm 45 with no children and would like to settle down' 
 Hmm.... if you get to 45 and haven't settled yet I don't think you ever will, especially when your first question is 'where are you going on holiday this year?' and I reply with 'caravanning in the UK' and they delete you, clearly not ready to 'settle down'.

Oh and then there are those looking for 'single, sexy, skinny and blonde' get real with a face like that you will be lucky to pull a dog.

I talk to someone for a few weeks, nearly everyday, I think ooh this is sounding good, they're interesting and chatty, local ish etc, then they disapear never to talk again .......

Then there are the ones that don't read my profile that clearly states that I'm cuddly and tattooed, have 3 kids and don't work, yet they ask 'what work do you do?'  'oh! I didn't realise you had kids.' and the best one SILENCE and deleted as soon as the conversation includes me being a big girl. So many people are really shallow and it now doesn't upset me at all, it just unfuriates me that these idiots have wasted my time, by not reading my profile that I took ages to write.

I wonder whether I will find my ideal partner, then I remember what an awesome time me and the kids are having and I smile and realise I don't need a partner, I would like one though. I miss the cuddles and waking up with the one you love, that feeling of excitement of knowing you are going to see them soon, having someone to discuss your day with, someone to help make those important decisions. But for now, I will be happy with snuggles with the kids and ringing my mum for a chat and obviously those with shares in Duracell batteries will be happy I am still single.

Home Ed holidays are never actually holidays

Wow I'm exhausted, the kids have worn me out, we've climbed and explored sand dunes, explored castles (so many I can't remember) been to a working water mill, paddled in the sea, been swimming loads and the kids have rode their bikes,  we've seen seals in a harbour and storks (plus others we didn't know). 

Northumberland is absolutely gorgeous, we drove the causeway to Holy Island and explored Lindisfarne Priory ruins, the kids love these sort of places and are intrigued with the architecture and history. We tried letting off Chinese lanterns over the sea but it was too windy, so they didn't work. (they were Eco ones so don't worry we wouldn't have hurt any wildlife)

The weather was gorgeous for the first part and we spent hours on the beach with another home Ed family that lived nearby. It's always great to meet other families, it's great meeting those that are only just beginning their journey, seeing the excitement of what could come is brill, knowing they will love it:)

We have been inside inhabited castles and the kids have compared the library of 14000 books to our own, and have decided we will one day own that many, I stupidly followed that castle visit with one to a second hand book shop. Now this wasn't any old bookshop, it's one of the biggest in the country (we actually ended up back there 2 days later!) in total the kids bought 37 books!!! For less than £50!!! Bloody good job we don't live any closer !!

Princess had a brill time in Alnwick castle, learning to ride a broomstick :) The boys did archery too, which they loved and pretended they were medieval archers :)

We've wandered around ruins and re-enacted battles, rolled down grassy banks and been scared by bats.

There was a minor glitch in that I stupidly thought the ex would like a couple of days with us, bad idea and won't be doing that again, but not gonna dwell on it, cos the week was bloody fantastic.

All in all an amzing week, we did way more than I have the energy to write :)
Oh and note to myself, towing the caravan (second holiday that I've towed ever) is nerve wracking, but driving with toes clenched means 3 and a half hours later, I can't walk LOL.

View of Lindisfarne Castle from the Priory

Etal Castle

Alnwick Castle gardens/StuntMan riding a tractor

Olympic Torch relay, near Tracey's House (new home edder) in Berwick upon Tweed

Princess learning to ride a broomstick (Alnwick Castle, where some scenes of Harry Potter were filmed)

StuntMan and new home ed friend playing on the beach

Etal Castle ruins

Boys in Bamburgh Castle

Kids learning cool stuff at Etal Castle

Lindisfarne Priory

Bamburgh Castle

Little bit of rain at Bamburgh

Einstein reading one of the new books

Not a great picture, but it is a seal just in front of us in the harbour at Eyemouth

Bamburgh Castle

Princess at Alnwick Castle

Boys at Bamburgh

Princess and her broomstick at Alnwick

Alnwick Castle