Life during and after social services.

Many people see social services (SS) as something this country needs, they rescue children from abusive situations, they help families that need support. Well for many people this is not their experience, nor mine. All too often I hear cases where a social worker (SW) (or 2) have turned up unannounced with allegations that are not urgent concerns, things like the family Home Educate so the person making the allegation says the family never leave the house, or a health visitor (HV)  doesn't agree with the parenting style so calls the SS and refers them as neglecting their child or having a messy home. SW's fire questions at the parents, often not making it clear why they are there, people under arrest are told clearly why they are being questioned but not innocent parents! All too often I hear that the SW's decide that they have to get involved,  even though the allegations can be proven to be false,  they decide to do an initial assessment which means looking around the home, in the children's bedrooms and talking to the children alone (if the children aren't present they demand you get them home, or they visit school, or come back another time). They then write a report based on what is often an hours visit, they write what their opinion is of the situation, their opinion can be dangerous if they have no knowledge or experience of the lifestyle choices. What is written stays on your file forever. Whether it is accurate or not.

All too often cases are not dropped after the initial assessment and is followed up by a core assessment or a child in need meeting. They use the excuse that they have more concerns than they first went with, or there are no professionals involved in their lives so they call in all sorts of people, often people who have never met the family, to decide a plan of action, often ignoring the parent's wishes and philosophies. Families are subjected to numerous visits and meetings all in the name of 'support', whether the family want the support or not. The children are made to talk to adults they don't know and asked questions about their life.

Now I am not talking about cases where harm to a child is a concern, or severe neglect, I am talking cases where they say the child once said at school that they only had beans on toast for tea last night, or their shoes are too small. Cases where someone decides it's their business to worry about a toddler playing in the garden in the summer in bare feet while mum sits and reads. Cases where actually a quick phone call or letter asking the family to respond with regard the concern, or quick call to the GP to see if they have concerns, would be more than adequate,

These kind of cases where there really are no concerns and no one else is worried (just that one social worker) can drag on and on and mean lots of intrusion and leave the family in a mess, anxiety, depression and stress. Often these families have children with special needs and there is no consideration given to how the SW's behaviour impacts on these children. SW's don't have training in specific special needs so have no idea the harm they can cause. They don't respect that they could made the mums postnatal depression worse by insinuating she is a bad mum. Once SW's eventually close these cases and have no care for the damage they leave behind.

 The examples below are all true (to the best of my knowledge) I haven't used names or details to protect the families and may have changed a small detail (like number of children) to protect their identity further.

For me the appalling attitude and lack of knowledge of the social worker was the worst part of the false allegations and 6 months of harassment.  Having to explain everything more than once was tiring, jumping every time the doorbell rang, not knowing if they were back with more crap was scary and draining.  I fought them and refused to let them see my children again, risky I know, but I had nothing to prove to them, they had already agreed the allegations were malicious, they had already said the only reason they were staying in touch was cos there was no 'professional input' into their lives. No professional input? so the Ed.Psych, Clinical Psych, OT and a counsellor didn't count? no they wanted to do an assessment themselves and tried telling me that Home Education was illegal, then demanding I meet the EHE consultant (a completely illegal demand).  So I kept fighting and accused them of being prejudiced against Home Educators, eventually I won (they didn't see the kids again after the initial doorstepping) and they backed off with an apology too. But it didn't end there I was ill and in and out of hospital at the time, this didn't stop the social worker turning up 3 days after my operation with a copy of my file that I had requested to be posted to me!  I fought to have parts of my file amended but because the SW is no longer working there they couldn't amend it, all they would do is leave my letter on file.  2 years later I still worry when I see someone at the door that I don't know, I still worry when the phone rings that it could be them again. It is awful knowing that one day all it will take is another silly uninformed person to make another false allegation against me and we are back where we started. I was a wreck for months because of it, it meant my illness was worse, it meant my recovery was slower, it is something I can't see me recovering fully from, I have no trust in the social services to do the right thing at all in any case and now dedicate a lot of my time to helping families in a similar situation to the one i was in. .

SW's turn up with allegations from a school the child hasn't been in for 8 months and still have to follow up that the child once said that he wasn't fed at home.  They turn up because the neighbour has reported them for not sending their children to school, but instead of checking with the EHE whether they are known Home Educators, they come and bang on the door accusing you of neglect. They come knocking when the HV decides that mum isn't coping breastfeeding the baby, stopping the toddler drawing on the walls and educating the 8 year old, the HV sits there judging mum and drinking her tea knowing that mum has been stressed cleaning the house before the HV's arrival.  The SW's then decide the allegations weren't anything to worry about, but because they have demanded to speak to the child alone and look in their bedrooms and food cupboards, they found the kids had lego out and it was messy or it was the day before the monthly food shop was due to be delivered and the cupboards were empty or the ASD kid was refusing to speak to the stranger that turned up unannounced they come up with new concerns and insist on coming back.

They come back, this time with another person, someone else the kids have never met, another SW or HV, or family support officer, they convince the family that they need to keep the investigation going because there are issues that need sorting and they are the only people that can help. They tell the breastfeeding mum that the EHE has to come and do checks on the education of the home ed child (they can't do that), they suggest that she should stop breastfeeding so she has more time to clean, or to leave the baby crying while she cleans,  they go back every week until mum does as she is told. That mum is left feeling useless and every time a child hits a new milestone she is on the phone to HV or GP checking it's all ok, every time her children get a cold she takes them to the GP and she has the baby weighed with the HV every week.  The family that had empty food cupboards were made to feel like they were failing the children and now get into debt to keep the cupboards stocked and throw out lots of fresh stuff because they buy more than they need, just in case the SW ever comes calling again. The family with the 'messy' house now live in a spotless show home, the kids are allowed to play but have to tidy up immediately and only one toy at a time is allowed out, many of their belongings were given to a charity shop because there were 'too many things cluttering the house'.

2 years of being harassed and investigated for things that really are no concern and down to the individual social worker not understanding a lifestyle different to their own, drains the family, mum ends up on anti-depressants, paranoid to let the kids play out in the garden unsupervised, she doesn't talk to the neighbours in case they report her for anything, doesn't discipline the kids in case the SS ever come back and the kids say 'mum put us in time out' or 'sent us to bed without tea'.  That mum wanted to home educate and knew she could stop a horrific bullying issue in school by doing so, but was told it was illegal and at the time she believed them. She now Home Educates and knows one day Social Workers could be banging on her door again, attempting to force her children back into school, telling her things they know nothing about. This time it could be a social worker that understands the benefits of home education but doesn't understand why this single mums living room wallpaper is hanging off and there are a couple of kitchen cupboard doors missing and no stair carpet, but her kids are happy and well educated.

A family settling down for the evening, kids all settled in bed, mum washing tea pots, dad tidying some toys up, there's a bang on the door and 2 social workers stand there demanding to come in. Mum is too scared to say no to them. The SW's wander around the downstairs, the allegations are not made clear to the parents, but something is mumbled that a HV thinks the house is too messy with dirty nappies and the kitchen cupboards were empty (even though the HV had never once been in the kitchen, nor were there ever any nappies on the floor). The SW's tell the parents that as they can't carry out a full initial assessment that someone will come again another day. That family then spend the next few weeks tidying constantly, telling the kids they have to always be on best behaviour just in case, the older kids start being scared that the SW's will come back and take them away. Mum starts panicking when the husband goes to work cos she doesn't want to be home when they call. The social workers never came back!  Luckily this family moved house, they now have a helpful health visitor and assume social services have either forgotten about them or decided not to follow up on the allegations. But still it preys on their minds that these people could come back at any time.

3 false allegations (same allegation from the same school) in a year, each time the SW's have come out, the allegations surround an older child that is known to attention seek, they say he says he doesn't get fed. Each time the SW's have demanded to look around the house, what does looking in a child's bedroom have to do with a child not being fed? They have demanded to speak to all the children without another adult present, the family are convinced that the SW's have not accurately recorded those discussions and willingly put words in the children's mouths.  Each time the allegations have not been made clear to the parents (untill afterwards) the process the department uses has never been explained.  Each time the SW has gone away saying no concerns yet they come back a few months later for the same thing. Mum says that 'every knock on the door made me jump, same with the phone. For months I lived in dread' No one would come back and nothing was ever sent in writing. SW's suggested that they get help to manage their sons behaviour, but no help was offered, the same SW told them that their religion would be having a detrimental effect and they should stop being Christian and the SS's would leaven them alone. SW's have made no note of any medical diagnosis and treatments or appointments. They refused to note down the parents opinion on the sons behaviour and the only written record is what the SW thinks! This particular family are going through it all again at the moment, allegations that have been made before and told no concern, they know again the case will be closed but the son will soon be an adult, they worry that issues will be made up about the younger children now and that the SW's can't be trusted.

All the families I spoke to think that children in real danger are missed because SW's are spending too much time going after families that clearly already have the support they need, or that the allegations are false, or that really does it matter if mum can't afford to decorate? They all expressed distrust in a system that has left them nervous wrecks or doubting their ability as a parent. Social workers eventually close these case, often because someone like me steps in and tells the SW that they are harassing the family, or the family get legal advice, or they eventually realise they can't pin anything on the family so they move onto the next.  I personally know a family of neglected, malnourished, unloved children, SS won't do anything, they say there is no concern, yet they are happy to come and harass me for 6 months because 'I Home Educate, love one child more than the other, have pink hair, I make up my sons ASD issues to cover up for bad parenting and I had a long string of man after man' I addressed those issues on the first visit; legally I can Home Educate and will correspond with the EHE if they have a reason to believe I am not educating, how can i love one more than the other and why wasn't there a mention of the 3rd child in the allegation?, pink hair? seriously? making up his issues, Ed.psych. clinical psych, occupational therapist and a counseller support me, I'd been with the same guy 2 years by that stage.

SW's decisions are often based on one persons opinion and you are in trouble if they don't agree or like you, it is a dangerous system that leaves too many families in a mess in the aftermath of their 'support'.